My sisters and I grew up together, singing and doing all sorts of awesome things together. When you look at us you'll know immediately that we are quite different from one another, and have our own very strong opinions about the other and about life in general. We are all equally stubborn, and very hot-headed. But we are also very forgiving and at the end of the day, we have been through a lot together and apart as well.
It's weird, with siblings. It doesn't matter what you say about them, how many fights you have or how much they annoy you - but the moment someone else says something negative about them, you're the first to jump to their defence. It's actually a unique relationship, I have to say.
Some of my warmest memories of being younger are definitely those with my sisters. Since I was the youngest, I used to tag along with my sisters and their friends wherever they went mostly. Their friends became mine, and thereby family friends by default. Now, they're household names. And that's how we became the people in the family who introduced some wonderful people to the rest of the clan.
This type of friendliness comes from our parents. From a young age, they instilled in to our minds that we could have male and female friends over and could go out with them, as long as they knew who they were, and approved of them. My dad obviously had his unique way of telling us when he was unimpressed with someone (usually by giving them nick names, some of which I can't repeat, due to the sheer hilarity and obscenity). Growing up in such an atmosphere made it easy for me to share things openly with my immediate family and not really care about what others around me thought. My point always remained that if my mum/dad knew, then I was okay.
My sisters and I have always shared a love for the same type of music. We grew up listening to Boys II Men, Mariah Carey, KC & Jo Jo and so forth. It was never x-rated, loud or stupid music. These groups, their songs immediately bring me back to this completely nostalgic yet happy daze. In fact, we were convinced that we could sing like the Boys II Men guys, and we'd Acapella our way through various songs. I used to get background vocals, and along with Anisa, we'd also do the background humming/finger clicking whilst Shafina belted out lead vocals.
We used to slow dance with each other, and we used to make "meals" for each other (Anisa would just melt cheese, and I'd make scrambled egg with cheese topped with "secret" sauces). I look back on these moments, and I feel so happy that I grew up in a loving, fun and completely non-serious atmosphere.
Here's to simpler times!
Here's one of our favourite songs that we used to sing so well, if I should say so myself.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Unimaginable
I'm a very feeling - intuitive - emotion-based - sense-y (whatever, it's the end of the week) - kind of person. I'm all about the "look within yourself to find answers", and completely unfazed by what others think about me or the way I work. It's taken a lot of challenges and a lot of self-destruction to get me to the point I am at now though. But enough about such sobby stories. Basically, I have a lot of feelings about a lot of things. And opinions (although that's a post for another day).
Since I've realised that I am quite a feeling-y person, I've also realised that I appreciate people who are also quite feeling-y in return. And when I find someone who is of similar nature, it's like I've met a soul-mate, almost. Over the past few months, I've started to become more vocal when it comes to appreciating others. If someone says or does something I feel deserves recognition, I will be honest about it and will say it. This is a new thing for me, as in the past, I've been quite shy and reserved and have only thought those things. But I realise how important it is to actually say it out loud as well.
Recently, someone passed me a very nice compliment, and it touched me so much that I began to tear up, and eventually burst in to tears. To someone watching my range of emotions span from zero - woman (0 - W), would think I was particularly hormonal and therefore utterly emotional. But I wasn't. It was the fact that someone noticed something about me, that had otherwise gone unnoticed for 25 (almost 26.. That's 4 years from 30. Jeeze, (wo)man's getting old) years. It was a compliment based on a trait, and I think those are the most deepest and most genuine.
It was during this interesting exchange that I realised that generally, people aren't very nice to each other. In a world where you'd rather "WhatsApp" a person, than set a plan to meet them when they live in the same city, is utterly bizarre. We're too busy for others. We're too busy being so wonderfully important that we often forget that personal exchanges are the most amazing and natural things in the world.
For instance, I've seen couples who don't have time for one another - because of "other" responsibilities or "other" things. Whatever they may be. I understand that in this day and age, where everything is almost a struggle for every person, that it is hard to find time to sit and write poetry about your Significant Other (by the way, I don't actually mean that one must write poetry for another. Just so we're all on the same track. Can't have you guys thinking I'm a sog, although I am. That is besides the point. And this bracket is getting far too long now). I'm just saying that it's very very easy to take some time out of the day, to just sit and remember why you fell in love with that person. Don't settle in to a boring routine of "being married".. I mean, eventually your teeth will fall off and all you'll do is be married. I think there's so much depth to every person. I find that even a lifetime together, isn't enough to uncover layers and mysteries to someone. And that's such a wonderful thing. It's so wonderful being surprised by your partner many years later, because of a story or a trait you didn't know about. It's like a warm-cosy feeling that keeps you interested.
