Six Years and a Whole lot of life later..

For the past 3 years that I have had this blog, I've always written something on this day. 26th of June. It was the day my dad passed on, and today marks the sixth year.

Every year, I write about different memories I had with him, or what I remember of being a family with him.. Because after all, that is how we all still think of him. But today, I've been thinking - how would life be with him now? Would we have moved to London eventually? Would I be the way I am now - or would I be completely different? How would he have been with my nieces and nephew? And how would he have dealt with all his daughters growing older and seeing them evolve into the more adult part of their lives. For example, with me - university and working. And my sisters - becoming mothers and raising a family.. Heh, I wonder what he would've thought of the various big decisions I've made over the years as well.

I know for sure though, he would've invested in a really big holiday for him and my mum - where he could ride a Harley and my mum could wear a leather jacket.. (Tsk, don't ask.)

There are so many questions in my head, and at times I try really hard to think about how everything would've turned out, had that single minute had not taken place 6 years ago.

As the years go by, it actually gets harder to believe that we've all come so far along. It's shocking to see how we've dealt with our grief and how we've managed to become somewhat whole again (apart from that giant hole). I realise now, how strong each of us are - and how incredibly well we've done in rebuilding our lives since that unfortunate day. When I sit and look back and actually use my fingers to count how many years have gone by, it's actually unbelievable and slightly scary. It really can't have been that long.. But I guess it shows how much we still keep him alive.

I can't really imagine life with him now.. I don't think I've ever really been able to see it, even when I was younger, I couldn't see him in those plans or scenarios I had created for the future. It's weird, but oddly true.

Missing him never stops and questioning his sudden passing also never stops. There's always those low days when it feels like nothing is right and you just feel like you're caught up in too much mess. That's when I start to feel the lack of his presence the most - when I feel like I need some fatherly advice, or that I need a giant finger to hold on to lead me through some turbulence. Sometimes, I'm just a 10 year old, waiting to be embraced by those warm and reassuring arms, into safety.

So here's to you dad. You are and forever will be - the perfect man and angel of my life. Someone who I still talk to when I need help from releasing confusion or general sadness. Even though you're not here, and it's been 6 years since you've been gone - a part of me still childishly waits to hear you come through the door, with a bag of goodies and the smell of Dunhil Desire

Alas, ends the day that took everything. But brought us here.

1992, Dubai - When we first arrived in the UAE.