Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing" said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
Friday, May 30, 2014
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Quote
I know I've been putting up a lot of quotes since this year began. The reason is, I've been reading a lot more and therefore I come across some of the wonderfully written sentences and paragraphs I've ever witnessed. Perhaps I'm more aware and appreciative of said words now than I have been in the past, I don't know.. But I do enjoy them, and some of them seem to stick in my mind for a very very long while.
“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way. Let our scars fall in love.”
- Galway Kinnell
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Three Double Zero
This is my Eighth Year of blogging. That's a bit crazy. And it's also my 300th post! Which is doubly crazy. Especially since, more than 300 days have passed in the last 8 years (ie - I haven't blogged every day of every year). Although I like the relationship I have with my writing and my frequency of posting.
In the early days of my blog - access was private. Only a select few had the (dis)pleasure of reading my rants on various things, and of course my inarticulate way of putting them across to this small audience. I'm not entirely sure when I opened the blog up to the world. But I think it made me feel a little less comfortable at first, and a lot more aware of what I was saying out there.
I've tried to be vague in most places, not divulging too much, but at the same time, pouring out my thoughts and my love for writing and all that it brings with it. It's only recently where I've noticed myself being more open and honest about what my story has been, currently is and what I hope it will turn in to. Now of course, even these thoughts and feelings are of the edited kind, but it makes me feel better knowing that they're out there as opposed to causing far too much excitement or havoc within me.
Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whenever I have felt sad, lonely or completely lost - one of my greatest releases was to write down my thoughts - to get them organised and to understand where they came from. It's one of the few ways I got to know myself better. It took me many years to understand what my thoughts were about, what these thoughts led to and what they made me feel. It's so hard to grasp on to such concepts at a younger age, especially with all sorts of changes going on in and out of your mind. There were times, I won't lie, I felt I was completely lost and therefore going insane. And when I read back on various things I've written - whether on my blog, in random pieces of papers, etc. - I get a glimpse of what I was going through at the time, and how absurd some of my thoughts and feelings were. Some were even terrifying. And to be in that state of unhappiness and deep sadness is so tiring. You miss out on so much - yet you feel there's a force that won't let you see the bright side of things. It's a dark, dark place to be.
This blog is quite special to me - as it reflects a part of me that I would have otherwise liked to have forgotten. It stays there as a reminder of the various battles I faced, as well as some of the happy and positive times I had. And it reminds me that these things aren't meant to be forgotten, but also not overly remembered constantly (I don't want to be THAT person) - but they're meant to teach me how to become a better version of myself, and stay as grounded as possible and to have people in my life that help me in those ways.
I also think I represent myself better with words than I do with speech. I'm always more reserved and quiet in person than I am via messaging or emails, so forth. Although even with this, I've become more open when around company I enjoy being with. The initial anxiety of being around many people and striking up conversations has passed, and now it takes only a few minutes for me to adjust before I become Miss Chatterbox.
To end with - I love writing, I love sharing my thoughts and I've so far enjoyed sharing my stories with you. The stories that follow will be even better, I assure you.
Here's a song. A lovely lovely song!
In the early days of my blog - access was private. Only a select few had the (dis)pleasure of reading my rants on various things, and of course my inarticulate way of putting them across to this small audience. I'm not entirely sure when I opened the blog up to the world. But I think it made me feel a little less comfortable at first, and a lot more aware of what I was saying out there.
I've tried to be vague in most places, not divulging too much, but at the same time, pouring out my thoughts and my love for writing and all that it brings with it. It's only recently where I've noticed myself being more open and honest about what my story has been, currently is and what I hope it will turn in to. Now of course, even these thoughts and feelings are of the edited kind, but it makes me feel better knowing that they're out there as opposed to causing far too much excitement or havoc within me.
Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whenever I have felt sad, lonely or completely lost - one of my greatest releases was to write down my thoughts - to get them organised and to understand where they came from. It's one of the few ways I got to know myself better. It took me many years to understand what my thoughts were about, what these thoughts led to and what they made me feel. It's so hard to grasp on to such concepts at a younger age, especially with all sorts of changes going on in and out of your mind. There were times, I won't lie, I felt I was completely lost and therefore going insane. And when I read back on various things I've written - whether on my blog, in random pieces of papers, etc. - I get a glimpse of what I was going through at the time, and how absurd some of my thoughts and feelings were. Some were even terrifying. And to be in that state of unhappiness and deep sadness is so tiring. You miss out on so much - yet you feel there's a force that won't let you see the bright side of things. It's a dark, dark place to be.
This blog is quite special to me - as it reflects a part of me that I would have otherwise liked to have forgotten. It stays there as a reminder of the various battles I faced, as well as some of the happy and positive times I had. And it reminds me that these things aren't meant to be forgotten, but also not overly remembered constantly (I don't want to be THAT person) - but they're meant to teach me how to become a better version of myself, and stay as grounded as possible and to have people in my life that help me in those ways.
I also think I represent myself better with words than I do with speech. I'm always more reserved and quiet in person than I am via messaging or emails, so forth. Although even with this, I've become more open when around company I enjoy being with. The initial anxiety of being around many people and striking up conversations has passed, and now it takes only a few minutes for me to adjust before I become Miss Chatterbox.
To end with - I love writing, I love sharing my thoughts and I've so far enjoyed sharing my stories with you. The stories that follow will be even better, I assure you.
Here's a song. A lovely lovely song!
Monday, May 05, 2014
Twenty Six
Four years away from Thirty. That's the first thing I thought after I got my first birthday call at midnight. As that faded quickly, I sat and had a few moments to myself where I thought over the last year (as I do, every year!).. Twenty five, was spectacularly crazy. It was the age where I figured so much out, but also the most hardest - especially when it came to coming to terms with various life lessons, loss, responsibilities and the idea of love.
I was talking to a friend last night, and we both agreed that since we graduated from university until 25 - life was just really complicated and really confusing. Hormones ran high, a career seemed to be the most important thing on my mind and trying to find "the one" was a chore. It was all wrong. But it was all the wrong I had to do in order to get to the Eureka! moment I had a few months ago.
I may not have everything figured out - there are still so many things I need to sort out and accept, but I felt that 25 was the peak of all cathartic emotions. Everything blew up and everything made sense all at the same time. Although I have to say that the start and middle of it was pretty rocky.
I'm not going to review my year. I've shared some of the thoughts already throughout the year. What I will say is that - weirdly enough, the big things I wanted to achieve when I was 25, I somehow managed to.