See, the other things will always be there. There will always be a reason to be busied with other life things. But the amount of change a small amount of time spent with complete emotions, with another person will make, is invaluable.
I've also seen couples who sit and list everything negative, they can possibly imagine, about their Significant Other, without feeling any remorse. It's times like that, I feel that genuine love and admiration no longer exists. Yes, we annoy each other, yes there are people in your life that have become white noise, but when it's someone who you have consciously chosen to spend your life with, I would imagine that these "annoying lists" would somehow disintegrate. Or at least not become the focal point of your relationship. We so often spend our time blaming others for our bad feelings and our mishaps. It's so important to take time, I feel, as an individual to continuously re-evaluate who you are, and where you are going. It's a process, to becoming a better person - because as mentioned a million times before, it's so easy to get stuck in to petty nothingness and drown yourself in that misery. If you're happier with yourself, you're naturally happier around others in your life. People mirror our feelings. They basically react to what we give off, and if we give off unhappiness or misery, they'll only make those feelings stronger.
Now that was a complete tangent-off where I was heading to! Back on track.
Going back to this compliment. I don't know why it shocked me so much. Rather, I don't know why it shocked me that I was so shocked in the first place (there were many levels of shock I was working with here, people). I'm not saying that you should shower people with meaningless compliments all day long, or all the time. Not at all. I feel that people who do good, or make you feel good, should know that they are good people. Because we all go through our lives feeling unappreciated on some level. We feel that our efforts are going unseen - be it in a relationship, at work or with your family (and this includes cats). It's come to a point where, talking to someone who is actually decent and genuinely good hearted, is so incredibly rare - that you're mostly left shocked when they talk to you. You forget to digest the information or the compliments or the conversation in any way, due to the fact that it's almost foreign to you. Now that, my fellow readers, is heartbreaking.
I was fascinated by this person's ability to just really tell me out right what they thought of me. It was effortless and easy. And I wondered what was wrong with them. I mean, surely it's not the norm to be so nice, and so uncomplicated? It's only when I started "researching" this compliment in my own mind, did I hit myself and told myself that I was the one with all those issues. This person, un-chaotically said something that was on their mind, and I wondered, for hours on end what possibly led them to that conclusion about me. It was very twisted, on my part. Because that is how unknown "niceness" and "honesty" has been to me. There are very few people who have appreciated me, I feel, outside my family, and I've never noticed that. It was just a part of my life, and I didn't really pay much attention to it. It's only when you see that something like this exists, that it makes you sad that you lived without it (the appreciation mind, not the compliment. I'm not egoistic. Yet.)
To this person however, you've inspired me to write this post. So, thank you!
Now - here's a song!
Since I've realised that I am quite a feeling-y person, I've also realised that I appreciate people who are also quite feeling-y in return. And when I find someone who is of similar nature, it's like I've met a soul-mate, almost. Over the past few months, I've started to become more vocal when it comes to appreciating others. If someone says or does something I feel deserves recognition, I will be honest about it and will say it. This is a new thing for me, as in the past, I've been quite shy and reserved and have only thought those things. But I realise how important it is to actually say it out loud as well.
Recently, someone passed me a very nice compliment, and it touched me so much that I began to tear up, and eventually burst in to tears. To someone watching my range of emotions span from zero - woman (0 - W), would think I was particularly hormonal and therefore utterly emotional. But I wasn't. It was the fact that someone noticed something about me, that had otherwise gone unnoticed for 25 (almost 26.. That's 4 years from 30. Jeeze, (wo)man's getting old) years. It was a compliment based on a trait, and I think those are the most deepest and most genuine.
It was during this interesting exchange that I realised that generally, people aren't very nice to each other. In a world where you'd rather "WhatsApp" a person, than set a plan to meet them when they live in the same city, is utterly bizarre. We're too busy for others. We're too busy being so wonderfully important that we often forget that personal exchanges are the most amazing and natural things in the world.
