In the current age of awful music (Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber), even worse lyrics and absolutely ridiculous excuse for songs - I find it important to stay rooted in my music, specifically the stuff I grew up listening. Some of you may cringe or groan when I say Phil Collins or UB40, but those are some of the greatest artists out there who actually made sense in their songs, and had substance to not only the lyrics but the music as well, where the highs and lows of the songs would make your heart race. That is what I call good music - bands like the Beatles and the Who, and now Coldplay who produce(d) brilliant music should be the only people allowed to sing, compose or make music in general.
I mean, songs like Hotel California, Let it Be, Three Little Birds, That's life and a bunch of music from amazing, talented people bought to life what music really was. And I try to think, where did it all go so wrong? When did music like rap, hip-hop and r & b become the "norm" and when did teenagers become the face of "pop"? It's all too depressing to think about. I mean, everytime I hear ridiculous songs from Bieber or Hannah Montanna, I laugh at the sheer stupidity of the concept of their so called music and songs.
For those who still have good taste in music - here's a fantastic song.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
"We're only young and naive still"
Travelling on the Central Line is never pleasant. It's usually a game of musical chairs in the morning and evening when I travel to and from work. People are not friendly on the central line. They don't understand simple human etiquettes, like giving up their seat to a pregnant woman or an elderly person. It's always about them and how tired they are, or how miserable they are. In fact, this morning, I smiled at this lady next to me and she turned around and her massive back pack almost killed me (it was really hard!), after which she hit my newspaper (literally!) as though she had a vendetta against me. This is why so many Londoners have anger problems, twits like these ruin your mornings! And don't get me started on the lack of hygiene some of these people have, and the disgusting colour the seats have turned into from over the years of underground and human filth. So disgusting. I actually have a phobia now of touching anything to do with train stations - even if it is for my own safety. I'm actually going to wear gloves during the summer, I've decided, so that I can cover my hands when holding on to any slimy metallic bars. [Rant Over].
Today marks the end of the first official week I have spent at my new job. It still feels surreal and I wake up every morning with a rush of excitement of having some purpose to my day, as opposed to dread of looking through pages of various job websites.
So I think this year is the year I will sky dive finally, after years of pondering about it. This is the summer, most definitely. Now, to convince my mother to watch me do it. I've decided to actually go ahead and do all the insane things I've wanted to do before I become too old and boring. This list also includes bungee jumping, white water rafting and a bunch of other awesome things. Must get a move on! I really don't want to turn in to one of those London commuters that I described above, so I'm definitely going to start making my way through my list of "things to do once you have money and are no longer in a shameful financial position, enough to make you want to sell various organs which no one will buy anyway due to the various abuse it's endured over the years."
I've also decided to be less serious. I think the last few months was a humbling experience, but I spent a large amount of my time in deep thoughts, my brain actually hurts when I read back to some of my posts. Although they all make sense and every single word I wrote still resonates with me. I just believe it's time that I worried less, enjoyed the various changes in my existence and switch off for a while (hopefully not to the point where I am fired!). Plus Summer is approaching, and everyone knows - you can't be serious in the summer. It's just way to gorgeous.
Lastly, I have fallen in love with Kings of Leon all over again. I know I keep saying this, but yesterday I had their song "The Face" on repeat on my journey home, and I literally just phased out for the longest time and before I knew it, I had walked home and could still hear the song after I switched off my iPod. They do something to me. Something wonderful.
And of course, here is the link to the song.
Today marks the end of the first official week I have spent at my new job. It still feels surreal and I wake up every morning with a rush of excitement of having some purpose to my day, as opposed to dread of looking through pages of various job websites.
So I think this year is the year I will sky dive finally, after years of pondering about it. This is the summer, most definitely. Now, to convince my mother to watch me do it. I've decided to actually go ahead and do all the insane things I've wanted to do before I become too old and boring. This list also includes bungee jumping, white water rafting and a bunch of other awesome things. Must get a move on! I really don't want to turn in to one of those London commuters that I described above, so I'm definitely going to start making my way through my list of "things to do once you have money and are no longer in a shameful financial position, enough to make you want to sell various organs which no one will buy anyway due to the various abuse it's endured over the years."
I've also decided to be less serious. I think the last few months was a humbling experience, but I spent a large amount of my time in deep thoughts, my brain actually hurts when I read back to some of my posts. Although they all make sense and every single word I wrote still resonates with me. I just believe it's time that I worried less, enjoyed the various changes in my existence and switch off for a while (hopefully not to the point where I am fired!). Plus Summer is approaching, and everyone knows - you can't be serious in the summer. It's just way to gorgeous.
