A Connection

I am fascinated by the way we work, if that wasn't already very apparent. This is actually quite new, as before, I only ever found animals fascinating.. And would never really think that much about humans. I know, what a strange statement to make. But it's not really strange, as it was a connection I was missing. 

I've always been very connected to animals. I find them so pure, so intelligent and wise. I love animals, and I've always put them above humans. I possibly get more affected when my cat is sick than when a person is. I've also, on numerous occasions, had fights with people (and stopped communication with them) due to comments made towards animals. Yes, I'm that involved.

Over the recent weeks, I've experienced some intense connections with people. Be it someone I know, or somebody who I'm just meeting for the first time. I find that there are people whom we cross paths with, that are going through similar events as myself.. And somehow you'll meet each other at moments when you least expect it, but need it the most. Your soul guides you to find answers to those questions you have inside - the answers, always lay within us, but often times, we need that push, that spark or that nudge that someone else can give us, just at the right time.

The other day, I met someone who I have known since I was very young. We've travelled together, we've met often and have shared many experiences together as well. For our entire lives, we've never bonded other than the aforementioned times - and even so, we only bonded very superficially. It was not until recently where we sat down and chatted for a long time. During the time we spent together, we uncovered so many details about the other - and it was lovely. The strangest, or shall I say, the most wonderful part about this was - that we were simultaneously going through similar events in our lives. It felt really refreshing, calming and sort of exciting to share these stories. We are of course two individuals, and have our own theories and ideas on our situations, but the essence of it all, was so similar. It was oddly comforting.

I have felt these types of sporadic connections with people before as well. And, it's always with people whom I've not spoken to for a while, or have had no closeness with before. No matter where I am in my journey, and I speak with them - I find that they have imparted some wisdom of theirs to me. Like that, I start pondering and fixing things in my own soul and my path that need to be adjusted.

Connections with another soul are so wonderful. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to a lifetime. When you find these connections, always ask yourself what question they're helping you solve. What is it that you're connecting over? 

Quote

"You're the author of your own book.. And it's time for a dramatic plot twist!"

- Leeza Gibbons

Together

I remember a time when I was so against love and relationships, that I took the effort to not think about it daily. Yes, I was actually that revolted by the idea of falling in love, that I felt it was totally and utterly pointless to waste my brain space on that.

Forward to present times, and that's one of the forefront things on my mind all the time. I am a very affectionate person, and when I feel excessive amounts of affection towards somebody, I show it very obviously. I can't hide it. And even if I tried, I'd probably give it away some how (yes, I am sadly that person). If my soul clicks with another, I am instantly drawn to that person, and I am committed wholeheartedly for whatever journey we are to take together. This is true for all relationships. 

As we all know, I find love to be one of the most encapsulating, most expressive and deep-rooted emotions one could feel. And I strongly believe that whenever you feel that way for someone, you sit and do everything you possibly can to make sure you find a way together - to wherever it is you want to go.

It's that key word of being "together" when in love. And by that I mean, supporting one another, being on the same wavelength about various "big" things, and being connected on  an intense and personal level. It's also about going through the very hard, the really painful and sometimes unpleasant events and decisions that arise - in the most elegant and calm way possible. 

Obviously timing plays a massive part of any story. When timing is right, everything falls in to place. You have to trust and have strong faith that your story is unfolding as it is meant to, perhaps not at your speed, but it's exactly as it should be. Believe in that strongly, when you're on any path and feeling lost or impatient. It's when we get ahead of ourselves and worry about the crazy big future that isn't even in view, we lose sense of our story and our love for that story.

I think the worst thing we could do is forget why we fell in love in the first place. And I see that so often around me. Whether it's with couples who have been married for years, or couples who are just a year or two in to their relationship. It's quite saddening really, and I think that focus, that moment where you felt "this man/woman completes me" should always be remembered. It should be your "restore" function when things seem a little haphazard. 

Also, take risks. Lots and lots of risks. Risks are actually the only way you break barriers - not only the ones you've created within yourself, but also those that others have built. Barriers are built through years of fears, and fears, as we've established are just insecurities that arise when we don't trust ourselves and the flow of life. And well, fears are best dealt with love. See! It always comes back to love. :D

I feel that when you're in a relationship - you're in it for everything you've got. You love the truth about the person you're with. The entire truth, in a way that you'd never change who they are. Many times, people get in to situations like that in hopes of changing the person they are with, because they feel they have that power to do so. They feel that something is not quite right, and "tweaking" their personalities could help the relationship. That my dear, is not unconditionally loving someone. It is in fact, quite selfish.

Love that awakens the soul, is one that is rooted in the celebration of each other's freedom to be who they are, and to accept any changes that come along the way. You can't change another person - it's not how it works. You inspire each other to become better, surely, and you'll also learn new things from each other. But this is not forceful change. Whatever their quirks are, whatever their ways of doing certain things are, their imperfections is what makes them incredibly fascinating and unique. It's all very simple really - your soul guides you to what it needs, and when it finds it, you'll know instantly.

