I've been away from technology and socialisation for a good few months now.. Not entirely by choice but mostly because of immersing myself in work and a bunch of other things that has been a welcomed distraction away from many things I have been trying to figure out.
No, I'm not about to list the extensive list of things I have been "figuring out", but I will share one of the things that has taken precedence over all other thoughts. That is - love.
I've been questioning the idea of love for many years now.. But never have I truly spent so much time (in my mind) understanding it and the very many ways it is represented. I read many books. I listen to a lot of music. I watch a few movies and I day dream a lot more. I constantly think about the type of man I could end up with, and the type of things he'd say or do to make me happy. Yes, these are general things that girls think about when they are younger. With me however, they have seemed to grow stronger with each passing year as I get older and start to think about my future. I don't know what it is, but I am completely swept away by romance. I really am. The utterly sickening kind as well. (I feel like I should be part of a support group right now, because I would NEVER have said that, out loud.. Especially not on my space for writing). But there you go. The media has corrupted my mind and made me feel that romance in that manner could exist - although I know better, judging from real life relationships I have seen around me, I know that it is far from plain-sailing, I also know that love and romance isn't at all as it has been represented in the media. Although I wish it were. It would make, looking forward to falling in love and finding a man to do that with, so much easier.
Judging however, from my luck, I am pretty sure the above will not happen. Instead, I am probably going to be matched with someone who is very realistic (which is great) and not very romantic either. Not that I'll mind, because romance can get boring after a while (look at me, trying to persuade myself), and I'm sure I'll get used to being his soggy tissue in no time and him mine. And what I mean by that is, I think we'll get used to one another. Although I don't want that. It is actually one of my greatest fears. I don't want someone to get used to me, but be surprised by what I come out with even 10 years of being together. I'm afraid of becoming boring to someone. Or vice versa. These are all very scary things. Perhaps that's why I am still single. Because I think too much about the things I am afraid of, rather than plunging straight into them. This coupled with the fact that I would have to be with someone who most certainly operates on a whole different universe to understand me. I am starting to think, that the person I am meant to be with does not exist. I can back this up with the statistical calculations I have done as well, which have lead me into figuring out that there is a negative correlation between who I am and the man I am meant to be with. This in turn meaning that the older I get, the more weirder and more ridiculous I become, hence having a lower chance of meeting someone. I knew mathematics and statistics would fail me. Damned Psychology!
So now that you all know my big secret. Yes, as realistic as I can be at times, I'm completely the opposite when it comes to romance. Isn't that just so miserable? I've set myself up for disaster already. And instead of sorting these very thoughts out, I succumb to reading more ridiculous books and falling for made up characters. I am so going to end up becoming a cat lady. Oh the horror.
As you all stop to laughing - either out of pity or .. Well it is pity isn't it? Listen to this song.
2 comments:
If it's any consolation you're going through exactly the same thing most soppy teenagers go through.... so you're not that unique after all.
Personally I think the trick is to focus on what you can do to make someone else happy, instead of what the majority of people look for now - that is what someone else can do for them.
In other words, perhaps you should be looking for someone who needs the things you can provide rather than someone who can provide the things you need? There's nothing hotter than being needed.
I can always count on you to insult me :P I'm not a soppy teenager.
Also, I possibly didn't put this coherently - but what I was trying to say is that I'm afraid *I* wouldn't be all up to what the dude is looking for. Not the other way around. You should know this by now!
Post a Comment