Lastly, I have fallen in love with Kings of Leon all over again. I know I keep saying this, but yesterday I had their song "The Face" on repeat on my journey home, and I literally just phased out for the longest time and before I knew it, I had walked home and could still hear the song after I switched off my iPod. They do something to me. Something wonderful.
And of course, here is the link to the song.
Friday, April 01, 2011
5 Years Time
If someone asked me 5 years ago what they think I would be doing in 5 years time, I think my reaction would pretty much be a shoulder shrug and possibly a sentence or two about how I'd hope to have graduated and possibly be travelling. Although that was a generic response for most things, I actually never had one direction. I was pretty much confused and unsure of what I wanted to have achieved by this point.
I look back now, and wonder what I was actually doing around 2006/7 and I see how unhappy I was with everything. Yes, I know I've mentioned it before, so I won't repeat it again, but from that point until the middle of university I was still very unsure with what I wanted to do in terms of employment and career choices. I was adamant in staying within Psychology, such as working within Mental Health Services or Forensics (I know, two different routes unless I wanted to do Forensics and Mental health together, which is pretty interesting). But as time went on, I realised that, in order to succeed in either fields I would need more education and definitely specific experiences, as it is with any kind of field in Psychology. Although this aspect of my so called "career decision" remains just an idea, it may be something I'd like to pursue later in the future when the recession hasn't ruined the planet as it has, and when the UK Government decides to ease the Education cuts/increases.
It dawned on me over the last year of my degree that I enjoyed working with students. Both the roles I had whilst working at University, were very student-oriented. With that in mind, post-graduation I went into an application frenzy. I applied for everything. Anything. Something. Every day. Non-stop. So now that I do have a job, (I thought I would throw that in there by the way!) and it does involve student interaction I am pretty happy. Although I have to say, I find I use my mac much less now. I guess he needed a break too. It feels so weird not going to the same websites every day to look for new jobs, and post applications one after the other continuously like a robot. Its a good weird though, which I am certainly not complaining about.
So, to carry on my thoughts about this whole "in 5 years time where would you like to be" idea, I think I am pleasantly surprised to where I am currently. I think it's good to have a rough idea as to where you'd like to be by a certain age or time in terms of careers/education and life plans, but to set an actual target is a little too presumptuous. I guess it could work with some people, but I know for sure that I don't work well with long-term plans, as I've always found circumstances and life to be far to uncertain and ever-changing to actually set anything in stone. Hah, perhaps it is sceptical. You can judge.
The only constant hope I have for my future is that I am happy and content with whatever I am doing and wherever I may be. I don't want to look back in 5 years time and shake my head in dismay at how foolish I was not to have taken more chances, leaps of faith and all that fancy stuff. I'd hate to turn in to the "shoulda woulda coulda" person.
My new favourite song. Here it is. Absolutely perfect.
I look back now, and wonder what I was actually doing around 2006/7 and I see how unhappy I was with everything. Yes, I know I've mentioned it before, so I won't repeat it again, but from that point until the middle of university I was still very unsure with what I wanted to do in terms of employment and career choices. I was adamant in staying within Psychology, such as working within Mental Health Services or Forensics (I know, two different routes unless I wanted to do Forensics and Mental health together, which is pretty interesting). But as time went on, I realised that, in order to succeed in either fields I would need more education and definitely specific experiences, as it is with any kind of field in Psychology. Although this aspect of my so called "career decision" remains just an idea, it may be something I'd like to pursue later in the future when the recession hasn't ruined the planet as it has, and when the UK Government decides to ease the Education cuts/increases.
It dawned on me over the last year of my degree that I enjoyed working with students. Both the roles I had whilst working at University, were very student-oriented. With that in mind, post-graduation I went into an application frenzy. I applied for everything. Anything. Something. Every day. Non-stop. So now that I do have a job, (I thought I would throw that in there by the way!) and it does involve student interaction I am pretty happy. Although I have to say, I find I use my mac much less now. I guess he needed a break too. It feels so weird not going to the same websites every day to look for new jobs, and post applications one after the other continuously like a robot. Its a good weird though, which I am certainly not complaining about.