I think when it's the right time, things just have a way of working out and magically falling in to place. It's the time to just indulge in the forthcoming wonderful experiences and insane amounts of happiness. Because that, my fellow readers is what 26 will be all about (and Sky Diving. Yes, it's still on my list.. 4 years later).
A quote, to complete my thoughts:
I was talking to a friend last night, and we both agreed that since we graduated from university until 25 - life was just really complicated and really confusing. Hormones ran high, a career seemed to be the most important thing on my mind and trying to find "the one" was a chore. It was all wrong. But it was all the wrong I had to do in order to get to the Eureka! moment I had a few months ago.
I may not have everything figured out - there are still so many things I need to sort out and accept, but I felt that 25 was the peak of all cathartic emotions. Everything blew up and everything made sense all at the same time. Although I have to say that the start and middle of it was pretty rocky.
I'm not going to review my year. I've shared some of the thoughts already throughout the year. What I will say is that - weirdly enough, the big things I wanted to achieve when I was 25, I somehow managed to.
I think when it's the right time, things just have a way of working out and magically falling in to place. It's the time to just indulge in the forthcoming wonderful experiences and insane amounts of happiness. Because that, my fellow readers is what 26 will be all about (and Sky Diving. Yes, it's still on my list.. 4 years later).
A quote, to complete my thoughts:
“I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing.” - Herman Melville (Moby Dick)
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
At the Top
There are a few things you learn when you've experienced something new for the first time. For instance, when I visited the Grampians out in Australia - and walked up that mountain (which now I realise, after much research, wasn't as "high" as some of the others in the surrounding area! Although, I'm not going to let that burst my bubble of achievement. Hmph) and reached that breathtaking peak. There are few moments in my life that have left me speechless. This was one of them. I had absolute clarity of thought and knew that whatever I felt then, I'd follow through with. It was that crazy determination that reaches you when you're filled with all sorts of intense emotions of happiness and elation.
I've never really climbed/walked up a mountain before. And if you had asked me a year or so ago, I would have outright refused to do so in the UK (for some reason, it doesn't have the same "feeling"). I leave these things to be tried elsewhere across the globe.
I don't consider myself a jungle bum, or a bum of any sort really. I like trying new things, and I am always open to adding more experiences to my life. I don't want to be confined to making lists and ticking off things, I've realised in the recent past. I just want to go ahead and nose dive in to whatever new things come my way (although Sky Diving, I've been stalking you for so many years now).
I digress, as per usual. When we reached the top of the Pinnacle, there were a few thoughts that flowed through my mind. One was, that I had never felt so incredibly light and worry-free before. The other was, this is what love should feel like (and other love-esque thoughts). Completely and utterly pure and fresh without any nastiness.
Now I speak about love a lot (according to a word count/repeat website, It's the top 5 most used word on my blog. The other four being - time, feelings, life and people. Spot on!) - and one of the things that always gets me quite irritated is when people say "you're too young still (bro, I'm 26 in a few days. That's 4 years away from 30), why do you want to get married/find someone/etc.. Enjoy your life, enjoy being single, later on you'll want this time back." It's usually married people who give me that advice. And you'd think by now I'd probably be averted from the idea of love/relationships.. Yet, I'm not. My reaction is mostly a groan.
I never grew up with the idea of marriage being a burden or a "bad" experience. I have known it to be tough, sometimes too tough. But I've always known it as a representation of love and togetherness more than anything. Now, if I had actually thought about all the bad things I knew about relationships in general, I don't think I'd be sat here now with such optimistic thoughts. I'd be dismissive about the idea of marriage and possibly wouldn't even mention it.
However, being the sap that I am - I've always been a dreamer. And that's because I've always wanted to have that type of love for myself. I've wanted to have a relationship that was strong and filled with positivity and greatness (as opposed to frustrations and general resentment). It was the only thing I think that has remained consistent through all my trials over the last few years. In fact, it was the only thing that gave me hope for my future. There's a revelation I never made before!
When things were unbearably hard, I would go to my happy place. My happy place would be a vision of me, a couple of years down the line - with another person who was just as glad to be with me as I was to be with him. Hanging around in a log cabin (I have a fascination with these as mentioned previously) playing cards, cooking food and just really being completely free of restrictions on behaviours and traits that were otherwise held back. Simply put, just being content and happy.
I'm definitely not too young. I'm also definitely not finding "singledom" fun (I think I did when I was at uni). There are some people who the "single" life suits very well. I am not that person any more. I've been really independent and self sufficient, and have been there for myself so much the last few years. But it gets tiring to be honest, and at some point you want to talk to and share things with another person who is someone that knows you well and won't judge you for the way you are. Not only that, but you come to a stage where you're like - you know what, I've done everything alone for the last two decades, and now I'd like to do these things with another person. You also start realising that there's something missing - rather, someone. It's mostly the fact that life gets too lonely and same-y. You can change your jobs a few times, and find something "new" to go to for a while, but eventually it becomes clear that you'd love to be going home to someone whom you were counting the hours to see everyday. You see, there's no sense living without love and a companion. In fact, those most luckiest in my eyes, are those who get to share their lives with another. Understandably, it won't always be plain sailing - but even when things get rough, it's the way you meet another person's wavelength and figure things out, that will reinforce the companionship.
I look at myself and I go, well how many more conversations can I have with myself about certain things before I actually go mad? Albeit, my advice to myself is pretty amazing - but it would be amazing if it came from someone else's mouth.
We put so many restrictions upon ourselves in finding love I think. He should be tall, he should have a lot of money, he can't live more than an hour away from my family, he has to have at least two muscles (whatever, I dunno the actual terms) and he should be completely in awe of my amazing self. But we never stop to think what we can offer another person - and I don't mean that in a, criticise yourself type way - but surely we need to know what type of person we truly are (ie, not what we hope to be in the future, or could be.. But as we are now) in order to know how another person would handle our truth. I've always maintained that the heart and the personality of a person should be looked at before anything else. Of course, I have also at times been shallow and have thought that someone was a bit shorter than I would suit. But you know then that the person isn't right for you. Because when you do meet them, you wouldn't want to change a thing. And all those restrictions you once placed on finding the person, will suddenly no longer matter. For instance, you wouldn't care how far he lived, or how many sets of muscles he had or how much money was in his bank. All that would (or rather should) matter is what type of person he is, and whether he will take care of you and keep you happy. The rest, will fall in to place.
