The Art Of Stalking

Today, I will teach you all, the Art of Stalking. Yes, my fellow followers, it's true.. You will learn all you need to know, right here, right now! =D

As most of you know, I'm crazy about Abhishek Bachchan (Ahem, and several others as well.. But for now, lets concentrate on him.. *Whistles Innocently*). Before we start off, with the steps to becoming a successful Stalker, let me give you some vital rules to follow..

Rule Number One (and the only one!) - Do not miss any details. Any detail missed, can lead to an unsuccessful stalking mission. Always remember this. And do not question me, on any of the steps, as I know what is right, and what is wrong. Questionning would mean, questionning my ability to teach you. Questionning that, would mean, questionning yourself. I.. Don't really know how that works, but it does. So just don't question. =D *Confused face*.

Let us proceed:

1 - Fine the victim you will stalk. In this case, Abhishek Bachchan. Look at him, everyday, for at least 22.5 hours, continously.

2 - Watch every single movie, he has ever starred in! I first found out about him, when his first movie, Refugee, released, I knew he had potential. That movie was probably one of the most terrible movies he's ever been in.. But I've had faith in his acting, since day one *wipes away tears*.. And now, look at how big the boy has grown - successfully and gorgeously (look ahead for pictures!).. *Sobs. Sobs. Sobs.*

3 - Research, everything there is to research about him. Stay on the internet, day and night for a year, and devote all your time to this. I have to assure you, Stalking doesn't come easy, it's a rather difficult job.. So, this particular step is very important! You must, give your fullest, to this part.

4 - Travel to all the places where he is, at that particular time of month. If he is shooting his new movie, in New York, then get on to the next flight, there! DO NOT HESITATE! If you are afraid of flying, then you use/do the following:
Ships, Walking, Swimming, Running, Driving (although I'm pretty sure, there's a rather massive ocean to cross! So that wouldn't be quite appropriate!).. Etc.
Remember, you need to prove, how crazy you really are! Swimming across the ocean, would be ideal actually. I think I'll use that next time *Pleased smile* =D

5 - Travel to Mumbai, India, and find out where he lives. Stand outside his house, and try and get a glimpse of him, through the windows and gates. Use binoculars. They zoom-ify everything. Use your digi-cam to capture pictures of him. You will also need a sleeping bag, to camp outside his house. Make sure it's warm, and big.. Oh, and insect repelant, is essential. You'll never know what you can find on the streets of India *shudder*.

6 - Whilst in India, try and find out his phone numbers, and everything else you possibly can.

7 - When he is on tours of his films, and the like, make sure you are there at his concerts and public/media appearances. You need to be there, no matter what. In the first row. So what if it costs a lot? You'll get all that money back, when you get married to him. So money, should not be a problem. Take a loan out, if you must. But DO NOT, under any circumstances, miss, any of his appearances. It will only affect your mission!

8 - After you have placed yourself in this public appearance of his.. The next step is, to get him to notice you. Draw a lot of attention to yourself. Not by being all flirtatious, no no.. But, by making a complete nuisance of yourself and surroundings. You need to interupt his question and answer sessions, everytime, to ask him extremely personal questions, like these:

a) Where do you buy your socks from?
b) Will you marry me?
c) What deodrant do you use?
d) What shower gel do you use?
e) (Go upto him, and smell his hair and say), WOW! What shampoo do you use? (and then buy the same shampoo for yourself. But do not use it for yourself. Smell it, everyday!)
f) (When you notice that, he is completely engrossed in the interview, go and untie his shoes, and slowly take them off his feet. Put them in your bag, and sit back down) Where do you buy your shoes from?

Now these are just a few questions, that may help you in this process.. There are obviously, many more, where these came from.

9) The last and final step. You'd think there were ten steps, but that is the beauty of becoming a Stalker. You're always one step behind (of the victim - Abhishek Bachchan). After you have accomplished the above, you will have a profile of Abhishek Bachchan, similar to this:

NAME: Abhishek Bachchan. Son of Amitabh Bachchan and Jaya Bachchan

BIRTHDATE: 5th February, 1976

FIRST FILM: Refugee (Co star - Kareena Kapoor, sister of ex-fiancee Karisma Kapoor)

ADDRESS: Pratiksha, 10th Road, J.V.P.D Scheme, Mumbai 400 049

PHONE NUMBER: 022 - 6207579, 6206162
HEIGHT: 6'1''

BIO: Studied in Switzerland (high school); Left the USA, where he further studied, Business Studies, to enter Bollywood.


This was the original lesson, I created, on my little Stalking trip, of several people =D.. I'm still not as professional as Shak *cough, cough*. But I have faith, I'll get there someday!

=D

Abhishek's pictures - Before's And After's.
Before..Dear lord. I actually had faith in THIS. TO THAT!!! =| GASP! FAINT!