You may be wondering where I've been since August 13th (or maybe you haven't, but really you have), when I last updated my blog. Well, to start with... I now reside in the city of Melbourne. Yes folks! She finally did it! She took the plunge, dove in heart first and made it to the other side of the globe, to my Mister.
If you had told me at the start of this year that just 9 months down the line, my life would be very very different - I would've thought you were high on something I wouldn't want to try. With the way 2014 ended, I was miserable and totally hopeless as to where this year would lead for me, and us. Of course, there was always a much bigger part of me that was (and definitely remains to be) a dreamer to the point where I knew that if there was something I wanted, yearned for and hoped for with all my soul, the universe would work its magic and make it known to me when the time was right. Ah yes, that old thing. Time. I already mentioned this in my last post, but trust me when I (begrudgingly) say.. Timing is absolutely everything.
If there's one thing I completely believe in and have learnt through this tremendous journey thus far.. It's self-belief. Although I harped on about it so much through some of my posts, it's something I've completely grown to understand and witness myself. It's you. Your prayers, your wishes, your desires, your successes and failures that get you to that point - the point where you almost want to give up all hope and trust in the process of life and somehow get up and face another day. It's that day. The day when things will start falling in to place. It's knowing that you can do it - and that really, anyone can do it, as long as they listen so deeply to their hearts and follow the indications their souls are giving. It's so important to be in tune with what you are experiencing inside. It's the place where everything starts brewing. It's only then you know where you want to go next. What steps to take and how you'll try all sorts of crazy tactics to get there. And this journey has had some pretty insane moments. Oh who am I kidding? It was utterly mental! But then again all mental things lead you to a beautifully messy place.
There has been one thing I've found strange however. I can so openly
write and express my thoughts here and on other platforms too. But when
it comes to expressing myself verbally, I've found that it has been
hard. Perhaps it's the audience. Perhaps it's me. Perhaps a combination?
I haven't mulled over it enough to make a judgement. But I have found
that I've become even more set in my thoughts and ways than I previously
acknowledged. I think
mostly I find it difficult to connect with many people on a deeper level
because of my life experiences. It's not a usual story now is it? And
because of that, I feel like I see the world a lot more differently than
others. I guess this is how you learn to blend with other humans. It's
also how you learn to grow. But it's also how you learn so much more
about yourself. I know now that there are things I have strong opinions
about - and regardless of what others may think or feel towards it, I'll
continue to do the things I do in that fashion until I feel it's time
to change. And as we know, change my dear readers - is absolutely
inevitable. And thank the Lord, that I am open to it in all forms.. As
long as it's positive. Perhaps this change will come my way, perhaps it
won't. But I'll be me in all the me-ness I can muster up until then.
When I moved to Melbourne, I knew I'd miss my family and friends a lot. I
knew I'd be unable to control my emotions when it came to leaving my soul-mate, and the one I was most attached to - my Cookie. But I didn't
know it would be this difficult. That cat isn't just a furry ball of
love and attitude, he's embedded in my soul. I connect with him on
levels indescribable to anyone else. He's silent but communicates better
than most people I know. He's the best companion with deep emotions.
Having him around me was like having the most trustworthy and
affectionate friend you could imagine. And I miss him in amounts I can't
even comprehend. I also miss London, the city I grew to have a love and
hate relationship with.
When I moved to London after living in the Middle East for so long, I
had no idea whether I'd be able to survive it a year, let alone 10. But
London is a charming place. Once you get to know her, the way I did, she
becomes something so fascinating and so intoxicating almost. London is a
part of me. It's where I was born. It's where I went back to all the
time. It's a place, although I never called home, is where my roots are
based. I sprung from there and I didn't think I'd miss her so quickly.
Of course I knew these things would be a part of relocation and
marriage. I entered this new phase with open arms, ready to face all
sorts of new and bizarre things. This time, with an accomplice. He has
made it so easy for me to fit in to his world. My world has been so
chaotic for so long that sometimes I couldn't fit in to it either.. But
having him around makes all these things so easy. He fits. We fit. Even
bad days seem good. And good days seem beyond wonderful. There have been
moments where I have felt out of my comfort zone, but knowing that I
can just look a few metres away to find him, makes it less
uncomfortable. He's a good fish. And I know that I'll forever be excited to see him walk in to the house.. Even when he's just gone to throw the trash. And that, is a good feeling to have. It's the little things that I enjoy the most, I have to say. Like hearing his car come in to the garage. Or asking him what he wants for dinner. It's the moments where I suddenly realise that I do not have to wait numerous hours to be in touch with him, or to see his face on a screen for a limited amount of time. No, it's there in front of me. In real life. And this is why, I hope to never take, even the boom-boom sounds of his car, for granted.
I've said this before, but there
are moments where you'll feel absolutely nothing is right or good. Maybe
not moments, maybe days or even months of it. But know, that they are
leading you to a place so amazing. You really don't want to miss it. So
even when you want to tear your (or someone else's) hair out, just hang
on a little while longer, because it really does fall in to place. And
the view from the other side is breath-taking.
To end this post. I recall something my cousin said one thing to me before I left London. It's in the title of
this post. "Wherever you go, there you are." And it bought me tears of
bittersweet joy, because those words just hit me in a place that made me
feel like.. It all makes sense. Everything makes sense now. The puzzle
is more complete than incomplete. It's not missing many pieces. There's
always some that go astray, just so you can find them in new ways. So
you can change the way you fix the jigsaw that is yourself and your
journey. But as a whole, I've helped myself remember to be exactly where
I am. And not hope to be anywhere else like I have so often in my paths
so far. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And I am there. In
love. In happiness. And in a new journey. I am all here.
Here's to you, my lobster. And here's to always being right where we're supposed to be.