Going back to my original point - when I was on top of that peak, and I felt completely moved by what I saw before me.. I was certain then, that I would never settle with love. I wouldn't marry someone out of thin air, just because it was an easy thing to do. No, I would fall in love madly and completely all at once - and it would be the most scariest most exhilarating thing I would ever witness. And just like that, I would create my own story with someone else.. And that story, will be my most favourite.
A song - to wrap up my thoughts.
I've never really climbed/walked up a mountain before. And if you had asked me a year or so ago, I would have outright refused to do so in the UK (for some reason, it doesn't have the same "feeling"). I leave these things to be tried elsewhere across the globe.
I don't consider myself a jungle bum, or a bum of any sort really. I like trying new things, and I am always open to adding more experiences to my life. I don't want to be confined to making lists and ticking off things, I've realised in the recent past. I just want to go ahead and nose dive in to whatever new things come my way (although Sky Diving, I've been stalking you for so many years now).
I digress, as per usual. When we reached the top of the Pinnacle, there were a few thoughts that flowed through my mind. One was, that I had never felt so incredibly light and worry-free before. The other was, this is what love should feel like (and other love-esque thoughts). Completely and utterly pure and fresh without any nastiness.
Now I speak about love a lot (according to a word count/repeat website, It's the top 5 most used word on my blog. The other four being - time, feelings, life and people. Spot on!) - and one of the things that always gets me quite irritated is when people say "you're too young still (bro, I'm 26 in a few days. That's 4 years away from 30), why do you want to get married/find someone/etc.. Enjoy your life, enjoy being single, later on you'll want this time back." It's usually married people who give me that advice. And you'd think by now I'd probably be averted from the idea of love/relationships.. Yet, I'm not. My reaction is mostly a groan.
I never grew up with the idea of marriage being a burden or a "bad" experience. I have known it to be tough, sometimes too tough. But I've always known it as a representation of love and togetherness more than anything. Now, if I had actually thought about all the bad things I knew about relationships in general, I don't think I'd be sat here now with such optimistic thoughts. I'd be dismissive about the idea of marriage and possibly wouldn't even mention it.
However, being the sap that I am - I've always been a dreamer. And that's because I've always wanted to have that type of love for myself. I've wanted to have a relationship that was strong and filled with positivity and greatness (as opposed to frustrations and general resentment). It was the only thing I think that has remained consistent through all my trials over the last few years. In fact, it was the only thing that gave me hope for my future. There's a revelation I never made before!
When things were unbearably hard, I would go to my happy place. My happy place would be a vision of me, a couple of years down the line - with another person who was just as glad to be with me as I was to be with him. Hanging around in a log cabin (I have a fascination with these as mentioned previously) playing cards, cooking food and just really being completely free of restrictions on behaviours and traits that were otherwise held back. Simply put, just being content and happy.
I'm definitely not too young. I'm also definitely not finding "singledom" fun (I think I did when I was at uni). There are some people who the "single" life suits very well. I am not that person any more. I've been really independent and self sufficient, and have been there for myself so much the last few years. But it gets tiring to be honest, and at some point you want to talk to and share things with another person who is someone that knows you well and won't judge you for the way you are. Not only that, but you come to a stage where you're like - you know what, I've done everything alone for the last two decades, and now I'd like to do these things with another person. You also start realising that there's something missing - rather, someone. It's mostly the fact that life gets too lonely and same-y. You can change your jobs a few times, and find something "new" to go to for a while, but eventually it becomes clear that you'd love to be going home to someone whom you were counting the hours to see everyday. You see, there's no sense living without love and a companion. In fact, those most luckiest in my eyes, are those who get to share their lives with another. Understandably, it won't always be plain sailing - but even when things get rough, it's the way you meet another person's wavelength and figure things out, that will reinforce the companionship.
I look at myself and I go, well how many more conversations can I have with myself about certain things before I actually go mad? Albeit, my advice to myself is pretty amazing - but it would be amazing if it came from someone else's mouth.
We put so many restrictions upon ourselves in finding love I think. He should be tall, he should have a lot of money, he can't live more than an hour away from my family, he has to have at least two muscles (whatever, I dunno the actual terms) and he should be completely in awe of my amazing self. But we never stop to think what we can offer another person - and I don't mean that in a, criticise yourself type way - but surely we need to know what type of person we truly are (ie, not what we hope to be in the future, or could be.. But as we are now) in order to know how another person would handle our truth. I've always maintained that the heart and the personality of a person should be looked at before anything else. Of course, I have also at times been shallow and have thought that someone was a bit shorter than I would suit. But you know then that the person isn't right for you. Because when you do meet them, you wouldn't want to change a thing. And all those restrictions you once placed on finding the person, will suddenly no longer matter. For instance, you wouldn't care how far he lived, or how many sets of muscles he had or how much money was in his bank. All that would (or rather should) matter is what type of person he is, and whether he will take care of you and keep you happy. The rest, will fall in to place.
Going back to my original point - when I was on top of that peak, and I felt completely moved by what I saw before me.. I was certain then, that I would never settle with love. I wouldn't marry someone out of thin air, just because it was an easy thing to do. No, I would fall in love madly and completely all at once - and it would be the most scariest most exhilarating thing I would ever witness. And just like that, I would create my own story with someone else.. And that story, will be my most favourite.
A song - to wrap up my thoughts.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Quote
Go after her. Don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
I left my heart in Australia
I've found home. It's not the UK. It's in amazing Australia! It's so lovely out there!! And best of all, they have Koalas! Have you seen those teddy's? They're far too cute to be left alone. I need to be there to harass them all day and all night and keep them up at night!
I felt comfortable and felt like I belonged there. There was something there. In the air perhaps. Something that felt right. I don't think I've ever felt that at home before, in such a foreign place. And by foreign I mean far away from anywhere else I've ever been.
The company, the atmosphere, the air and the gorgeous greenery everywhere was just breathtaking. I've never experienced so much love for another place as much as I did when I was out there. It took me no time at all to feel settled in the Australian way of life, and I could have easily spent a few more weeks, months, years (you get the point) there without hesitation.
I first got to Sydney, and spent some time wandering the streets at midnight, looking for some grub. Sydney had a great charm, it was welcoming, completely multicultural (food and population wise) and parts of it were so beautiful. It took me a couple of days to actually see the Harbour, The Bridge and The Opera House. Whereas, most people would go off in search of those sights first, I went about things a bit differently and I was very happy with it.
I also had a short trip outside of Sydney to Wollongong as well - which was incredible. The train journey was about 2 hours long, and it was one of those double-decker trains (like the ones I rode to Philadelphia from New York a couple years ago!) which excited me a lot. I obviously took a spot up on the top deck along with my friend as we caught up on each others lives. The views were gorgeous - there were luscious green forests and parks over hills and the ocean.. Oh my the ocean. It was so blue! And so utterly welcoming.
