I'm a year older. A lot wiser. And still dealing with many of my quirks that sometimes (most times) seem like flaws. I have dealt with so many of my fears, and have many left to deal with still. But I like to think that those almost damaged parts of me, make me incredibly human. Perhaps my choice in degree makes a lot more sense now too.
There's still such a long way to go for me, to be a better, a much more stable and whole person. But for where I am now, I am proud to have made it this far. After all, we are all a little incomplete in some ways. And the catastrophic beauty of this life is to constantly figure yourself out, and fill in the blanks as you go on. You are, never done changing and growing. There is always something you feel you need to tweak or let go of, when it comes to looking within you. I've had a hard time letting go of so many things this past year. It's been unlike any other year I've faced, but with that, came this incredibly powerful moment, where I felt that I had finally accepted what my truth is.. At least for now.
So no, I am nowhere closer to where I had hoped to be by this age, and I have felt very sad about that.. But, let's be honest - how many times do we plan something, and something totally different happens? Yet, you find yourself to be happier than you would have been otherwise. I'm trying to, during difficult moments, remember that everything happens for a reason. What you set up for yourself, in your mind, for your future, may never be what you actually get. Or if you do, the path to that destination, may be altered many, many times. This has been the hardest challenge of the last year, for sure. To come to terms with what I had hoped for, versus where I am. I guess you could say I am a little dream-broken. 27, my friends, has already been a daunting one.
I will say, that for this year, I only have one hope. And that hope is to feel an abundance of happiness. The real, big kind. Not the fake, half-hearted one. The one where everything has fallen in to place, and I have no other choice but to smile and laugh and just be completely absorbed in love and happiness as I move through various situations that I come across.
I think that's something that I can work towards.. Don't you?
