I will say though, this has always been my safe space - a place where I've been able to express my thoughts and emotions, in complete openness, without judgement. You see, I've learnt some valuable life lessons in the last few years. One important one is - not everyone is capable or willing to listen to you and your life story. People are utterly selfish, and as time passes by, I find it harder to find genuine people whom I can at least share my name with. Otherwise I stick with Sandra.
In all honesty, if you want to know whether someone is a good listener, and perhaps on the route to being in your life as a friend (which lets face it - is the highest status one can hold in my life, as I only have 3 friends and they're all my family members) - you need to look for the following:
a) they aren't zoning out (if they are, perhaps you are actually boring and are stretching the story too long)
b) they ask follow up questions
c) they show a genuine interest and actually have emotional reactions to what you're saying (laughter, sadness.. No Aww's, and maybe a few tears is asking for a little too much)
d) they don't intrude to tell you a "similar" story about themselves, and hold back until you're done to tell theirs
Conversational skills have gone out of the window these days - and if people do any or all of the above, KEEP THEM. Give them your real number and maybe even add them on whatsapp.
But in all of this - I digress. Hugely.
2017 was the year of epic changes and adventures. It was a busy year. There was a lot of planes involved, and a lot of jet lag and many more sleepless nights. My anxiety was high, and I was having panic attacks quite frequently, although not as frequent as 2016 - man you were an awful year, you were relentless! Shudder. Last year, the husband and I decided to make some positive and big changes to our lives. We weren't okay with being part of the Australian world anymore - Australia, like America - is very small minded as a nation. They think Aussie is the world, and if you have coloured skin, and can speak english well, that you must have had a good education "back home" in India somewhere. Casual racism is a thing everywhere at every work place. Management has no idea how to manage, and petty politics is what takes up organisations time than useful work being done. Staff turnover is stupidly high and the overall culture is abysmal. We wanted something more and since we had just visited Berlin on our travels over Christmas '16, we were in full gear to learn German, apply for jobs with BMW/Porsche/Mercedes/VW and any other big guys that would take us. We learnt German for a good 5 months I think. Das ist uber gut richtig? And we thought we had it all figured out. But we didn't. Mid-year we took another trip across Germany, this time hitting more cities like Frankfurt, Stuttgart and Munich to get a better feel about what on earth we were doing. We didn't feel the magic. It felt foreign and unlike what we had dreamt of. But we went back to London, and weirdly.. Found the magic.
A few weeks later, back in Melbourne, the husband got an amazing job with a fantastic company right here in England. Once he accepted the job, the next 6 weeks were a marathon pretty much. We had little time to make the change-over and transfer to England. And then, towards the end of September, here we were. I was back home, and the husband was with me.
It's funny how life works - and I say that often. We tried for a good 8 months for Germany and it just never stuck. The moment we changed our plans a bit, everything fell in to place so quickly and so well. We were and are so fortunate for it to have worked so smoothly. Of course once we moved here, it took a while for us to find our feet and to really feel at home - there were a lot of AirBnb's and a lot of shifting around. But once we found our sweet little home, it all just stabilised itself.
2017 was a greatly confusing year as well - I kept finding myself in jobs I didn't like and my heart just couldn't settle on being unhappy and being part of a job that was just not right. I found myself questioning so many things about the future of my career path. Where was I? Where was I going? Did I want to stay there? What on earth am I doing? But what experience teaches me is that - when something isn't working - it's not the right thing for you. And as you know, I don't do things that make me unhappy. I literally, leave the situation faster than you can say "go" - one way or another. It's not quitting, it's just not holding on to negativity and getting rid of the things that aren't helping you. Think of it like an allergy to something, say, pineapple. You so badly want it to work for you because you know the nutrients they have, so you keep trying, but you just break out in huge red rashes all over your face that take days to clear up, not to mention a swollen tongue and the inability to breathe without wheezing strongly after a few bites. At some point you're going to be labelled a stupid person for continuing to try and make something work for you that your body is literally rejecting. It's best to let it go and try something else - perhaps a different fruit. Just like that, bad jobs give me massive allergic reactions in my mind and body.
Other than moving across the globe right back to where I started, we also went on one of the greatest trips of our lifetime. We went to Cairns and up the Great Barrier Reef to snorkel and dive with some of the most gorgeous and wonderful residents of the ocean. Bucket list item, ticked, all over the place! I have never been so close to sea turtles who look so happy and dude-like, and clown-fish that actually hide in their anemones! Seriously breath-taking few hours of my life. This was the reason I no longer fear the ocean, because I was in the depth of it, and it made me feel so so content and so peaceful. I feel tingly right now thinking about it, whilst I stare out at the recycling truck taking all our thoughtfully placed items.
I have also grown to want to protect our planet. We've become really thoughtful about food, wastage, excess, plastic, recycling, the environment, animals and everything that is living (except humans - they're just going downhill bruh, there's no protecting them). I never thought of myself as an environmentalist or someone who is even aware of what is going around them in this context - however, after witnessing the bleaching of the corals, and seeing how hard certain organisations and people work to protect places like Antarctica and other heritage sites across the world, I feel responsible with how I use and abuse garbage in my home. We've adopted a very simplistic lifestyle - one that is not made of greed, many belongings, or wastefulness. Whenever we can, we actually lessen and clear our spaces of "things". I no longer feel the need to collect and store various things, or food or anything like that. If we don't have it and we don't need it - we don't buy it. I hate accumulation. I love spaces that are more open with less furniture and "things" on show. I hate opening cupboards to find that there are a few more packets of nuts we need, when we don't even need to replenish them. And I desperately dislike it when other people give us their "stuff" - thinking we may need it. Some people who have come to our home have asked us so many times whether we need this or that because we don't have it, whether it's a new spice mix or a new set of bedsheets, and find it weird when we continually say "no". We no longer prepare things like ginger and garlic in advance and leave it in the fridge for years to come. Everything is fresh, nothing is stored unless it's left-over.
I feel more and more comfortable in my skin - in who I am and where I am heading. I don't want to save millions of pounds in hopes to use when I am 65, but I want to use it now in adventures, life experiences and travels. This world is huge, and it's got so much to show and teach us, so why not do that instead?
As 2018 progresses on, I feel like I am getting quieter yet more opinionated about the shambles that is the human race. I have awareness about my surroundings and the people in it like never before, and I am always reading between the lines. I am out to make myself better, stronger and more content than ever before. I want to be the best version of myself, and make no compromises with other's comments or negative thoughts. This year, I take back all that is mine, in places I have left it and people I have allowed in - and building a stronger foundation.
So here we are now. In Warwick. In front of a gorgeous park, on a mild winter-spring day, looking forward to the next big adventure.