Once we reached Wollongong, it reminded me of something off of TV - like a small Hawaiian Island, mixed with a bit of suburban San Francisco. The first thing I saw as I turned to my friend's flat was the ocean. They live right across the ocean, and so all day and night, all you can hear is the sound of the waves. You can see the sunrise and set, and just relax. I felt quite comfortable there and immediately made myself at home by cooking some (gluten-free) pasta! I met some wonderful new people there too, and I think it was the most relaxed I had been for a while.
Back in Sydney, the first time I saw the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge was at night. It was past midnight and the walk from my apartment to the location was a lovely, breezy one. It was Friday night, so everyone was out about town and there was a great buzz all across. I felt quite safe and really enjoyed taking in all sorts of sights and smells of the city before me. When I saw the Opera House and the Bridge, I was taken aback. It was more beautiful than the pictures, and so calm and serene. There weren't any tourists or any cameras out on walks. It was just me and someone else. We took some pictures, sat along the long wall that lead to the Opera House, and had the perfect view of everything in one go.
I spent time at the Saturday market as well, which was when I saw the Opera House in the day time. It wasn't as charming as it was the night before, when it stood there alone without the herds of people surrounding it. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my day thoroughly - as I ate my way through the various stalls of yummy Turkish Gozleme (spinach and cheese), some fresh coconut and watermelon juice and of course corn on the cob - which I took an age to finish. That market was pretty spectacular as it felt slightly familiar (only better, as it was in Australia!) and everyone was just so cheery, despite the spitty rain.
I also stopped in Melbourne for a few days and I think I fell in love with the City as soon as it came in to view as we were landing. It was so green! Melbourne smelt different. It gave me a warmer welcome (partly because I hadn't been travelling for 2 days to get there like I did with Sydney). And love was pretty much in the air. Melbourne reminded me of nothing I had seen before. It had places and reminders of other countries and cities I had visited or lived in before, but it had it's own magic. Almost charismatic. It lured me in pretty quickly and I saw myself living there permanently very easily.
The food and the company definitely made a difference, I think. We also drove down to Grampians, via the 12 Apostles - both of which were unbelievably astonishing to see in person. We drove over the The Great Ocean Road, and just as the name suggests, the drive was fantastic. It had mountains, greenery, the ocean, lots of bugs hitting the car screen and wonderful quaint towns along the way. I saw some surfer dudes, and I couldn't help but repeat the lines of the Turtle in Finding Nemo in my head whilst I saw them "catch some waves". There are some very stereotypical things one must do in Australia. Do the accent for one (I mastered the art of saying "look at that Snake" in a Steve Irwin type excited voice) and talk about shrimps on the barby's for a second.
We stayed over in this amazing log cabin that was owned by an old couple. The town itself was quite eerie when we got in at night, as everything was mostly closed, there were no people about and certainly no buzz. Our cabins were situated between two mountains - one being the Pinnacle and the other, I'm not quite sure of. The town was a perfect set for those scary movies like, Cabin in the Woods, etc. But the experience was of course, far from it. I've always, always wanted to stay in one of those wooden cabins. And I was pretty blown away when I found out that it was where we'd stay for a night. There was a fireplace, some dusty sofas and a TV that we winded down to watch before hitting the bed (which was complete with an old picture frame of someone very very old, who possibly haunted the rocking chair in the corner of the room next to the long standing mirror).
The following day.. Was simply out of this world. I climbed my first ever mountain. And by that I don't mean with ropes and all that funky stuff. I mean with my legs and sometimes arms. We climbed the Pinnacle, which is the highest Peak out there. It took about 2 hours to get up to the top. The actual climb up was a bit painful at the start, as we decided to take an alternative route via the Grand Canyon which added an extra 0.1 KM to the entire climb. Obviously no harm done.. Or so we thought until we saw some steep rocks and stairs. Plus we had full bellies. Not a bright idea before such excessive walking and climbing, may I add. It was a gorgeous warm and sunny day and I think that made a difference to how much more excited people were to reach the top. I hit a mental wall somewhere in between when I heard a passer by say that there were about 700 more "stairs" (rocks, boulders, etc) to go before reaching the top. 700 in my mind felt like a number I couldn't fathom. But as I saw little boys (literally, about 2-3 years of age) speeding pass without their parents, and not even panting half as much as I was - I kind of got this burst of energy to follow through without winging about the sickly feeling due to a heavy breakfast.
Once we got to the top to witness those gorgeous views of the lands beyond.. Suddenly the last two hours of the climb were a distant and possibly even non-existent memory. All I wanted to do was just stay up there for a while longer and take in the most beautiful, extraordinary, astonishing views I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. We were so far up that we could see showers in the distance, and could see clouds rolling in to various spots. Everything was oddly still. It was so cold and breezy, and there were so many couples and families that just hurdled together to have some food and relax for a bit before making their way back down.
I think I may have a fascination of climbing developing. Especially if the end result is just so insanely magnificent! What's a few steep rocks?
Heading out in to Australia and not seeing a Koala would have been the daftest thing I would have ever done. It was all planned so amazingly by the company I was with - so I didn't even have to think twice about creating a plan myself. I was taken to this Koala Park a little outside of Melbourne where it's one of the few places out there that allow people to pet and feed koalas and also have pictures taken at the same time. Obviously, I was ridiculously excited the moment I walked in and spotted my first Koala. It was love and addiction all at the same time. I think I smiled like an idiot for most of my time there. I possibly even giggled, like a school girl would upon seeing their crush or a boyband star. I was smitten so quickly. They're the sweetest most sleepiest teddy's ever! It was also extra special because the company I was with was also seeing Koalas that close for their first time. So the experience was doubly great.
Following on from there, we went out to the famous Philip Island where we went Go Karting. Now, my last experience of Go Karting was.. Let's just say.. Pretty sad. It was over 10 years ago, and I was quite young and had really awful motor and general awareness skills. I barely made it around one lap I think before the time ended or something really silly like that. Since, I never sat in another kart again. Until this time. I was much better. Although I did come last of a group of 13. I didn't do as bad as I thought, but I think the fact that I can now drive properly, helped a bit with steering and general awareness. It was very entertaining because the person I was with was so incredibly excited (as excited as I was with seeing Koala's probably) - it was like they had won a lottery, whilst rolling around in the finest melted chocolate and then having Persian cats come to you purring (I think this is only fascinating for me). I loved it. It makes me really happy I have realised, to see others enjoy themselves in various activities.
