"There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask "what if I fall?" Oh, but my darling.. What if you fly?" - Erin Hanson
Friday, August 29, 2014
Quote
Monday, August 25, 2014
A Year From Now
This time last year, I remember thinking "I wonder what I'll be doing a year from now." I tried to envision what types of things would have happened in the year ahead. I wondered, would I have changed jobs again? Would I have travelled to some place new and exciting? Would I be living in another country? Would I be in love? Oh my god, would I be marrying Benedict Cumberbatch?
August 2013 was spent in going to and from a massive amount of weddings and other marriage functions. I remember being in the car (my beautiful, small amazing car which I sold earlier this year. Poor Fabio!) in my shalwar kameez and high heels (although I'd wear trainers for driving. Keeping it real yo) a lot. Half the time I didn't know whose wedding I was at, and whether we were invited from the groom or the bride's side. And oh, the amount of wedding food eaten last year was just unreal - I was eating butter chicken, mattar paneer (Indian cottage cheese with peas) and biryani on a weekly basis. Along with eating food, the other thing I was asked to do was take many pictures.. Of myself.. From different angles.. With different smiles plastered on my face. Yes, I'm talking about matrimonial photographs. Let me tell you, I learnt a few things about how to pose like a woman and also stand un-awkwardly next to various wall displays, trying not to look like a tower in my heels. The only highlight of the wedding season was that I got to realise that I actually enjoyed dressing up for a few hours. Even more than that, I loved the feeling of getting in to my pyjamas after a long evening of looking sophisticated. (I'm actually smiling at the thought of being in my pyjamas.. Whilst in my pyjamas).
The whole rishta (formal familial proposals that never went beyond the stage of me talking to a random man) stage of things started to really wind down after August for me. I decided to take a step back from it all because well, it was frankly not my cup of tea - at all. I let go of all those ideas that surrounded the topic of marriage, and I realised that I was so utterly put off by the idea of meeting any more men who claimed to be "well travelled, open minded and honest" that I couldn't read another email, have another awkward phone conversation or pretend to enjoy a cup of coffee with someone I felt so disconnected with. It was so difficult meeting so many new people so often, and having to talk about the same things over and over. It was inorganic and forced. And hence, one of the wisest decisions I made a year ago was to just let things be in this matter. I knew that when the time was right I would bump in to someone for the last time, and that was a comforting thought.
I also remember booking my tickets to Dubai as well in early August - thinking "I wonder what I'll do there, and who I'll meet".. I told a few close friends I was coming, and decided that I needed, more than ever, to just have some time off. I think booking that ticket was one of the best things I ever did. I didn't think I'd make it to Dubai, especially since the wedding I was going there for had been moved to London, and also the fact that I had splashed out going to Toronto earlier in the year. But, things just have a way of working out - I've found. And of course, it was one of the best times I've had.
One of the most fascinating things I recognised was that in a year, you can lose and gain so many relationships. People who weren't that involved in your life, suddenly become those that you can't see yourself without. Whilst those you were very close to, have taken a back seat. I have to say, I'm totally happily surprised and eternally blessed to see who I have in my life now. I am definitely of the thought that the best types of relationships are those you never expected. I've always said that I was a fan of spontaneity! :D
Now of course you all know the types of adventures I've been on since August 2013. I have to say that this year has been very kind to me so far, and I think it'll only get warmer and more loving. I told you, 2014 is mine. So is 2015 by the way. I foresee many wonderful things unfolding for me in the coming months - in all shapes or forms.
So now, I ask myself these vital questions - where will I be a year from now? Will I have taken a few leaps of faith? Will I be happier? Will I be a better person? And most importantly.. Will I have done everything with love?
August 2013 was spent in going to and from a massive amount of weddings and other marriage functions. I remember being in the car (my beautiful, small amazing car which I sold earlier this year. Poor Fabio!) in my shalwar kameez and high heels (although I'd wear trainers for driving. Keeping it real yo) a lot. Half the time I didn't know whose wedding I was at, and whether we were invited from the groom or the bride's side. And oh, the amount of wedding food eaten last year was just unreal - I was eating butter chicken, mattar paneer (Indian cottage cheese with peas) and biryani on a weekly basis. Along with eating food, the other thing I was asked to do was take many pictures.. Of myself.. From different angles.. With different smiles plastered on my face. Yes, I'm talking about matrimonial photographs. Let me tell you, I learnt a few things about how to pose like a woman and also stand un-awkwardly next to various wall displays, trying not to look like a tower in my heels. The only highlight of the wedding season was that I got to realise that I actually enjoyed dressing up for a few hours. Even more than that, I loved the feeling of getting in to my pyjamas after a long evening of looking sophisticated. (I'm actually smiling at the thought of being in my pyjamas.. Whilst in my pyjamas).