So, to carry on my thoughts about this whole "in 5 years time where would you like to be" idea, I think I am pleasantly surprised to where I am currently. I think it's good to have a rough idea as to where you'd like to be by a certain age or time in terms of careers/education and life plans, but to set an actual target is a little too presumptuous. I guess it could work with some people, but I know for sure that I don't work well with long-term plans, as I've always found circumstances and life to be far to uncertain and ever-changing to actually set anything in stone. Hah, perhaps it is sceptical. You can judge.
The only constant hope I have for my future is that I am happy and content with whatever I am doing and wherever I may be. I don't want to look back in 5 years time and shake my head in dismay at how foolish I was not to have taken more chances, leaps of faith and all that fancy stuff. I'd hate to turn in to the "shoulda woulda coulda" person.
My new favourite song. Here it is. Absolutely perfect.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Scent of a Woman
If you know me well, you will know one thing about me - I will NEVER leave the house without spraying perfume; I will always have perfume with me in my bag even if I forget my wallet; I have a pretty impressive collection. I am addicted to perfumes, and it has taken me years to pinpoint what my signature scent and tones that identify with me.
As a teenager I used to wear very strong-scented perfumes which was understandable as I lived in Dubai where it was always very hot and you'd always end up smelling humid (literally). I slowly went off these smells as my obsession over perfumes increased. Just before moving back to the UK I remember picking a perfume I was in love with - Very Irresistible by Givenchy. It was the perfect scent, it suited me in the summer and the winter. It wasn't over-powering neither was it one to cause headaches. It was simply put, flawless. It was here where I realised that my skin suited sweet, fruity and at times particular floral smells. I did not however suit musk, wood, other florals - in fact, as soon as I would spray a bit on my wrist, I would not be able to smell it at all. It's a known fact that, in order to know whether a fragrance suits you, you should be able to smell it on yourself for a long period of time.
To me, scents are very important. And I find myself attracted to/making friends with people who have certain smells. This is obviously subconsciously done. There are certain tones that get my attention instantly when I either pass somebody or am meeting them - especially men. It's always the stronger, less muskier and more fresh and sea-like such as with Green Tangerine and Calabrian Bergamot.
Over time I began understanding the chemistry behind scents - and why some suited me and why others didn't. It was simple. It was down to my own body - my temperatures and hormones - what would smell strongly on me, would smell different and less strong on a friend's skin. Over the years my perfume selection grew - from getting samples to the tallest bottles available. There was however, a trend I saw beginning to form. I saw that there was a distinct division within what suited me very well - the sweet and fruity and the more distinctive and womanly (like Patchouli, Honey and certain notes of Jasmine).
There is definitely something about smells. They say in Psychology that if two people like the scent of the other persons skin (ie - the natural scent without any perfume/lotion/soap), then they are a good match for one another (well technically anyway). Something about the genes I believe (though I read this ages ago). It is why some people get confused or misled in terms of attraction when perfume is used, as the natural scent is mixed with a bunch of other chemicals. Scents therefore definitely play a role in attraction (although I wouldn't suggest you all go out and sniff people up in trains or whilst jogging. No, now that is stalking and creepy [refer to my Stalking Guide for that section]).
So here is a picture I thought I would attach to this post to show you all of my current collection of perfumes. Yes I need more perfume space!
As a teenager I used to wear very strong-scented perfumes which was understandable as I lived in Dubai where it was always very hot and you'd always end up smelling humid (literally). I slowly went off these smells as my obsession over perfumes increased. Just before moving back to the UK I remember picking a perfume I was in love with - Very Irresistible by Givenchy. It was the perfect scent, it suited me in the summer and the winter. It wasn't over-powering neither was it one to cause headaches. It was simply put, flawless. It was here where I realised that my skin suited sweet, fruity and at times particular floral smells. I did not however suit musk, wood, other florals - in fact, as soon as I would spray a bit on my wrist, I would not be able to smell it at all. It's a known fact that, in order to know whether a fragrance suits you, you should be able to smell it on yourself for a long period of time.
To me, scents are very important. And I find myself attracted to/making friends with people who have certain smells. This is obviously subconsciously done. There are certain tones that get my attention instantly when I either pass somebody or am meeting them - especially men. It's always the stronger, less muskier and more fresh and sea-like such as with Green Tangerine and Calabrian Bergamot.