On from there, we went to see the Penguins come on shore. It was so adorable. Slightly creepy as well when you see a bunch of white little flappy things move your way in massive packs, screaming at each other. But when you get over that (and the smell), it was one of the most coolest things I've ever seen! Penguins, you're awesome. At the same time of seeing this, I also witnessed my first ever moon rise, right at the ocean. I've never, ever seen the moon so big and so beautiful before. In fact, I never really think about the moon all that much. But after seeing it in all it's glory, I think I see the obsession.
Jet lag was an issue for the first few days, but I quickly overcame it once I tired myself out through the day with so many different activities. I'm not going to divulge all of what I did, as you all know, I like to keep a few sweet things to myself and for my own memories.
I have the travel bug in me still. And I think it want's to go back to Australia. Although to be fair, something deep within me has been calling me to Australia for so many years now. I am beyond glad and happy that I made it out there even if for a short while. I had the best time of my life, and I cannot wait to go back. In fact, I'd go back in a heartbeat if I could. The flights there are actually not too bad, if you stop over somewhere for a couple days and carry on. Make a double holiday out of it - like I did! I stopped in Dubai for a couple days, met some friends and family and jetted off again.
Australia - I love you. You're in me. You've captured me completely and I can't wait to discover what other wonders (I didn't see a single spider.. Let's see how long that lasts next time!) lie within you. You've stolen my heart. And now my mind can no longer function in British-ness.
Until next time.
Here are some pictures to whet your appetite on what gorgeousness lives at the other side of this world (clicking the pictures will enlarge them.. I hope). Enjoy!
.JPG)
.JPG)
I felt comfortable and felt like I belonged there. There was something there. In the air perhaps. Something that felt right. I don't think I've ever felt that at home before, in such a foreign place. And by foreign I mean far away from anywhere else I've ever been.
The company, the atmosphere, the air and the gorgeous greenery everywhere was just breathtaking. I've never experienced so much love for another place as much as I did when I was out there. It took me no time at all to feel settled in the Australian way of life, and I could have easily spent a few more weeks, months, years (you get the point) there without hesitation.
I first got to Sydney, and spent some time wandering the streets at midnight, looking for some grub. Sydney had a great charm, it was welcoming, completely multicultural (food and population wise) and parts of it were so beautiful. It took me a couple of days to actually see the Harbour, The Bridge and The Opera House. Whereas, most people would go off in search of those sights first, I went about things a bit differently and I was very happy with it.
I also had a short trip outside of Sydney to Wollongong as well - which was incredible. The train journey was about 2 hours long, and it was one of those double-decker trains (like the ones I rode to Philadelphia from New York a couple years ago!) which excited me a lot. I obviously took a spot up on the top deck along with my friend as we caught up on each others lives. The views were gorgeous - there were luscious green forests and parks over hills and the ocean.. Oh my the ocean. It was so blue! And so utterly welcoming.
Once we reached Wollongong, it reminded me of something off of TV - like a small Hawaiian Island, mixed with a bit of suburban San Francisco. The first thing I saw as I turned to my friend's flat was the ocean. They live right across the ocean, and so all day and night, all you can hear is the sound of the waves. You can see the sunrise and set, and just relax. I felt quite comfortable there and immediately made myself at home by cooking some (gluten-free) pasta! I met some wonderful new people there too, and I think it was the most relaxed I had been for a while.
Back in Sydney, the first time I saw the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge was at night. It was past midnight and the walk from my apartment to the location was a lovely, breezy one. It was Friday night, so everyone was out about town and there was a great buzz all across. I felt quite safe and really enjoyed taking in all sorts of sights and smells of the city before me. When I saw the Opera House and the Bridge, I was taken aback. It was more beautiful than the pictures, and so calm and serene. There weren't any tourists or any cameras out on walks. It was just me and someone else. We took some pictures, sat along the long wall that lead to the Opera House, and had the perfect view of everything in one go.
I spent time at the Saturday market as well, which was when I saw the Opera House in the day time. It wasn't as charming as it was the night before, when it stood there alone without the herds of people surrounding it. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my day thoroughly - as I ate my way through the various stalls of yummy Turkish Gozleme (spinach and cheese), some fresh coconut and watermelon juice and of course corn on the cob - which I took an age to finish. That market was pretty spectacular as it felt slightly familiar (only better, as it was in Australia!) and everyone was just so cheery, despite the spitty rain.
I also stopped in Melbourne for a few days and I think I fell in love with the City as soon as it came in to view as we were landing. It was so green! Melbourne smelt different. It gave me a warmer welcome (partly because I hadn't been travelling for 2 days to get there like I did with Sydney). And love was pretty much in the air. Melbourne reminded me of nothing I had seen before. It had places and reminders of other countries and cities I had visited or lived in before, but it had it's own magic. Almost charismatic. It lured me in pretty quickly and I saw myself living there permanently very easily.
The food and the company definitely made a difference, I think. We also drove down to Grampians, via the 12 Apostles - both of which were unbelievably astonishing to see in person. We drove over the The Great Ocean Road, and just as the name suggests, the drive was fantastic. It had mountains, greenery, the ocean, lots of bugs hitting the car screen and wonderful quaint towns along the way. I saw some surfer dudes, and I couldn't help but repeat the lines of the Turtle in Finding Nemo in my head whilst I saw them "catch some waves". There are some very stereotypical things one must do in Australia. Do the accent for one (I mastered the art of saying "look at that Snake" in a Steve Irwin type excited voice) and talk about shrimps on the barby's for a second.
We stayed over in this amazing log cabin that was owned by an old couple. The town itself was quite eerie when we got in at night, as everything was mostly closed, there were no people about and certainly no buzz. Our cabins were situated between two mountains - one being the Pinnacle and the other, I'm not quite sure of. The town was a perfect set for those scary movies like, Cabin in the Woods, etc. But the experience was of course, far from it. I've always, always wanted to stay in one of those wooden cabins. And I was pretty blown away when I found out that it was where we'd stay for a night. There was a fireplace, some dusty sofas and a TV that we winded down to watch before hitting the bed (which was complete with an old picture frame of someone very very old, who possibly haunted the rocking chair in the corner of the room next to the long standing mirror).