The whole rishta (formal familial proposals that never went beyond the stage of me talking to a random man) stage of things started to really wind down after August for me. I decided to take a step back from it all because well, it was frankly not my cup of tea - at all. I let go of all those ideas that surrounded the topic of marriage, and I realised that I was so utterly put off by the idea of meeting any more men who claimed to be "well travelled, open minded and honest" that I couldn't read another email, have another awkward phone conversation or pretend to enjoy a cup of coffee with someone I felt so disconnected with. It was so difficult meeting so many new people so often, and having to talk about the same things over and over. It was inorganic and forced. And hence, one of the wisest decisions I made a year ago was to just let things be in this matter. I knew that when the time was right I would bump in to someone for the last time, and that was a comforting thought.
I also remember booking my tickets to Dubai as well in early August - thinking "I wonder what I'll do there, and who I'll meet".. I told a few close friends I was coming, and decided that I needed, more than ever, to just have some time off. I think booking that ticket was one of the best things I ever did. I didn't think I'd make it to Dubai, especially since the wedding I was going there for had been moved to London, and also the fact that I had splashed out going to Toronto earlier in the year. But, things just have a way of working out - I've found. And of course, it was one of the best times I've had.
One of the most fascinating things I recognised was that in a year, you can lose and gain so many relationships. People who weren't that involved in your life, suddenly become those that you can't see yourself without. Whilst those you were very close to, have taken a back seat. I have to say, I'm totally happily surprised and eternally blessed to see who I have in my life now. I am definitely of the thought that the best types of relationships are those you never expected. I've always said that I was a fan of spontaneity! :D
Now of course you all know the types of adventures I've been on since August 2013. I have to say that this year has been very kind to me so far, and I think it'll only get warmer and more loving. I told you, 2014 is mine. So is 2015 by the way. I foresee many wonderful things unfolding for me in the coming months - in all shapes or forms.
So now, I ask myself these vital questions - where will I be a year from now? Will I have taken a few leaps of faith? Will I be happier? Will I be a better person? And most importantly.. Will I have done everything with love?
Monday, August 18, 2014
Quote
"So, it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me.. Everyday."
- Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Head Space vs. Heart Space
I've long wondered what the difference between doing something from your head space and heart space was. I'd often get told, when I was stuck in a pickle that I'd need to get in to my "heart space" and let the answers unfold from there. My reaction was similar to yours, confusion and total bewilderment at the idea that I could actually make a decision from another place but from my brain. My wonderful, complex and totally erratic-ly unique brain.
Leaving the head space is easy. It's directing all your decisions to your gut and what you feel is best for you at that moment. When the head gets involved, it becomes a longer, more complicated and definitely tiring process. There's a lot of thinking involved. And since I've talked about the over-thinking in my last few blog posts, I think I found it a little harder to understand the concept even more. I mean do you just turn your brain off? Is there a switch? And what really happens in your heart space? And more importantly how do I get there?
As we know - the brain is a decision making unit. It's like a processing machine. It needs to convert the data it receives in to either positive or negative conclusions. It's actually quite a powerful piece of equipment we all have, yet we seldom sit down to rewire it and just spend our lives agreeing to the perceptions it creates for us.
Your head space is built in a way to be one dimensional, to resist change, to be fearful of the new and unknown, to worry and most of the time, to draw on past experiences and worry for the future, to doubt, to make you feel that there's only one solution to a problem and so forth. Now this is the type of head space most of us are in all of our lives. We become so accustomed to living through these ideas that stepping outside of this space is totally "no go zone".
In contrast, the heart space is a space of endless possibilities. There is always more than a single way to look for a solution. The resistance to change doesn't exist - the focus is always on the present. It is a multidimensional space, where the unknown is ventured in to with arms wide open and where doubts turn in to curiosity.
Now in order to function on this planet, and in our jobs on a daily basis - there needs to be a balance set up between the head and heart spaces. I mean you can't really walk in to an interview and say "well, I don't use my head at all" - although they'll laugh at your apparent sense of humour, you won't be called in for a second interview. It's knowing when to retreat to each space depending on what is needed from you at that given moment, especially at the beginning. My head space, for instance, is becoming much calmer and much more wise than it ever has been.
I've found that in recent weeks, the heart-head space balance is actually not that hard to achieve. It's obviously different for every being, but when you start creating a more balanced approach to living, and seeing the world around you, you start to feel almost giddy on a daily basis. For me, the heart and head spaces are actually becoming one and the same space slowly - they're almost living harmoniously (with a few bits to tailor). As I've begun rewiring some of the toxic thought processes I had, I find myself already feeling calmer and stopping myself from creating any more chaos or negativity in general.