For instance, I've seen couples who don't have time for one another - because of "other" responsibilities or "other" things. Whatever they may be. I understand that in this day and age, where everything is almost a struggle for every person, that it is hard to find time to sit and write poetry about your Significant Other (by the way, I don't actually mean that one must write poetry for another. Just so we're all on the same track. Can't have you guys thinking I'm a sog, although I am. That is besides the point. And this bracket is getting far too long now). I'm just saying that it's very very easy to take some time out of the day, to just sit and remember why you fell in love with that person. Don't settle in to a boring routine of "being married".. I mean, eventually your teeth will fall off and all you'll do is be married. I think there's so much depth to every person. I find that even a lifetime together, isn't enough to uncover layers and mysteries to someone. And that's such a wonderful thing. It's so wonderful being surprised by your partner many years later, because of a story or a trait you didn't know about. It's like a warm-cosy feeling that keeps you interested.
See, the other things will always be there. There will always be a reason to be busied with other life things. But the amount of change a small amount of time spent with complete emotions, with another person will make, is invaluable.
I've also seen couples who sit and list everything negative, they can possibly imagine, about their Significant Other, without feeling any remorse. It's times like that, I feel that genuine love and admiration no longer exists. Yes, we annoy each other, yes there are people in your life that have become white noise, but when it's someone who you have consciously chosen to spend your life with, I would imagine that these "annoying lists" would somehow disintegrate. Or at least not become the focal point of your relationship. We so often spend our time blaming others for our bad feelings and our mishaps. It's so important to take time, I feel, as an individual to continuously re-evaluate who you are, and where you are going. It's a process, to becoming a better person - because as mentioned a million times before, it's so easy to get stuck in to petty nothingness and drown yourself in that misery. If you're happier with yourself, you're naturally happier around others in your life. People mirror our feelings. They basically react to what we give off, and if we give off unhappiness or misery, they'll only make those feelings stronger.
Now that was a complete tangent-off where I was heading to! Back on track.
Going back to this compliment. I don't know why it shocked me so much. Rather, I don't know why it shocked me that I was so shocked in the first place (there were many levels of shock I was working with here, people). I'm not saying that you should shower people with meaningless compliments all day long, or all the time. Not at all. I feel that people who do good, or make you feel good, should know that they are good people. Because we all go through our lives feeling unappreciated on some level. We feel that our efforts are going unseen - be it in a relationship, at work or with your family (and this includes cats). It's come to a point where, talking to someone who is actually decent and genuinely good hearted, is so incredibly rare - that you're mostly left shocked when they talk to you. You forget to digest the information or the compliments or the conversation in any way, due to the fact that it's almost foreign to you. Now that, my fellow readers, is heartbreaking.
I was fascinated by this person's ability to just really tell me out right what they thought of me. It was effortless and easy. And I wondered what was wrong with them. I mean, surely it's not the norm to be so nice, and so uncomplicated? It's only when I started "researching" this compliment in my own mind, did I hit myself and told myself that I was the one with all those issues. This person, un-chaotically said something that was on their mind, and I wondered, for hours on end what possibly led them to that conclusion about me. It was very twisted, on my part. Because that is how unknown "niceness" and "honesty" has been to me. There are very few people who have appreciated me, I feel, outside my family, and I've never noticed that. It was just a part of my life, and I didn't really pay much attention to it. It's only when you see that something like this exists, that it makes you sad that you lived without it (the appreciation mind, not the compliment. I'm not egoistic. Yet.)
To this person however, you've inspired me to write this post. So, thank you!
Now - here's a song!
Friday, March 21, 2014
Quote
In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
- Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
Monday, March 17, 2014
Voice
Voices. They're so powerful. To me, they round up a person which helps bring out their personalities even better. I've always had a thing for voices. And when I was meeting various people for matrimonial purposes, I'd often be completely and utterly put off by them just by their voices - regardless of how they were as a person. Yes, I'm shallow. Deal with it.
I digress though. The point I was trying to make is that a powerful voice leaves a trace in your memory. When you hear that voice again years later, it strikes something in your mind and you're automatically trying to remember the person who it belongs to. Imagine a phone call from a long lost person who you're trying to place.