The following day.. Was simply out of this world. I climbed my first ever mountain. And by that I don't mean with ropes and all that funky stuff. I mean with my legs and sometimes arms. We climbed the Pinnacle, which is the highest Peak out there. It took about 2 hours to get up to the top. The actual climb up was a bit painful at the start, as we decided to take an alternative route via the Grand Canyon which added an extra 0.1 KM to the entire climb. Obviously no harm done.. Or so we thought until we saw some steep rocks and stairs. Plus we had full bellies. Not a bright idea before such excessive walking and climbing, may I add. It was a gorgeous warm and sunny day and I think that made a difference to how much more excited people were to reach the top. I hit a mental wall somewhere in between when I heard a passer by say that there were about 700 more "stairs" (rocks, boulders, etc) to go before reaching the top. 700 in my mind felt like a number I couldn't fathom. But as I saw little boys (literally, about 2-3 years of age) speeding pass without their parents, and not even panting half as much as I was - I kind of got this burst of energy to follow through without winging about the sickly feeling due to a heavy breakfast.
Once we got to the top to witness those gorgeous views of the lands beyond.. Suddenly the last two hours of the climb were a distant and possibly even non-existent memory. All I wanted to do was just stay up there for a while longer and take in the most beautiful, extraordinary, astonishing views I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. We were so far up that we could see showers in the distance, and could see clouds rolling in to various spots. Everything was oddly still. It was so cold and breezy, and there were so many couples and families that just hurdled together to have some food and relax for a bit before making their way back down.
I think I may have a fascination of climbing developing. Especially if the end result is just so insanely magnificent! What's a few steep rocks?
Heading out in to Australia and not seeing a Koala would have been the daftest thing I would have ever done. It was all planned so amazingly by the company I was with - so I didn't even have to think twice about creating a plan myself. I was taken to this Koala Park a little outside of Melbourne where it's one of the few places out there that allow people to pet and feed koalas and also have pictures taken at the same time. Obviously, I was ridiculously excited the moment I walked in and spotted my first Koala. It was love and addiction all at the same time. I think I smiled like an idiot for most of my time there. I possibly even giggled, like a school girl would upon seeing their crush or a boyband star. I was smitten so quickly. They're the sweetest most sleepiest teddy's ever! It was also extra special because the company I was with was also seeing Koalas that close for their first time. So the experience was doubly great.
Following on from there, we went out to the famous Philip Island where we went Go Karting. Now, my last experience of Go Karting was.. Let's just say.. Pretty sad. It was over 10 years ago, and I was quite young and had really awful motor and general awareness skills. I barely made it around one lap I think before the time ended or something really silly like that. Since, I never sat in another kart again. Until this time. I was much better. Although I did come last of a group of 13. I didn't do as bad as I thought, but I think the fact that I can now drive properly, helped a bit with steering and general awareness. It was very entertaining because the person I was with was so incredibly excited (as excited as I was with seeing Koala's probably) - it was like they had won a lottery, whilst rolling around in the finest melted chocolate and then having Persian cats come to you purring (I think this is only fascinating for me). I loved it. It makes me really happy I have realised, to see others enjoy themselves in various activities.
On from there, we went to see the Penguins come on shore. It was so adorable. Slightly creepy as well when you see a bunch of white little flappy things move your way in massive packs, screaming at each other. But when you get over that (and the smell), it was one of the most coolest things I've ever seen! Penguins, you're awesome. At the same time of seeing this, I also witnessed my first ever moon rise, right at the ocean. I've never, ever seen the moon so big and so beautiful before. In fact, I never really think about the moon all that much. But after seeing it in all it's glory, I think I see the obsession.
Jet lag was an issue for the first few days, but I quickly overcame it once I tired myself out through the day with so many different activities. I'm not going to divulge all of what I did, as you all know, I like to keep a few sweet things to myself and for my own memories.
I have the travel bug in me still. And I think it want's to go back to Australia. Although to be fair, something deep within me has been calling me to Australia for so many years now. I am beyond glad and happy that I made it out there even if for a short while. I had the best time of my life, and I cannot wait to go back. In fact, I'd go back in a heartbeat if I could. The flights there are actually not too bad, if you stop over somewhere for a couple days and carry on. Make a double holiday out of it - like I did! I stopped in Dubai for a couple days, met some friends and family and jetted off again.
Australia - I love you. You're in me. You've captured me completely and I can't wait to discover what other wonders (I didn't see a single spider.. Let's see how long that lasts next time!) lie within you. You've stolen my heart. And now my mind can no longer function in British-ness.
Until next time.
Here are some pictures to whet your appetite on what gorgeousness lives at the other side of this world (clicking the pictures will enlarge them.. I hope). Enjoy!
Friday, April 04, 2014
La Vie En Rose
Hold me close and hold me fast
The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose
When you kiss me, heaven sighs
And though I close my eyes
I see la vie en rose
When you press me to your heart
I'm in a world apart
A world where roses bloom
And when you speak, angels, sing from above
Everyday words seem
To turn into love songs
Give your heart and soul to me
And life will always be
La vie en rose
I talked about having wanderlust a few posts ago.. And I am happy to let you all know that somehow, the universe heard my desperate need to be elsewhere, and managed to make it happen. I am off to Australia for a couple of glorious weeks.
Yes, I will be seeing Koalas, Kanagroos (although I've seen them in England.. Probably not the same feeling.), wallabies (also seen these guys, and they scared me), and so many wonderful insects. I especially look forward to seeing the spiders that are as big as my face. And the snaayks (say it in an Aussie accent) (please also sense the frightenment and the anxiety on these reptiles/insects).
I shall report from the other side of the world, or when I am back!
Wanderlust away!! And while you're at it - listen to my new favourite rendition of the lovely La Vie En Rose (also a silent dedication to the end of the awesome run of How I Met Your Mother!)
Have some shrimps on the barby (that's how you say bye in Australia right?)
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Quote
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.
Friday, March 28, 2014
In the Still of the Night
My sisters and I grew up together, singing and doing all sorts of awesome things together. When you look at us you'll know immediately that we are quite different from one another, and have our own very strong opinions about the other and about life in general. We are all equally stubborn, and very hot-headed. But we are also very forgiving and at the end of the day, we have been through a lot together and apart as well.
It's weird, with siblings. It doesn't matter what you say about them, how many fights you have or how much they annoy you - but the moment someone else says something negative about them, you're the first to jump to their defence. It's actually a unique relationship, I have to say.
Some of my warmest memories of being younger are definitely those with my sisters. Since I was the youngest, I used to tag along with my sisters and their friends wherever they went mostly. Their friends became mine, and thereby family friends by default. Now, they're household names. And that's how we became the people in the family who introduced some wonderful people to the rest of the clan.
