Empty souls, is what we are. It's been an ongoing realisation process for me to kind of see and find out how people are.. It's like we're all empty souls just walking around, and when we find something that fills a space, even if it's momentarily, we hold on to it so tight.. Just to make sure that part of you stays a bit complete.
Some people go through a large portion of their lives with no kind of partner to love. Others have them for a moment, and then they just pass by. Some have them for a lifetime but take it for granted, others have them for a lifetime and try to make the most of what they have. I don't really know where I fall in all of this.. I don't really know where my future is heading, or how it's going to shape out to be.
When I was much younger I used to think that my life would either lead into scenario A or B; Scenario A being the one where I get everything I want, but somehow find myself lonely. Scenario B being the one where I don't get everything I want, but somehow find myself feeling complete. For now I think I'm in between being complete and incomplete.
If I had a chance to change things I've done or not done, I would most definitely take the opportunity, not thinking twice and go right ahead and put things straight. But, realistically speaking how is any of that possible? You can't really live a "perfect" life. To be honest, I don't even think the word perfect exists. Everything I know about the world, or about people shows it to be imperfect. And that I guess is what is great about it all - like the people we love and care for, we love them because they have all these strange edges to them, all these completely insane and weird and perhaps even irritating qualities to them. And that is what makes a person.. Well, an individual.
I don't think a person can ever feel entirely complete. There's always something missing. At times you know what it is, and at others you have no clue. Though there are those odd days where you feel that nothing in the world can make you feel as great and "perfect" as the way you do then - but even those pass. I think it's completely impossible to be 100% satisfied with every single aspect of your life at any given point in your life. In my opinion, it doesn't exist. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that it's hard to be happy with your life, I'm just saying that it's just not possible to feel that everything is "complete". Those are two different things.
Meh.
We always want more. We always want things that are out of reach or in our eyes, are impossible to get to.
So here I stand, strangely incomplete and without a clue.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I'm okay for a little while longer
Have I mentioned how much I love my life, lately? Well.. I do. And things like One tree hill make it all the more better.
Sigh.
I've just finished my first year of university. Yep. I KNOW! That's exactly what I was thinking.. How in heavens name did a year fly by so quickly?! I don't know. But I have to say, it's been one of the best few months of my life. Seriously, amazing. The friends, the growing up, the independence, the everything really.. The maintaining of relationships, the understanding of different things that I was against or didn't really have knowledge on before.
So what is in store for me for this summer?! Let's see!
A job. That pays. Yes. That thing. And maybe a trip to France or Greece! And.. Maybe an internship with BBC, that's if they realise what they're getting themselves into. And ofcourse, moving into my new house!!! =D
Gasp. I turned 20 this month. Yes, it was exciting and very confusing. Because since that day, I think I've said and done more childish things ever. Tsk. Things like this:
Me: You're so stupid.
Friend: At least I have a brain.
Me: Yeah.. Well.. You're even more stupider.
Friend: Hey man, at least I can hold an intelligent conversation with people.
Me: Yeah? Oh really? Well you're so stupid that you don't even know what intelligent means. HAH!
Yeah.. So that's me as of late. I'm so sad. It's unbelievable.
OH! Btw.. I got one of the most AWESOMEST GIFTS EVER!! I was gifted a pair of tickets for the ALTER BRIDGE CONCERT IN NOVEMBER!! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD. *Breathes*. I'm cool. I'm good. =| I faint everytime I think of it. The awesomeness it screams. Is just.. indescribable.
In the words of.. Well.. Me. I'm going to go eat.
Ciao, Bella's.. And.. Men.
Sigh.
I've just finished my first year of university. Yep. I KNOW! That's exactly what I was thinking.. How in heavens name did a year fly by so quickly?! I don't know. But I have to say, it's been one of the best few months of my life. Seriously, amazing. The friends, the growing up, the independence, the everything really.. The maintaining of relationships, the understanding of different things that I was against or didn't really have knowledge on before.
So what is in store for me for this summer?! Let's see!
A job. That pays. Yes. That thing. And maybe a trip to France or Greece! And.. Maybe an internship with BBC, that's if they realise what they're getting themselves into. And ofcourse, moving into my new house!!! =D
Gasp. I turned 20 this month. Yes, it was exciting and very confusing. Because since that day, I think I've said and done more childish things ever. Tsk. Things like this:
Me: You're so stupid.
Friend: At least I have a brain.
Me: Yeah.. Well.. You're even more stupider.
Friend: Hey man, at least I can hold an intelligent conversation with people.
Me: Yeah? Oh really? Well you're so stupid that you don't even know what intelligent means. HAH!
Yeah.. So that's me as of late. I'm so sad. It's unbelievable.
OH! Btw.. I got one of the most AWESOMEST GIFTS EVER!! I was gifted a pair of tickets for the ALTER BRIDGE CONCERT IN NOVEMBER!! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD. *Breathes*. I'm cool. I'm good. =| I faint everytime I think of it. The awesomeness it screams. Is just.. indescribable.
In the words of.. Well.. Me. I'm going to go eat.
Ciao, Bella's.. And.. Men.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Twenty
So I turned 20. Hahahaha. Sorry.. It just sounded like a joke in my head. But then I said it aloud, and it was real. Tsk.
Yep. The big Two Zero - 20. I don't know how in heaven's name I turned that old. I mean, I'm not a teenager any more! No more.. "-teen" stuck to my age! No more pretending to be all cool because I'm a teenager (though I'm pretty sure I don't need to do that any more either, considering how cool I am *Ooh*). But you know.. It's a big deal! I don't get why the 21st birthday is so important. Surely, turning 20 is far more important, considering how you're just getting out of the whole teenage thing completely, and kind of stuck in a weird stage where you don't really know what to call yourself. But to be fair I don't really feel any different - only because I think I've mentally shrunk to being 5 again.