The other day, whilst clearing my room, my mum and I came across some voice tapes from my dad's things. As much as I've spoken about him, you all know that he was and remains to be one of the most mysteriously awe-inspiring people to have been in my world. These tapes just proved that again - because they were of a novel that he had been writing from years before. I came across gold guys. Pure gold. There were other recordings I came across of his voice, of him having a conversation with a man who he clearly found very incompetent (my dad disliked a lot of traits in people - and rarely liked people, so when he liked someone, you knew that person was something! One of the main traits he disliked in people was, incompetence. He could not stand it.) It was quite amusing, but mostly it was weird. It had made me realise that I actually didn't remember his voice accurately. He sounded so different. And he actually sounded more African then I remembered! It also reinforced how young I really was when he left us. But listening to his voice made me remember how sure he was of himself, and how extremely intelligent as well. He never uhm'd or ah'd - like I do!
A voice can give you so much about a person - depending on the strength, the depth and the tone, and the other day, I was telling someone that their voice was really nice - and pleasant to just hear. I stopped and thought about what I had said, and felt it may have been slightly creepy, but it honestly was not. It was a compliment, albeit a slightly odd one. But you see, that's the thing about voices. If you found a voice irritating, squeaky or boring.. Well then, do you stop talking to them? Or do you just pretend they sound like someone else? What do you do? I generally lose interest and then make up a lavish excuse about having to go.
So, next time you're talking to someone you are intrigued by, listen to their voices. See what you can find out, and whether there's more of a mystery behind that voice, or whether you fell asleep mentally mid-conversation.
I'm so wisdomess.
I digress though. The point I was trying to make is that a powerful voice leaves a trace in your memory. When you hear that voice again years later, it strikes something in your mind and you're automatically trying to remember the person who it belongs to. Imagine a phone call from a long lost person who you're trying to place.
The other day, whilst clearing my room, my mum and I came across some voice tapes from my dad's things. As much as I've spoken about him, you all know that he was and remains to be one of the most mysteriously awe-inspiring people to have been in my world. These tapes just proved that again - because they were of a novel that he had been writing from years before. I came across gold guys. Pure gold. There were other recordings I came across of his voice, of him having a conversation with a man who he clearly found very incompetent (my dad disliked a lot of traits in people - and rarely liked people, so when he liked someone, you knew that person was something! One of the main traits he disliked in people was, incompetence. He could not stand it.) It was quite amusing, but mostly it was weird. It had made me realise that I actually didn't remember his voice accurately. He sounded so different. And he actually sounded more African then I remembered! It also reinforced how young I really was when he left us. But listening to his voice made me remember how sure he was of himself, and how extremely intelligent as well. He never uhm'd or ah'd - like I do!
A voice can give you so much about a person - depending on the strength, the depth and the tone, and the other day, I was telling someone that their voice was really nice - and pleasant to just hear. I stopped and thought about what I had said, and felt it may have been slightly creepy, but it honestly was not. It was a compliment, albeit a slightly odd one. But you see, that's the thing about voices. If you found a voice irritating, squeaky or boring.. Well then, do you stop talking to them? Or do you just pretend they sound like someone else? What do you do? I generally lose interest and then make up a lavish excuse about having to go.
So, next time you're talking to someone you are intrigued by, listen to their voices. See what you can find out, and whether there's more of a mystery behind that voice, or whether you fell asleep mentally mid-conversation.
I'm so wisdomess.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Quote
“If you remember me, then I don't care if everyone else forgets.”- Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the shore)
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.”
The trouble about having lived a life filled with moving so many times (countries, cities, houses, schools) is that.. I can't sit still. I've got that itch. The itch to move somewhere new, or to do something different with myself and my life.
It's a wonderful thing however, that I have had the pleasure to experience - the fact that I moved so many times, made so many friends and experienced so many different cultures and places in such a short period of time. I am forever grateful for them, as I am better because of them. Gosh, can you imagine me if I stayed in Dubai forever? Or for that matter, here in London? I can think of two extremes, and I am so glad that I did not shape in to that specific type of person.
Although, I feel like I can't stay in one place for too long, and maybe that's down to the fact that I've never had that experience before. On average I think I've moved every 2.5 years. Although my maths skills are as shady as my well.. Maths skills.
I'm at that place again. Where I am yearning for a change in pace of life. I want to get up and go somewhere and change where I live and what I do. I feel like I've exhausted my time in the place I am at now, and I want something new and different. And no, it's not about commitment or anything like that, it's the fact that I am unable to find myself feeling at "home" yet. I can't remember the last time I felt that, and I wish to feel it again, strongly and possibly for the rest of forever.