Over time I began understanding the chemistry behind scents - and why some suited me and why others didn't. It was simple. It was down to my own body - my temperatures and hormones - what would smell strongly on me, would smell different and less strong on a friend's skin. Over the years my perfume selection grew - from getting samples to the tallest bottles available. There was however, a trend I saw beginning to form. I saw that there was a distinct division within what suited me very well - the sweet and fruity and the more distinctive and womanly (like Patchouli, Honey and certain notes of Jasmine).
There is definitely something about smells. They say in Psychology that if two people like the scent of the other persons skin (ie - the natural scent without any perfume/lotion/soap), then they are a good match for one another (well technically anyway). Something about the genes I believe (though I read this ages ago). It is why some people get confused or misled in terms of attraction when perfume is used, as the natural scent is mixed with a bunch of other chemicals. Scents therefore definitely play a role in attraction (although I wouldn't suggest you all go out and sniff people up in trains or whilst jogging. No, now that is stalking and creepy [refer to my Stalking Guide for that section]).
So here is a picture I thought I would attach to this post to show you all of my current collection of perfumes. Yes I need more perfume space!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"Your girl is lovely, Hubbell"
Over the past few months, I have written a lot about my feelings and thoughts towards romance and (dare I say it) 'love'. Yet I find myself constantly reviewing said thoughts, especially when I happen to watch, hear or see something that really touches me - like the end scene from 'The way we were'. It gets me every time without fail. Much like the end scene from 'My best friends wedding'. These heartbreaking (and sometimes funny) stories make me think that perhaps 'falling in love' and all those flowery concepts are not made for everyone. I'm not saying that I believe what I watch in movies or read in books, but I know that realistically, such things have happened (without the drama of movie scripts of course).
I have known circumstances where both individuals involved in a romantic relationship have failed to end up together despite their deep affections towards one another - due to other complications. Such people have always told me that they have never come across another person who they share the same type of deep connection with as they did with the one they had to leave. I've seen said people in other relationships and I've seen them marry others too, but they seem so different, almost like they can not bring back those feelings for another person at such an intense level as they once did with somebody else. I see how different these people are now - in how they love more than anything else. I can't describe the sadness and uncertainty I feel when I witness such things, as it almost makes me more sceptical than I already am.
I guess in everything that we do there's an element of risk attached to it. Although I am unsure as to how I feel about taking risks when it comes to two people connecting.
Here's a heartbreaking song I would otherwise not link.
I have known circumstances where both individuals involved in a romantic relationship have failed to end up together despite their deep affections towards one another - due to other complications. Such people have always told me that they have never come across another person who they share the same type of deep connection with as they did with the one they had to leave. I've seen said people in other relationships and I've seen them marry others too, but they seem so different, almost like they can not bring back those feelings for another person at such an intense level as they once did with somebody else. I see how different these people are now - in how they love more than anything else. I can't describe the sadness and uncertainty I feel when I witness such things, as it almost makes me more sceptical than I already am.
I guess in everything that we do there's an element of risk attached to it. Although I am unsure as to how I feel about taking risks when it comes to two people connecting.
Here's a heartbreaking song I would otherwise not link.
Monday, March 21, 2011
"It's been a long time coming but I know a change gonna come"
So I decided it was time to spruce things up a bit. Not that its awfully bright or anything, but I had to rearrange my blog, you know digitally feng shui it. Maybe I'll be inspired more this way, and some awesome editor will find my blog accidentally and ask me to write a book. Yes. I like the sound of this.
I stumbled upon a song by The Fray that I hadn't heard before (blasphemous I know), and I fell in love with it instantly. Here it is.
I strongly urge all my readers to dedicate, sing, mime or scream out the lyrics of this song to somebody they like a healthy amount (I will now use "like a healthy amount" instead of "love".. Just makes me rant less really.) There's not enough love (I will use it in this context though) on the planet, so get serenading people. We had to have learnt something from the hippie movement, apart from the funky hair-do's and the clashes of coloured clothing.
I stumbled upon a song by The Fray that I hadn't heard before (blasphemous I know), and I fell in love with it instantly. Here it is.
I strongly urge all my readers to dedicate, sing, mime or scream out the lyrics of this song to somebody they like a healthy amount (I will now use "like a healthy amount" instead of "love".. Just makes me rant less really.) There's not enough love (I will use it in this context though) on the planet, so get serenading people. We had to have learnt something from the hippie movement, apart from the funky hair-do's and the clashes of coloured clothing.
