The trouble about having lived a life filled with moving so many times (countries, cities, houses, schools) is that.. I can't sit still. I've got that itch. The itch to move somewhere new, or to do something different with myself and my life.
It's a wonderful thing however, that I have had the pleasure to experience - the fact that I moved so many times, made so many friends and experienced so many different cultures and places in such a short period of time. I am forever grateful for them, as I am better because of them. Gosh, can you imagine me if I stayed in Dubai forever? Or for that matter, here in London? I can think of two extremes, and I am so glad that I did not shape in to that specific type of person.
Although, I feel like I can't stay in one place for too long, and maybe that's down to the fact that I've never had that experience before. On average I think I've moved every 2.5 years. Although my maths skills are as shady as my well.. Maths skills.
I'm at that place again. Where I am yearning for a change in pace of life. I want to get up and go somewhere and change where I live and what I do. I feel like I've exhausted my time in the place I am at now, and I want something new and different. And no, it's not about commitment or anything like that, it's the fact that I am unable to find myself feeling at "home" yet. I can't remember the last time I felt that, and I wish to feel it again, strongly and possibly for the rest of forever.
Although for me, "Home" is a feeling. It's not an actual building, or a room - it's a comforting, warm and enclosing feeling that you can't really describe other than know that you are completely content and happy to be where you are, without changes. I feel at home in Dubai, and I feel at home with certain individuals in my life. But it's never for more than the time spent with them, as once I return back to routine, I lose that warmth quickly.
Home is a place of belonging, isn't it? A place where you feel like yourself the most, the place where you are completely and utterly comfortable without judgement and without any negativity. It's a place of wholeness, peace and security. You know, when people say "I'm home!" with such great enthusiasm and relief after a trip abroad or something, that feeling, is what I crave for myself. It's a long lost emotion and it's something that I think I've desperately been searching for, over the years. I think that's why I feel easily detached to London and the people here when I am travelling. I miss my mum and her food and my cat, but overall I don't miss the space I am in daily. I sound really ungrateful, reading back on that - but I assure you, I am thankful to all and everything I have in my life. This is me, just trying to get to something I feel I need to surround myself with, to obtain ultimate contentment.
Along with my wanderlust (which is progressing, very well!) and this lack of home feeling, I think I'm creating a recipe for adventure (or at least the sense of adventure). Especially since as the days pass, I am revolted by rules and opinions so much that I feel like I'm closer to taking off than I think. Who knows, in a couple of months I may just post a photo on my blog of the place I am in, without returning to this current path I am on. That would be pretty great.
It's exciting however, not knowing where my next move will be to (because clearly, with this itch, there is no way I'm not itching it. Sounds like I have fleas, but oh well). There are so many possibilities - so many ideas and so many wonderful open doors that I could step through. It's time guys, to get on with life, to find myself at home - so that I stop moving - and to feel more settled.
Until then, enjoy this amazing song.
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