Where to now?

So, here I am.. Degree finished, and 2 weeks left to enjoy university with all my friends, and tie up everything I've known for the last 3 years.

From a young age, we're always told that education is very important. You have to do very well just when you finish primary school to end up in secondary school. You have pressure during your GCSE's, when everyone tells you that "these are the most important exams you will have!".. You pass them, just barely for some, and then have 2 more years of "the most hardest exams you will ever have!" for A-levels. The two years pass by, and you realise that actually yes, it is tough and that those exams do mean a lot. They determine what university you go to, and what degree you do as well. The three (or four, depending on the degree) years you plunge into after your A-levels are the hardest, most intriguing, fantastic, exhilarating, exciting, sad, confusing and brilliant years. It is during these years you realise that, everything you've been working towards up until that point, has been to secure a place in university. Admissions look at your GCSE mathematics and english grades almost always, so really.. All that pressure and crazy studying sessions was for a good reason.

I remember when I was in secondary school, and the amount of excuses I'd create to skip school, or a particular class. From headaches, to nausea to the most common "Oh, I have nothing important today, so I can stay home and study more".. When actually, all I'd do is watch tv, hang about like a soggy tissue and get a few extra hours of sleep. At some point though, I stopped asking my mum if I could stay home. I'd just do it if I wanted to, and I'd do my work without being asked. It became an independent routine where I'd make my own decisions, knowing well if I missed classes, I'd be missing out on "important information".

In uni though, it sort of changed. I wouldn't say that I was "free" when I came here, only because I never had any restrictions when I stayed with mum, she never stopped me from doing anything (not that I ever did do anything remotely crazy, wild or rebellious). The only time I'd ask for permission was if I wanted to go on holiday, and that wasn't restricting either, as it was usually to Dubai. Once I moved away, I think I started opening up more, and realising that the world isn't actually such a bad place after all. Until that point, I was very sure that everything in this universe was against me. The whole "teen angst" thing was coming out, and thankfully it didn't last very long. I started doing things I liked more, and cooking and cleaning in ways that were suited to me. I went into lectures whenever I felt like, whether I was 10 - 45 minutes late, never mattered. It was all about learning to do everything by yourself.. From washing your dishes before the breadcrumbs started to grow feet and hands, to staying out late, to meeting crazy deadlines after a great night out till 7 in the morning. I have loved every single moment. Even the times when friends and I had arguments, or other problems.. Of course at the time it seemed like the worst thing, though now I look back on it, and I think it just made me more aware of my surroundings, and people in it. Which is always useful.

So now, here it is. I've finished my degree. Over 30 pieces of coursework and exams later, here I am wondering what to do next. Though I'm not worried for the moment of what my future holds.. I'm sure at some point I will find something that will make me feel less useless than I do now. At the moment, I think I am overwhelmed with all these emotions I feel about uni ending, leaving a place that became home to me.. And most of all the friends I made. Although I guess every person goes through this. I just didn't think it would hit me so quickly, and I didn't think it would make everything all the more bittersweet.

Two weeks left, and I think it's going to be pretty awesome.

Here's a song that has been playing in the background for a few days.