What if the storm ends?

With the weather so stormy, gloomy and unpredictable lately - it made me think a lot. Although, let's be honest - very little needs to happen for me to go in to my deep thinking zone. It happens instantaneously.

It's been a strange few weeks. There have been feelings of complete loss of control, as well as moments of pure elevation. It's been fantastic nonetheless - why? Because I've finally learnt something that I've been trying to teach myself for years - I've learnt to stop stressing. Yes, I know. I was just as shocked when I realised this wonderful thing. You know how they say that you usually come across moments of complete clarity after some type of psychotic frenzy (okay perhaps "they" do not say that, but George from My Best Friend's Wedding does, and that's more than enough for me) - well something similar finally happened. 

Unlike the movies, I didn't have a sudden shift in thinking - it was something that I felt coming on for a while. The actual work had started long before the actual change took place. I struggle a lot with emotions. This past year has taught me how cathartic, crazy and how absolutely unpleasant emotions can be. Obviously these nasty things can lead to stress, stress can lead to various illnesses physically, mentally and internally - and I struck all three. 

It was a work in progress - learning how to deal with stress. I tried the "just shut it out" method - in other words, ignoring it, but not really ignoring it because all it's really doing is building within you, turning in to kidney diseases, turning in to migraines and all sorts of horrendous illnesses. I tried the whole "fight it" method too, where you confront what's stressing you the most in a systematic order. Although this worked better, it was still tiring because at some point the exhaustion would come and find me and make me feel awful. I then came across the "be patient" method - ie, you endure all the stress, deal with it in any sort of haphazard manner and carry on until you realise that the stressor no longer exists. Somehow, using everything I learnt or tried I came to a bit of a crazy breaking point where I felt that everything was falling apart, etc etc. In shorter words - the whole "woe is me" phase. We all know it too well, let's be honest.

The weirdest part is - after all the ugliness fades, and is dealt with - you (well, the cynic within me) realise that there will always be some type of storm brewing - be it in your mind or body directly, or the atmosphere around you, to the nature around you and the wide world as well. In your mind, you subconsciously wait for the next big thing. There's also this strange feeling that - you want to hold on to something disastrous that happened to you, because it so often defines who you were or who you become. It's almost.. a part of you. I know, what a grim thought.. But nonetheless, true.

In true fashion, no disconsolate post makes sense without a fitting song. Here it is

Quote

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever.

- The Notebook