I think if I continue down this path of balance, I'll be completely worry-free (about the past, present and future, extended future and so forth) in no time. Starting out is always much harder - there are times where I felt this was all total non-sense. I mean how can you say that rewiring your brain with positive thoughts will change your life? That's dumb bruv. But once you open yourself up a little, and start peeking at the magnificence that is you, everything sort of comes full-circle in making you realise that the space you are in is totally unbelievable. And then you can call your space anything you want (if you want) - head, heart, foot, Sanaa (sort of copyrighted/trademarked from the day I was born. Soz), love.. etc.
For now, wherever I am - whatever balance I have created, I am totally in love with it. I appreciate all my quirky moments and even the variety of freak-outs I still have about myself and my life. For I finally know and believe that everything is working out for my highest good. And out of all my situations, only good will come. I am finally starting to feel that where I am headed is actually not that far, and every positive change I make, lets me connect with that big picture even more deeply. AT LAST! (Rejoice, party, throw your hands in the air like you just don't care.. etc.)
And finally - just remember one thing - the heart never leads you astray. It's got far too much love pouring out of it to do that. So trust in yourself a little (a lot), and tap inside and let the goodness flow! I promise you, it's a totally wonderful feeling!
Here's a song I'm a bit addicted to!
Leaving the head space is easy. It's directing all your decisions to your gut and what you feel is best for you at that moment. When the head gets involved, it becomes a longer, more complicated and definitely tiring process. There's a lot of thinking involved. And since I've talked about the over-thinking in my last few blog posts, I think I found it a little harder to understand the concept even more. I mean do you just turn your brain off? Is there a switch? And what really happens in your heart space? And more importantly how do I get there?
As we know - the brain is a decision making unit. It's like a processing machine. It needs to convert the data it receives in to either positive or negative conclusions. It's actually quite a powerful piece of equipment we all have, yet we seldom sit down to rewire it and just spend our lives agreeing to the perceptions it creates for us.
Your head space is built in a way to be one dimensional, to resist change, to be fearful of the new and unknown, to worry and most of the time, to draw on past experiences and worry for the future, to doubt, to make you feel that there's only one solution to a problem and so forth. Now this is the type of head space most of us are in all of our lives. We become so accustomed to living through these ideas that stepping outside of this space is totally "no go zone".
In contrast, the heart space is a space of endless possibilities. There is always more than a single way to look for a solution. The resistance to change doesn't exist - the focus is always on the present. It is a multidimensional space, where the unknown is ventured in to with arms wide open and where doubts turn in to curiosity.
Now in order to function on this planet, and in our jobs on a daily basis - there needs to be a balance set up between the head and heart spaces. I mean you can't really walk in to an interview and say "well, I don't use my head at all" - although they'll laugh at your apparent sense of humour, you won't be called in for a second interview. It's knowing when to retreat to each space depending on what is needed from you at that given moment, especially at the beginning. My head space, for instance, is becoming much calmer and much more wise than it ever has been.
I've found that in recent weeks, the heart-head space balance is actually not that hard to achieve. It's obviously different for every being, but when you start creating a more balanced approach to living, and seeing the world around you, you start to feel almost giddy on a daily basis. For me, the heart and head spaces are actually becoming one and the same space slowly - they're almost living harmoniously (with a few bits to tailor). As I've begun rewiring some of the toxic thought processes I had, I find myself already feeling calmer and stopping myself from creating any more chaos or negativity in general.
I think if I continue down this path of balance, I'll be completely worry-free (about the past, present and future, extended future and so forth) in no time. Starting out is always much harder - there are times where I felt this was all total non-sense. I mean how can you say that rewiring your brain with positive thoughts will change your life? That's dumb bruv. But once you open yourself up a little, and start peeking at the magnificence that is you, everything sort of comes full-circle in making you realise that the space you are in is totally unbelievable. And then you can call your space anything you want (if you want) - head, heart, foot, Sanaa (sort of copyrighted/trademarked from the day I was born. Soz), love.. etc.
For now, wherever I am - whatever balance I have created, I am totally in love with it. I appreciate all my quirky moments and even the variety of freak-outs I still have about myself and my life. For I finally know and believe that everything is working out for my highest good. And out of all my situations, only good will come. I am finally starting to feel that where I am headed is actually not that far, and every positive change I make, lets me connect with that big picture even more deeply. AT LAST! (Rejoice, party, throw your hands in the air like you just don't care.. etc.)
And finally - just remember one thing - the heart never leads you astray. It's got far too much love pouring out of it to do that. So trust in yourself a little (a lot), and tap inside and let the goodness flow! I promise you, it's a totally wonderful feeling!