To me - worldly objects, material things, and money don't mean much. I can wear the same clothes for years without caring for fashion trends and so forth. But for me, love, transcendences everything. It's what my soul knows automatically. It only speaks in variations of love, and that's how I know it is for me. 

So, love with your entirety. There's no sense in holding back.

A song, after a long while!

Quote

"You're dangerous"

 "Why?" 

 "Because you make me believe in the impossible"

Sixty

Often times we put those who left our world, on a pedestal. We remember them in a magical way, and sometimes even yearn to believe that certain events which never included them, happened. It's a coping mechanism and it makes sense. What we forget however, is that they were human too. And being human means stumbling, falling, tripping and even crashing as we journey on our chosen paths. 

My dad was human. And that took me a long time to understand. Naturally, he was the main male influence in my life, and after he passed, his memories and what I unfolded about him served as a reminder of what he would have approved of and what he wouldn't have liked. I tried to follow closely by what advice he gave to my sisters when it came to education and career aspirations. However, what I learnt was, even he made mistakes sometimes - be it in giving advice, or judgements about people. And that's not a bad thing at all.. In fact, his imperfections made me admire him even more. It was lifting that veil of him being totally untouchable and incredibly perfect - to a more human man. That took me a very long time to achieve, if I'm honest. It took me a long time because I didn't want to uncover something about him which would make me think differently about him. I didn't want to be upset or angry. My want for getting to know him better however, weighed more and so I followed my gut and started asking questions about him.

The questions I asked weren't just to do with his achievements as a brother, son, father, husband and other roles he played. I asked about the way he solved problems, and how those problems were created. I asked about why they happened, and how involved he was in them. It made me feel like it was completely okay to stumble once in a while, but it also reminded me of the great strength him and my mum both had to steer through the various obstacles that faced them - individually and as a couple. 

My dad had a good heart. A heart that was helpful, loving, affectionate, passionate, intelligent, charming and charitable. Underneath the layers of what he was like to us as a father, and as a husband to my mother, he was a deep thinker and actually, a bit of a free spirit. When his friends tell me stories of what they did and what they talked about, one thing they'd always remember about my dad was that he'd always manage to sit in silence, even if for a few minutes. There are old pictures of him, sitting and looking in another direction, gazing in to something unknown to us. There are very few people who knew what he was really like. It was hard to understand him completely, because his thoughts and ideas stemmed from a whole other universal level. And that made me even more certain that he was extraordinary.

My mum and various others have told me on several occasions said that there are things I do or say or things that happen to me that remind them of my dad. I have been told that sometimes my ideas, thoughts and attitude towards a situation bear similarities with his. Of course, that's one of the highest compliments someone can pay me - for they can see habits he had, in me. 

As I grow older, I feel like the picture I have of him is becoming more and more succinct. I can almost see his thought processes and what he thought about life, love, work and travel. I feel more connected - and that's been a gift I cherish so deeply. He is now, no longer just a tall and protective magician I once thought he was. 

Today would have marked his 60th birthday. Although I don't care much for birthdays, I feel that the big six-O is a big deal. I recall some of the plans he jokingly made for his future with my mum - they included riding on a Harley, with my mum at the back - both in leather jackets, travelling the world together. Now of course the Harley was probably more a classy Jaguar, and the leather jacket for him, a cigar. His plans were simple - they weren't extravagant or materialistic. He wasn't that type of person. He definitely enjoyed the finer things in life - but he was never more happier than in his homely pyjamas, unshaven, lounging on a sofa, watching some long philosophical movie, and chomping his way through various (chicken) snacks. 

A few days before he passed, I remember he stayed up till very late in my sister's room, going through houses upon houses in the UK on her computer. Naturally, he had known that his time was coming to an end, and he was trying to secure something for us - due to the urgency yet calmness on his face. He told me that he may be buying a house for all of us in the UK - and so he was gauging price ranges and area information. I didn't understand any of that. They seemed like such big, important plans. Plans that a man who has his life together, would make. He used words like "mortgage" and "finances" and really that's where my interest ended. I gave him a hug good night, and told him I'd be going to bed. It was comforting knowing that beyond the wall right next to my bed, my protector was there to chase the demons away. And just like that, I fell in to a deep and warm slumber. 

Being a parent, I realise - is difficult. Being a father is difficult because you're always being pulled in all directions - paying careful attention that you give time to your children, as well as their lives and the various connections they're making. I can only imagine my dad's reaction to my wanting to settle down - I think he'd have felt old. He'd probably sit down to interrogate Mr Sanaa to no end. Trying to be scary, but friendly at the same time. Gauging Mr Sanaa's expressions, intelligence and personality and wondering whether he could bring me the happiness, appreciation and stability I needed. Although I think Mr Sanaa would pass all stages of interrogation.. As I would have prepared him well! 

In loving and warm memory of the most charismatic, inspiring and grounded man I have the pleasure of calling my father. 

Happy 60th old man. Snigger.