I've lost many loved ones in the last 11 years of my life. Big personalities, good and kind hearted people. They've all left massive voids in my life and each time I've lost someone, I've always thought "how am I supposed to go on?" Somehow, you get this burst of hope, energy and love from places you wouldn't imagine.
What I've learnt the most is to be patient. Grieving is hard. Coming back together and getting on is even harder. It is so important to be a good person, and to not get caught up in worldly pettiness, finances and shallow stress.
Most of all - I've learnt that it is so important to enjoy the life that was gifted to you. Enjoy good company, good food and laugh. Laugh as often as you can - and thank God for all the wonderful pleasures (big and small) that he has given to you. This life here is very temporary, but do good whilst you're here.
I hope to be as inspiring, good hearted, kind and generous as those who left my world.
In loving memory of my father, my grandfathers, my grandmothers, and my uncle
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Thoughts to Share
Sunday, July 14, 2013
In Loving Memory (part 2)
A few days ago, whilst at work my mum called me to tell me that my uncle had a heart attack. The urgency in her voice took me back in a flash to when she called me the afternoon my dad passed away. It was the same lost, confused and completely and utterly scared tone that shook my world 11 years ago.
I rushed to the hospital where I found out that he had passed away. My world felt broken, and I felt so hurt for my aunty and my cousins. I looked at my mum and all I could see was that pain that took 11 years to get pass. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I had just met him a few days prior, and he was fine. He was so peacefully happy and he didn't seem like he was in a hurry to get to anywhere else. Him and my aunty sat at our house for a long time, eating and drinking with us.. He came over to congratulate me for passing my test, joking that I'd have to warn him once I left the house in my car so he'd clear the streets and stay at home for safety reasons.
The last few days have been very hard. Mostly because it's like a repeat of what happened to my family a decade ago. It's been very hard on my mum who took him as a father and an older brother. She went to him for so much advice, and in return he gave her so much support. My aunty and uncle to her are like her own parents, as she lost hers in the last few years as well.
I've been thinking a lot about my uncle. About the very many memories I was, and we were, fortunate to make with him. He was a short, sweet, funny and amazing man. He made the most yummiest BBQ chicken and meat. When he knew my mum and I would be coming over in the weekend, he'd always prepare some for us. It was this comforting, fatherly thing he did for us. He always supported us, took part in our happiness and comforted us in our sadness. He prayed for us and always made sure he spoke to us every week. He was the head of the family, with the most saddest sense of humour but so much knowledge about our family and the ties we had within the community as well.
He was such a wonderful person. He did so much good. He was such a simple man, he was not materialistic, he didn't care for things we get caught up in this day and age.. And boy did he enjoy his food! I can say with utmost surety that the foodie in me, comes from my dad's side of the family.
He took over quickly and brilliantly after my grandfather started falling ill. After my father died, he was the next closest thing I knew in that type of figure. When I look at my aunty and my cousins, it's almost like a deja vu type situation. I know how they feel. My mum knows how my aunty feels, and all I can say to them with complete and utter faith is that it's going to be okay. It's going to take a while, but it will be okay.
I've realised that I've become very resilient and I can now certainly say that death does not affect me like it once did. I have lost the ability to cry, the ability to feel sadness and the ability to feel that pain that comes with a great loss like this. I certainly miss him, and I certainly feel like my life is very different and quite empty without his presence.
Until we reunite again, Papa - I miss you and I love you.
I rushed to the hospital where I found out that he had passed away. My world felt broken, and I felt so hurt for my aunty and my cousins. I looked at my mum and all I could see was that pain that took 11 years to get pass. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I had just met him a few days prior, and he was fine. He was so peacefully happy and he didn't seem like he was in a hurry to get to anywhere else. Him and my aunty sat at our house for a long time, eating and drinking with us.. He came over to congratulate me for passing my test, joking that I'd have to warn him once I left the house in my car so he'd clear the streets and stay at home for safety reasons.
The last few days have been very hard. Mostly because it's like a repeat of what happened to my family a decade ago. It's been very hard on my mum who took him as a father and an older brother. She went to him for so much advice, and in return he gave her so much support. My aunty and uncle to her are like her own parents, as she lost hers in the last few years as well.
I've been thinking a lot about my uncle. About the very many memories I was, and we were, fortunate to make with him. He was a short, sweet, funny and amazing man. He made the most yummiest BBQ chicken and meat. When he knew my mum and I would be coming over in the weekend, he'd always prepare some for us. It was this comforting, fatherly thing he did for us. He always supported us, took part in our happiness and comforted us in our sadness. He prayed for us and always made sure he spoke to us every week. He was the head of the family, with the most saddest sense of humour but so much knowledge about our family and the ties we had within the community as well.
He was such a wonderful person. He did so much good. He was such a simple man, he was not materialistic, he didn't care for things we get caught up in this day and age.. And boy did he enjoy his food! I can say with utmost surety that the foodie in me, comes from my dad's side of the family.
He took over quickly and brilliantly after my grandfather started falling ill. After my father died, he was the next closest thing I knew in that type of figure. When I look at my aunty and my cousins, it's almost like a deja vu type situation. I know how they feel. My mum knows how my aunty feels, and all I can say to them with complete and utter faith is that it's going to be okay. It's going to take a while, but it will be okay.
I've realised that I've become very resilient and I can now certainly say that death does not affect me like it once did. I have lost the ability to cry, the ability to feel sadness and the ability to feel that pain that comes with a great loss like this. I certainly miss him, and I certainly feel like my life is very different and quite empty without his presence.
Until we reunite again, Papa - I miss you and I love you.
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