This is my Eighth Year of blogging. That's a bit crazy. And it's also my 300th post! Which is doubly crazy. Especially since, more than 300 days have passed in the last 8 years (ie - I haven't blogged every day of every year). Although I like the relationship I have with my writing and my frequency of posting.
In the early days of my blog - access was private. Only a select few had the (dis)pleasure of reading my rants on various things, and of course my inarticulate way of putting them across to this small audience. I'm not entirely sure when I opened the blog up to the world. But I think it made me feel a little less comfortable at first, and a lot more aware of what I was saying out there.
I've tried to be vague in most places, not divulging too much, but at the same time, pouring out my thoughts and my love for writing and all that it brings with it. It's only recently where I've noticed myself being more open and honest about what my story has been, currently is and what I hope it will turn in to. Now of course, even these thoughts and feelings are of the edited kind, but it makes me feel better knowing that they're out there as opposed to causing far too much excitement or havoc within me.
Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whenever I have felt sad, lonely or completely lost - one of my greatest releases was to write down my thoughts - to get them organised and to understand where they came from. It's one of the few ways I got to know myself better. It took me many years to understand what my thoughts were about, what these thoughts led to and what they made me feel. It's so hard to grasp on to such concepts at a younger age, especially with all sorts of changes going on in and out of your mind. There were times, I won't lie, I felt I was completely lost and therefore going insane. And when I read back on various things I've written - whether on my blog, in random pieces of papers, etc. - I get a glimpse of what I was going through at the time, and how absurd some of my thoughts and feelings were. Some were even terrifying. And to be in that state of unhappiness and deep sadness is so tiring. You miss out on so much - yet you feel there's a force that won't let you see the bright side of things. It's a dark, dark place to be.
This blog is quite special to me - as it reflects a part of me that I would have otherwise liked to have forgotten. It stays there as a reminder of the various battles I faced, as well as some of the happy and positive times I had. And it reminds me that these things aren't meant to be forgotten, but also not overly remembered constantly (I don't want to be THAT person) - but they're meant to teach me how to become a better version of myself, and stay as grounded as possible and to have people in my life that help me in those ways.
I also think I represent myself better with words than I do with speech. I'm always more reserved and quiet in person than I am via messaging or emails, so forth. Although even with this, I've become more open when around company I enjoy being with. The initial anxiety of being around many people and striking up conversations has passed, and now it takes only a few minutes for me to adjust before I become Miss Chatterbox.
To end with - I love writing, I love sharing my thoughts and I've so far enjoyed sharing my stories with you. The stories that follow will be even better, I assure you.
Here's a song. A lovely lovely song!
No comments:
Post a Comment