This type of friendliness comes from our parents. From a young age, they instilled in to our minds that we could have male and female friends over and could go out with them, as long as they knew who they were, and approved of them. My dad obviously had his unique way of telling us when he was unimpressed with someone (usually by giving them nick names, some of which I can't repeat, due to the sheer hilarity and obscenity). Growing up in such an atmosphere made it easy for me to share things openly with my immediate family and not really care about what others around me thought. My point always remained that if my mum/dad knew, then I was okay.
My sisters and I have always shared a love for the same type of music. We grew up listening to Boys II Men, Mariah Carey, KC & Jo Jo and so forth. It was never x-rated, loud or stupid music. These groups, their songs immediately bring me back to this completely nostalgic yet happy daze. In fact, we were convinced that we could sing like the Boys II Men guys, and we'd Acapella our way through various songs. I used to get background vocals, and along with Anisa, we'd also do the background humming/finger clicking whilst Shafina belted out lead vocals.
We used to slow dance with each other, and we used to make "meals" for each other (Anisa would just melt cheese, and I'd make scrambled egg with cheese topped with "secret" sauces). I look back on these moments, and I feel so happy that I grew up in a loving, fun and completely non-serious atmosphere.
Here's to simpler times!
Here's one of our favourite songs that we used to sing so well, if I should say so myself.
It's weird, with siblings. It doesn't matter what you say about them, how many fights you have or how much they annoy you - but the moment someone else says something negative about them, you're the first to jump to their defence. It's actually a unique relationship, I have to say.
Some of my warmest memories of being younger are definitely those with my sisters. Since I was the youngest, I used to tag along with my sisters and their friends wherever they went mostly. Their friends became mine, and thereby family friends by default. Now, they're household names. And that's how we became the people in the family who introduced some wonderful people to the rest of the clan.
This type of friendliness comes from our parents. From a young age, they instilled in to our minds that we could have male and female friends over and could go out with them, as long as they knew who they were, and approved of them. My dad obviously had his unique way of telling us when he was unimpressed with someone (usually by giving them nick names, some of which I can't repeat, due to the sheer hilarity and obscenity). Growing up in such an atmosphere made it easy for me to share things openly with my immediate family and not really care about what others around me thought. My point always remained that if my mum/dad knew, then I was okay.
My sisters and I have always shared a love for the same type of music. We grew up listening to Boys II Men, Mariah Carey, KC & Jo Jo and so forth. It was never x-rated, loud or stupid music. These groups, their songs immediately bring me back to this completely nostalgic yet happy daze. In fact, we were convinced that we could sing like the Boys II Men guys, and we'd Acapella our way through various songs. I used to get background vocals, and along with Anisa, we'd also do the background humming/finger clicking whilst Shafina belted out lead vocals.
We used to slow dance with each other, and we used to make "meals" for each other (Anisa would just melt cheese, and I'd make scrambled egg with cheese topped with "secret" sauces). I look back on these moments, and I feel so happy that I grew up in a loving, fun and completely non-serious atmosphere.
Here's to simpler times!
Here's one of our favourite songs that we used to sing so well, if I should say so myself.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Unimaginable
I'm a very feeling - intuitive - emotion-based - sense-y (whatever, it's the end of the week) - kind of person. I'm all about the "look within yourself to find answers", and completely unfazed by what others think about me or the way I work. It's taken a lot of challenges and a lot of self-destruction to get me to the point I am at now though. But enough about such sobby stories. Basically, I have a lot of feelings about a lot of things. And opinions (although that's a post for another day).
Since I've realised that I am quite a feeling-y person, I've also realised that I appreciate people who are also quite feeling-y in return. And when I find someone who is of similar nature, it's like I've met a soul-mate, almost. Over the past few months, I've started to become more vocal when it comes to appreciating others. If someone says or does something I feel deserves recognition, I will be honest about it and will say it. This is a new thing for me, as in the past, I've been quite shy and reserved and have only thought those things. But I realise how important it is to actually say it out loud as well.
Recently, someone passed me a very nice compliment, and it touched me so much that I began to tear up, and eventually burst in to tears. To someone watching my range of emotions span from zero - woman (0 - W), would think I was particularly hormonal and therefore utterly emotional. But I wasn't. It was the fact that someone noticed something about me, that had otherwise gone unnoticed for 25 (almost 26.. That's 4 years from 30. Jeeze, (wo)man's getting old) years. It was a compliment based on a trait, and I think those are the most deepest and most genuine.
It was during this interesting exchange that I realised that generally, people aren't very nice to each other. In a world where you'd rather "WhatsApp" a person, than set a plan to meet them when they live in the same city, is utterly bizarre. We're too busy for others. We're too busy being so wonderfully important that we often forget that personal exchanges are the most amazing and natural things in the world.
For instance, I've seen couples who don't have time for one another - because of "other" responsibilities or "other" things. Whatever they may be. I understand that in this day and age, where everything is almost a struggle for every person, that it is hard to find time to sit and write poetry about your Significant Other (by the way, I don't actually mean that one must write poetry for another. Just so we're all on the same track. Can't have you guys thinking I'm a sog, although I am. That is besides the point. And this bracket is getting far too long now). I'm just saying that it's very very easy to take some time out of the day, to just sit and remember why you fell in love with that person. Don't settle in to a boring routine of "being married".. I mean, eventually your teeth will fall off and all you'll do is be married. I think there's so much depth to every person. I find that even a lifetime together, isn't enough to uncover layers and mysteries to someone. And that's such a wonderful thing. It's so wonderful being surprised by your partner many years later, because of a story or a trait you didn't know about. It's like a warm-cosy feeling that keeps you interested.
See, the other things will always be there. There will always be a reason to be busied with other life things. But the amount of change a small amount of time spent with complete emotions, with another person will make, is invaluable.
I've also seen couples who sit and list everything negative, they can possibly imagine, about their Significant Other, without feeling any remorse. It's times like that, I feel that genuine love and admiration no longer exists. Yes, we annoy each other, yes there are people in your life that have become white noise, but when it's someone who you have consciously chosen to spend your life with, I would imagine that these "annoying lists" would somehow disintegrate. Or at least not become the focal point of your relationship. We so often spend our time blaming others for our bad feelings and our mishaps. It's so important to take time, I feel, as an individual to continuously re-evaluate who you are, and where you are going. It's a process, to becoming a better person - because as mentioned a million times before, it's so easy to get stuck in to petty nothingness and drown yourself in that misery. If you're happier with yourself, you're naturally happier around others in your life. People mirror our feelings. They basically react to what we give off, and if we give off unhappiness or misery, they'll only make those feelings stronger.
