We're fated to pretend

There comes a time in everyone's existence where they are caught in a web of decision-making. Some call this being a "graduate" or at least on the path to becoming one. Others may call it a phase of being in denial. If I were to pick where I stood, I think I'd say right.. Right in the middle.

I am lost, confused yet excited to embark upon the new chapters in my life very soon. I have about 5 months left of university and I am starting to feel all sorts of emotions; sadness, detachment, excitement, nervous, scared, anticipation and happiness. I feel sad knowing that the last three years of my life at university are shortly going to come to an end. I can see why, everyone I've known always emphasises how quickly this time in our lives passes us by. I look back on three years and I see so much change, growth and memories. I look forward to the coming months, and making the most of what I have left here before the chapter closes.

I think the next few months will decide many things for my future.. Something I haven't actually established yet. Should I apply for Masters? If so, what should I acquire one in? Should I start working immediately? If so, what would I be good at? HR, Teaching, Government-related jobs and perhaps even Marketing? Advertising? Research? The list is never-ending and extremely gruelling to get your mind around as well. Sigh.

There are so many questions. There are so many possibilities, but out of that what will be my fate? Will I end up at an office-desk job kind of place? Will I be travelling? Will I be sitting and answering calls and doing admin work? Will I decide that the best thing to do is do nothing at all and take a year to decide? Ahhhhhh!! It's crazy. It's a good crazy, that I know I will miss once I have something in hand, or even a few years from now. We can't all stay 21 forever, and live at university and have insane routines.. Although that would be pretty amazing!

I think we all say, before we graduate that we wouldn't want to end up as one of those people who settle for anything, even if that means a 9-5 office based mundane job. But obviously, many end up in that position for the first job they have.. Or maybe I just think that way. I know for sure I don't want to end up doing that.. But I also know that getting a good job in this era of recession and so forth, is probably going to be extremely tough. At the same time, I don't want to become a city-zombie.. You know the ones who walk in rushed herds across the train station to catch their 5.05 train straight to another one, and another one.. Until they reach home to continue being a zombie, all through the evening.. I don't want to be part of that box.

Lately, I've been having many moments of being shocked and surprised. I notice how many people I've known since I was very young, have gotten married, others have had babies, others are having their first.. And some are engaged. Although nothing but happiness and good words come out of my mouth for them, I can't help but think.. People are speeding up their lives.. Way too fast. All that will eventually come, but what about the middle bit? I dunno what that middle bit contains, but I know there is a middle bit somewhere! Don't get me wrong, I'm not being incredibly "modern" with my thoughts and saying that people should never settle down or should have a very career-oriented life, but there needs to be something before this, and after university. Even if for a year. Maybe that time should be spent travelling, or learning a new language, or spending time with people less fortunate, perhaps even working in another country for a few months.. I don't know. There needs to be a time where you learn to be independent enough that you know you can survive by yourself.. Not however, to the point where you can't adjust to another person in your life.

This all stems from the decisions you make after you have graduated, I think. Perhaps some think it's enough that they have a degree and that's all they'll ever need.. Some may even believe that they need at least 5 years of experience before even thinking of a potential marriage partner entering their lives.. My point being, the next step.. Is going to shape a lot of what I will want to do and a lot of what I will end up doing.. If that makes any sense. No, I don't mean that if I start working in retail I'll stay there forever, I'm saying that decisions made after university could shape the rest of your existence.. At least a large chunk of it. Until you hit mid-life crisis that is.

I just think the world is a strange place to be honest.. How many people out there are really doing what they love, or what they are talented in doing? You see these movies and hear songs about people doing all the wrong things first only because they settled too early, for whatever reason, and then many years later, they decide to put their foot down and do what they know they have a passion for. Perhaps my thoughts are too idealised. I just don't want to be one of those that say "I pretended for most of my life".

Listen to this song, it's been one of my favourites for a few months now.