I had *the* most brilliant birthday. Sure, I've had some pretty cool birthdays before, but they were all awesome in their own way. This one though, was spent just with my friends. And I think I've not had that in years. At least not with such good friends like these. And all I'll mention is.. it included a little something that shot up my adrenaline levels, and literally took me higher than I've been before. Yes my fellow readers.. That's right. Stealth. It's all about STEALTH. To those of you who are currently uneducated and living in remote parts of the world (See - Dubai, Sydney, Montreal.. Etc), it is the most brilliant-est ride at Thorpe Park (again - that being an amusement/theme park)! Oh how I enjoy making foreigners feel inferior! =D Tsk.
That wasn't all that happened. Cake was also involved. And by involved I mean - yes, all over my hair and clothes. I ended up smelling like puke and looking like I couldn't handle myself and therefore poo'd in my white trousers. Tsk. Other things were thrown to me too - of which, I think included - orange and lemon peels and juice, and coke or something to that effect.
So, I would say - yep, it was a pretty awesome day.
Now, on to more depressing and you know, kind of - a little - important. Exams. Yes.. That thing. Well it's my first set of exams here at uni.. And considering how they all told us about it in the beginning, I think it's safe to say that no one is really taking them seriously. Why? Because when the lecturer's first words of a first lecture are.. "And the first year of Psychology counts 0% Towards your overall degree, and you are allowed to fail 2 out of 6 exams so as to progress to the next year. Don't worry, the second and third year is where you do all the work. The first year is just there as an excuse.. For something I have no idea about".. - You kind of get the feeling that it's all play and no work kind of situation. Tsk.
Having said that, I'm actually studying pretty hard. Okay.. Maybe that's a bit of a lie. But you know.. Pretty hard can also mean that every morning I set out all my books and notes all over my room, and take about an hour to get everything in order, and then go on to watching Eastenders, or general trash on TV.. Then yes, I am working pretty hard. Cough.
On that note, I think I'm very certain that my mum's next words will be.. "Let's take you back home". Tsk.
I joke.. Ahem. Or do I?
Hey man.. In my defence, you only go to uni once. Unless you become one of those people who have about 50 different postgraduate degrees, and like 10 masters and 5 PhD's.. (If any of that is possible).
On another note:
I dislike people who have to have a reason for everything they do/say. And need to back it up with intense and useless information. And increasing amounts of immaturity from other people has been taking it's toll on me - In simple words, I may.. Just may push you down the stairs "accidently". Cough.
.. And that's about it from me. In another 364 days I turn 21. Yep - that's exactly how sad I am.
Yep. The big Two Zero - 20. I don't know how in heaven's name I turned that old. I mean, I'm not a teenager any more! No more.. "-teen" stuck to my age! No more pretending to be all cool because I'm a teenager (though I'm pretty sure I don't need to do that any more either, considering how cool I am *Ooh*). But you know.. It's a big deal! I don't get why the 21st birthday is so important. Surely, turning 20 is far more important, considering how you're just getting out of the whole teenage thing completely, and kind of stuck in a weird stage where you don't really know what to call yourself. But to be fair I don't really feel any different - only because I think I've mentally shrunk to being 5 again.
I had *the* most brilliant birthday. Sure, I've had some pretty cool birthdays before, but they were all awesome in their own way. This one though, was spent just with my friends. And I think I've not had that in years. At least not with such good friends like these. And all I'll mention is.. it included a little something that shot up my adrenaline levels, and literally took me higher than I've been before. Yes my fellow readers.. That's right. Stealth. It's all about STEALTH. To those of you who are currently uneducated and living in remote parts of the world (See - Dubai, Sydney, Montreal.. Etc), it is the most brilliant-est ride at Thorpe Park (again - that being an amusement/theme park)! Oh how I enjoy making foreigners feel inferior! =D Tsk.
That wasn't all that happened. Cake was also involved. And by involved I mean - yes, all over my hair and clothes. I ended up smelling like puke and looking like I couldn't handle myself and therefore poo'd in my white trousers. Tsk. Other things were thrown to me too - of which, I think included - orange and lemon peels and juice, and coke or something to that effect.
So, I would say - yep, it was a pretty awesome day.
Now, on to more depressing and you know, kind of - a little - important. Exams. Yes.. That thing. Well it's my first set of exams here at uni.. And considering how they all told us about it in the beginning, I think it's safe to say that no one is really taking them seriously. Why? Because when the lecturer's first words of a first lecture are.. "And the first year of Psychology counts 0% Towards your overall degree, and you are allowed to fail 2 out of 6 exams so as to progress to the next year. Don't worry, the second and third year is where you do all the work. The first year is just there as an excuse.. For something I have no idea about".. - You kind of get the feeling that it's all play and no work kind of situation. Tsk.
Having said that, I'm actually studying pretty hard. Okay.. Maybe that's a bit of a lie. But you know.. Pretty hard can also mean that every morning I set out all my books and notes all over my room, and take about an hour to get everything in order, and then go on to watching Eastenders, or general trash on TV.. Then yes, I am working pretty hard. Cough.
On that note, I think I'm very certain that my mum's next words will be.. "Let's take you back home". Tsk.
I joke.. Ahem. Or do I?
Hey man.. In my defence, you only go to uni once. Unless you become one of those people who have about 50 different postgraduate degrees, and like 10 masters and 5 PhD's.. (If any of that is possible).
On another note:
I dislike people who have to have a reason for everything they do/say. And need to back it up with intense and useless information. And increasing amounts of immaturity from other people has been taking it's toll on me - In simple words, I may.. Just may push you down the stairs "accidently". Cough.
.. And that's about it from me. In another 364 days I turn 21. Yep - that's exactly how sad I am.
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