Now that was a complete tangent-off where I was heading to! Back on track.
Going back to this compliment. I don't know why it shocked me so much. Rather, I don't know why it shocked me that I was so shocked in the first place (there were many levels of shock I was working with here, people). I'm not saying that you should shower people with meaningless compliments all day long, or all the time. Not at all. I feel that people who do good, or make you feel good, should know that they are good people. Because we all go through our lives feeling unappreciated on some level. We feel that our efforts are going unseen - be it in a relationship, at work or with your family (and this includes cats). It's come to a point where, talking to someone who is actually decent and genuinely good hearted, is so incredibly rare - that you're mostly left shocked when they talk to you. You forget to digest the information or the compliments or the conversation in any way, due to the fact that it's almost foreign to you. Now that, my fellow readers, is heartbreaking.
I was fascinated by this person's ability to just really tell me out right what they thought of me. It was effortless and easy. And I wondered what was wrong with them. I mean, surely it's not the norm to be so nice, and so uncomplicated? It's only when I started "researching" this compliment in my own mind, did I hit myself and told myself that I was the one with all those issues. This person, un-chaotically said something that was on their mind, and I wondered, for hours on end what possibly led them to that conclusion about me. It was very twisted, on my part. Because that is how unknown "niceness" and "honesty" has been to me. There are very few people who have appreciated me, I feel, outside my family, and I've never noticed that. It was just a part of my life, and I didn't really pay much attention to it. It's only when you see that something like this exists, that it makes you sad that you lived without it (the appreciation mind, not the compliment. I'm not egoistic. Yet.)
To this person however, you've inspired me to write this post. So, thank you!
Now - here's a song!
Since I've realised that I am quite a feeling-y person, I've also realised that I appreciate people who are also quite feeling-y in return. And when I find someone who is of similar nature, it's like I've met a soul-mate, almost. Over the past few months, I've started to become more vocal when it comes to appreciating others. If someone says or does something I feel deserves recognition, I will be honest about it and will say it. This is a new thing for me, as in the past, I've been quite shy and reserved and have only thought those things. But I realise how important it is to actually say it out loud as well.
Recently, someone passed me a very nice compliment, and it touched me so much that I began to tear up, and eventually burst in to tears. To someone watching my range of emotions span from zero - woman (0 - W), would think I was particularly hormonal and therefore utterly emotional. But I wasn't. It was the fact that someone noticed something about me, that had otherwise gone unnoticed for 25 (almost 26.. That's 4 years from 30. Jeeze, (wo)man's getting old) years. It was a compliment based on a trait, and I think those are the most deepest and most genuine.
It was during this interesting exchange that I realised that generally, people aren't very nice to each other. In a world where you'd rather "WhatsApp" a person, than set a plan to meet them when they live in the same city, is utterly bizarre. We're too busy for others. We're too busy being so wonderfully important that we often forget that personal exchanges are the most amazing and natural things in the world.
For instance, I've seen couples who don't have time for one another - because of "other" responsibilities or "other" things. Whatever they may be. I understand that in this day and age, where everything is almost a struggle for every person, that it is hard to find time to sit and write poetry about your Significant Other (by the way, I don't actually mean that one must write poetry for another. Just so we're all on the same track. Can't have you guys thinking I'm a sog, although I am. That is besides the point. And this bracket is getting far too long now). I'm just saying that it's very very easy to take some time out of the day, to just sit and remember why you fell in love with that person. Don't settle in to a boring routine of "being married".. I mean, eventually your teeth will fall off and all you'll do is be married. I think there's so much depth to every person. I find that even a lifetime together, isn't enough to uncover layers and mysteries to someone. And that's such a wonderful thing. It's so wonderful being surprised by your partner many years later, because of a story or a trait you didn't know about. It's like a warm-cosy feeling that keeps you interested.
See, the other things will always be there. There will always be a reason to be busied with other life things. But the amount of change a small amount of time spent with complete emotions, with another person will make, is invaluable.
I've also seen couples who sit and list everything negative, they can possibly imagine, about their Significant Other, without feeling any remorse. It's times like that, I feel that genuine love and admiration no longer exists. Yes, we annoy each other, yes there are people in your life that have become white noise, but when it's someone who you have consciously chosen to spend your life with, I would imagine that these "annoying lists" would somehow disintegrate. Or at least not become the focal point of your relationship. We so often spend our time blaming others for our bad feelings and our mishaps. It's so important to take time, I feel, as an individual to continuously re-evaluate who you are, and where you are going. It's a process, to becoming a better person - because as mentioned a million times before, it's so easy to get stuck in to petty nothingness and drown yourself in that misery. If you're happier with yourself, you're naturally happier around others in your life. People mirror our feelings. They basically react to what we give off, and if we give off unhappiness or misery, they'll only make those feelings stronger.
Now that was a complete tangent-off where I was heading to! Back on track.
Going back to this compliment. I don't know why it shocked me so much. Rather, I don't know why it shocked me that I was so shocked in the first place (there were many levels of shock I was working with here, people). I'm not saying that you should shower people with meaningless compliments all day long, or all the time. Not at all. I feel that people who do good, or make you feel good, should know that they are good people. Because we all go through our lives feeling unappreciated on some level. We feel that our efforts are going unseen - be it in a relationship, at work or with your family (and this includes cats). It's come to a point where, talking to someone who is actually decent and genuinely good hearted, is so incredibly rare - that you're mostly left shocked when they talk to you. You forget to digest the information or the compliments or the conversation in any way, due to the fact that it's almost foreign to you. Now that, my fellow readers, is heartbreaking.
I was fascinated by this person's ability to just really tell me out right what they thought of me. It was effortless and easy. And I wondered what was wrong with them. I mean, surely it's not the norm to be so nice, and so uncomplicated? It's only when I started "researching" this compliment in my own mind, did I hit myself and told myself that I was the one with all those issues. This person, un-chaotically said something that was on their mind, and I wondered, for hours on end what possibly led them to that conclusion about me. It was very twisted, on my part. Because that is how unknown "niceness" and "honesty" has been to me. There are very few people who have appreciated me, I feel, outside my family, and I've never noticed that. It was just a part of my life, and I didn't really pay much attention to it. It's only when you see that something like this exists, that it makes you sad that you lived without it (the appreciation mind, not the compliment. I'm not egoistic. Yet.)
To this person however, you've inspired me to write this post. So, thank you!
Now - here's a song!
Friday, March 21, 2014
Quote
In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
- Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)