Here's a song I'm a bit addicted to!
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Quote
"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play "goes on" and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Wherever you are, and whatever you do.. Be in Love.
Miracles have been happening everywhere. I have noticed small but distinct things unfold right in front of me. Whether it's a conversation with someone who was previously unknown to me, or finding out something new "by chance", it's all been completely wonderful. I've also realised that these miracles have been there in front of me, all along. Thing is, I never noticed certain individuals, or absorbed the words I was putting out there through my blog, or to the universe in general. I was simply, in deep sleep. And now that I've finally opened my eyes, I'm finding that every day there's a small miracle that shows me how wonderful things actually are. It's in that moment of wholeness, do you realise how much you've been missing.
Since my last long post, I took a few days to really work on myself more than I had been. I pretty much cranked up everything I was doing, and delving in to the deep end with all my various issues. I saw those patterns of destruct within me, and I felt quite imbalanced. It was basically time to just renew myself. Almost like going to a spa. Coming out rejuvenated at the other end. Except this wasn't expensive, and I wasn't sharing the jacuzzi with some old ladies. This was my own spa. I built rooms of therapy, each room filled with "big things" that needed to be treated, for instance - my inability to be totally happy about something I love, due to feeling scared that it won't last. Some rooms had more than one big thing inside, whilst others had just one, very very large big thing. As I made my way through each room, I analysed where these issues had stemmed from. I thought of various therapies I could give myself - maybe a nice aromatherapy massage to calm down the nerves, or a green tea infused steam to settle the heated thoughts. No, that's not what I needed, for those are only temporary answers to a long term problem. I waited for a few moments, stood in the corridor of my spa and took a few breaths. The answer came almost instantly. Love. That's what I needed. I needed to use love to dissolve all the "big things" that have been building over the years.
Several days passed and I saw the substantial change in my thought patterns. I'm still not where I need to be, but the direction I am heading makes me feel positive to know that I am finally surrounding myself and growing in love. It's no longer tainted or dark. And that, feels so wonderful.
The funny thing is - we never actually understand how simple the solutions are to inner turmoil. We always think it's much bigger than we could fathom, much farther than we can climb to, and harder than we can bear. Just being open to this type of change can turn your world down upside within moments.
I know I harp on about love a lot - but there are so many types of love you can have in your life and that you can experience - it can take you places in an instant. It's one of the best feelings in the world, I think - when you finally let it all in completely. And I'm not only talking about love to yourself, but love that you share with another soul as well.
This year so far, has been one of the most loving, most cherishing and totally encapsulating year I have had the pleasure to witness in forever. I have a slight feeling that this is only the beginning. And what a thrilling thought that is!
Since my last long post, I took a few days to really work on myself more than I had been. I pretty much cranked up everything I was doing, and delving in to the deep end with all my various issues. I saw those patterns of destruct within me, and I felt quite imbalanced. It was basically time to just renew myself. Almost like going to a spa. Coming out rejuvenated at the other end. Except this wasn't expensive, and I wasn't sharing the jacuzzi with some old ladies. This was my own spa. I built rooms of therapy, each room filled with "big things" that needed to be treated, for instance - my inability to be totally happy about something I love, due to feeling scared that it won't last. Some rooms had more than one big thing inside, whilst others had just one, very very large big thing. As I made my way through each room, I analysed where these issues had stemmed from. I thought of various therapies I could give myself - maybe a nice aromatherapy massage to calm down the nerves, or a green tea infused steam to settle the heated thoughts. No, that's not what I needed, for those are only temporary answers to a long term problem. I waited for a few moments, stood in the corridor of my spa and took a few breaths. The answer came almost instantly. Love. That's what I needed. I needed to use love to dissolve all the "big things" that have been building over the years.
Several days passed and I saw the substantial change in my thought patterns. I'm still not where I need to be, but the direction I am heading makes me feel positive to know that I am finally surrounding myself and growing in love. It's no longer tainted or dark. And that, feels so wonderful.
The funny thing is - we never actually understand how simple the solutions are to inner turmoil. We always think it's much bigger than we could fathom, much farther than we can climb to, and harder than we can bear. Just being open to this type of change can turn your world down upside within moments.
I know I harp on about love a lot - but there are so many types of love you can have in your life and that you can experience - it can take you places in an instant. It's one of the best feelings in the world, I think - when you finally let it all in completely. And I'm not only talking about love to yourself, but love that you share with another soul as well.
This year so far, has been one of the most loving, most cherishing and totally encapsulating year I have had the pleasure to witness in forever. I have a slight feeling that this is only the beginning. And what a thrilling thought that is!
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