Last year, when I looked back on my year - I wrote about all the various lessons I had learnt. The big things that were tested, and feeling very grounded by all my experiences. As we all know, 2014 was exciting, adventurous and also testing.
If 2014 was testing.. 2015 was a whole new level of what that word means. On average I cried perhaps two-three times a week, stressed out and worried approximately 7 hours per day, and prayed for direction every minute that passed.
I've never questioned faith, religion and love so much as I have this year. I learned what each of those mean to me now. I've always struggled so much with all three aspects of life, that being faced with them in one go, was probably my biggest lesson. Having little or no faith can do that to you. It can turn you upside down and leave you feeling homeless. When we are in the biggest turmoil of our lives, there comes a moment where you realise that no one but God can be there for you. And that is also the point you realise that actually, he's been there all along - but somehow you were blinded by other things to notice. But I do not regret it. I do not regret the questioning, the endless research, the long discussions, the feeling of being alone and feeling so utterly lost within my thoughts and everything in between. For those moments have bought me to this calmer, much more settled and faith-full place. The beauty of all of this is that, you'll always be given tests to test your resilience, faith, love, integrity, honesty and all sorts of various deep embedded values you have. It's only when you come out on the other side do you see the storm that was left behind, and only recover the most beneficial remains to take with you as you move forward.
I spent a lot of time this year thinking about my dad. I obviously think about him a lot otherwise as well, but this year - I felt a deeper connection with him, and asked better questions about him as well. I like to think that some of my thoughts stem from him. I'll never truly know, but I can only hope that I represent my extraordinary parents well.
Moving on.
Now, for someone who talks a lot about love, I feel like I didn't really, wholly grasp on to the concept until earlier this year. Love can literally be found everywhere.. If you should only look for it. My family and I are very emotional people. We are sensitive and we love way too much. We love each other, our cats, food and everything in between with a passion. There's no "like" - there's only "love".. It's an extreme emotion. So when we get angry at each other, or we feel upset by someone or have any kind of misunderstanding - you have to stop, take a breath and look beyond all of that to see that it's most usually springing from love. The love they have for you, the dreams they hoped for you, the extreme feelings of helplessness because you're facing a hard time and there's nothing for them to do but to just watch you go through it. It's precisely that - that I've taken away from being a part of a dysfunctionally loving family. We, do not do anything in moderation. And that is not always a bad thing (but it is tiring!).
This is also the year I let love in completely - without any alternations. And boy, was that hard! Who knew that I'd be one to say that one day? I thought when I'd fall in love, I'd just fall blindly and that would be that. But the most wonderful thing about being with another person is that - there are new things to be learnt on a daily basis. There are stubborn moments to ease out, there are misunderstandings and catching on to non-verbal cues to understand one another on a deeper level and so much more to discover about yourself as well as your sweeter half. Oh my goodness, I have a husband! (I have these moments quite often lately!)
Finally, the end of this year came with heart-breaking news about my sweet companion, my cat Cookie. He was diagnosed with cancer. One of the hardest things about this is hoping that he never sees a day where he has to suffer because of this dis-ease. Being so far away from him and not being there to physically help him is probably the second most difficult thing. I have felt helpless and so physically "far".. But then, there's so many positives - cancer is something that you can beat. We have the knowledge and ability to nourish his body with such wonderful minerals, vitamins and healthy natural foods. None of that Whiskas stuff. We have natural and pure remedies which will assist his body to have no choice but to fight off all things impure and toxic out of him. That has been my comfort-blanket in all of this. And I am hanging on to it. He is most definitely my soul-mate.
I've been so fortunate to have learned so much this year. Things I didn't think were possible - I saw magically unveil in front of me. The one thing I however did not do was give up. I feel like 2015 has to be one of my most strongest years to date - it was the year I fell from grace and let my heart and soul guide me with whatever I did. It was the year I got married to someone who was right under my nose for so many years of my life! It was the year I moved to Australia! And it was the year where dreams came true.
2016, you hold many new and wonderful lessons and mysteries, I know that all too well. Be kind to me. Let me be the best I've ever been, and let me never, ever become complacent. Let me forever be grounded and humbled by all my experiences - good and bad. Let me continue to discover new places with a new travel buddy. And more than anything, let me laugh with good belly aches and love fiercely than I have ever before.
And no post is complete without a quote. Here's one which pretty much says it all for 2015.
"Oh soul, you worry too much. You have seen your own strength. You have seen your own beauty. You have seen your golden wings. Of anything less, why do you worry? You are in truth the soul, of the soul, of the soul."