Although for me, "Home" is a feeling. It's not an actual building, or a room - it's a comforting, warm and enclosing feeling that you can't really describe other than know that you are completely content and happy to be where you are, without changes. I feel at home in Dubai, and I feel at home with certain individuals in my life. But it's never for more than the time spent with them, as once I return back to routine, I lose that warmth quickly.
Home is a place of belonging, isn't it? A place where you feel like yourself the most, the place where you are completely and utterly comfortable without judgement and without any negativity. It's a place of wholeness, peace and security. You know, when people say "I'm home!" with such great enthusiasm and relief after a trip abroad or something, that feeling, is what I crave for myself. It's a long lost emotion and it's something that I think I've desperately been searching for, over the years. I think that's why I feel easily detached to London and the people here when I am travelling. I miss my mum and her food and my cat, but overall I don't miss the space I am in daily. I sound really ungrateful, reading back on that - but I assure you, I am thankful to all and everything I have in my life. This is me, just trying to get to something I feel I need to surround myself with, to obtain ultimate contentment.
Along with my wanderlust (which is progressing, very well!) and this lack of home feeling, I think I'm creating a recipe for adventure (or at least the sense of adventure). Especially since as the days pass, I am revolted by rules and opinions so much that I feel like I'm closer to taking off than I think. Who knows, in a couple of months I may just post a photo on my blog of the place I am in, without returning to this current path I am on. That would be pretty great.
It's exciting however, not knowing where my next move will be to (because clearly, with this itch, there is no way I'm not itching it. Sounds like I have fleas, but oh well). There are so many possibilities - so many ideas and so many wonderful open doors that I could step through. It's time guys, to get on with life, to find myself at home - so that I stop moving - and to feel more settled.
Until then, enjoy this amazing song.
It's a wonderful thing however, that I have had the pleasure to experience - the fact that I moved so many times, made so many friends and experienced so many different cultures and places in such a short period of time. I am forever grateful for them, as I am better because of them. Gosh, can you imagine me if I stayed in Dubai forever? Or for that matter, here in London? I can think of two extremes, and I am so glad that I did not shape in to that specific type of person.
Although, I feel like I can't stay in one place for too long, and maybe that's down to the fact that I've never had that experience before. On average I think I've moved every 2.5 years. Although my maths skills are as shady as my well.. Maths skills.
I'm at that place again. Where I am yearning for a change in pace of life. I want to get up and go somewhere and change where I live and what I do. I feel like I've exhausted my time in the place I am at now, and I want something new and different. And no, it's not about commitment or anything like that, it's the fact that I am unable to find myself feeling at "home" yet. I can't remember the last time I felt that, and I wish to feel it again, strongly and possibly for the rest of forever.
Although for me, "Home" is a feeling. It's not an actual building, or a room - it's a comforting, warm and enclosing feeling that you can't really describe other than know that you are completely content and happy to be where you are, without changes. I feel at home in Dubai, and I feel at home with certain individuals in my life. But it's never for more than the time spent with them, as once I return back to routine, I lose that warmth quickly.
Home is a place of belonging, isn't it? A place where you feel like yourself the most, the place where you are completely and utterly comfortable without judgement and without any negativity. It's a place of wholeness, peace and security. You know, when people say "I'm home!" with such great enthusiasm and relief after a trip abroad or something, that feeling, is what I crave for myself. It's a long lost emotion and it's something that I think I've desperately been searching for, over the years. I think that's why I feel easily detached to London and the people here when I am travelling. I miss my mum and her food and my cat, but overall I don't miss the space I am in daily. I sound really ungrateful, reading back on that - but I assure you, I am thankful to all and everything I have in my life. This is me, just trying to get to something I feel I need to surround myself with, to obtain ultimate contentment.
Along with my wanderlust (which is progressing, very well!) and this lack of home feeling, I think I'm creating a recipe for adventure (or at least the sense of adventure). Especially since as the days pass, I am revolted by rules and opinions so much that I feel like I'm closer to taking off than I think. Who knows, in a couple of months I may just post a photo on my blog of the place I am in, without returning to this current path I am on. That would be pretty great.
It's exciting however, not knowing where my next move will be to (because clearly, with this itch, there is no way I'm not itching it. Sounds like I have fleas, but oh well). There are so many possibilities - so many ideas and so many wonderful open doors that I could step through. It's time guys, to get on with life, to find myself at home - so that I stop moving - and to feel more settled.
Until then, enjoy this amazing song.
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