Monday, March 14, 2011
"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad"
The world is falling apart. Literally. There are constant disasters, protests and just general unrest and uneasiness across the globe. I decided to spread some joy, well at least for the course of this post to you, my audience. So I'm going to share with you, a list of ten various things (in no particular order) that usually do the trick in making me feel better, and definitely brightens up my day. Maybe it could help you too?
1. Switching off all media that allows me access to the world and it's miserable news, for anywhere between a few hours to a few days (unfortunately I am very addicted to various news websites - be it something geeky, political, health related or world news). In fact, one day a week I make it a point to switch off from all social/technological connections I may have, just to insure that my feet still touch the ground and my mind is still able to function in reality as opposed to virtually. You'll be surprised how wonderful this feels after you get the hang of it, and you realise how much more time you have on your hands instead of tweeting, facebooking, four-squaring, etc etc (Definitions which by the way have now been included in the dictionary. Awful!)
2. As the weather gets better (or even when it is gloomy) I try to explore a different place within the city as often as I can - be it a new cafe, sweet shop, market, area, anything and anywhere (for those of you who are employed and are not as useless as me, I'm pretty sure you can do this during your days off/weekends). I've done some exploring by myself and with others, but it never fails to make me feel excited and content, because you never know what you may stumble upon on your little adventure. I've come across some amazing old book shops which sell first editions of books that are worth unbelievable amounts, or sweet shops like those in the original Willy Wonka film. Even if you don't discover anything, it will just be a nice few hours away from the regular routine. And everyone needs to break their routine once in a while.
3. Watching this scene from the Wedding Singer always makes me smile. It's so cheesy! I love it. And of course this awesome song by Bill Bailey on one of his shows!
4. Discovering new music. Every time I find a new song, I am overwhelmed with excitement - as you all know from the last few ramblings! Sometimes a new song can just make your day better, or just motivate you to do something - like working out at the gym!
5. The gym! I have realised that I get very happy when I go to the gym. It's a place I can wear boxing gloves and beat my thoughts, frustrations, emotions, anger and sadness out whilst grunting like a man (and occasionally smelling like one too!)
6. Reading xkcd - Hilarious stuff.
7. Cleaning. Now when I say cleaning, I don't mean just hoovering or dusting the house, but instead just focusing on my things in my room. I find that about once every month I need to do a clear-out of things I know I have been holding on to forever, or just generally rearrange my cupboards/shelves. It gives me a sense of satisfaction and as I've said before - cleaning is a representation of rearranging your thoughts in your mind. So your room/space represents how your mind is, most of the time. It's a good way to just throw things way both mentally and physically. Plus it's always fun to clean and put on a good dvd or listen to some good music along with it. Never ever fails to make me feel better! And it takes a good few hours! Plus you come across some very funny things, which amuses you and makes you wonder what possessed you to keep (and laminate!) a 5 dirham note from Dubai (let's just say it involved a VERY (times infinity) good looking teacher!)
8. The sun - but obviously I don't have the power to make it appear everyday (that would be so awesome though. I would be the Sun-Woman). Although in cities like London that is gloomy pretty much all the time (where Winters seem never ending!) it is hard to wait for the sun in order to be happy. So, when the days are very grey and very bitterly cold, I make it a point to do something that makes me happy - like watch a very good movie (I usually choose something like - My best friends wedding, While you were sleeping, One fine day or the Anchorman) or read a good book. The rest just always seems to fall into place.
9. Having a lovely bath and unwinding with a trashy magazine (Okay I know this may be a little girlie for you more masculine (cough) readers, but don't pretend you don't want to do the same as well!)
10. Last but not least, chocolate. Anything made of chocolate makes me happy. It's like a comfort thing, but whenever I am upset or feeling a little down, there's nothing like a good hormonal pick-up as chocolate. Or coffee. Or both. I can't decide, there's too much pressure! It's like Joey (from Friends) says, "I want girls on bread!"
11. I know I said I'd give 10, but I'm sorry I had to include this - Watching Friends. I may have every single dialogue memorised, and every episode rehearsed, but I always seem to laugh out loud every time.
So minions, make a list of your own and cheer yourselves up and others around you.
1. Switching off all media that allows me access to the world and it's miserable news, for anywhere between a few hours to a few days (unfortunately I am very addicted to various news websites - be it something geeky, political, health related or world news). In fact, one day a week I make it a point to switch off from all social/technological connections I may have, just to insure that my feet still touch the ground and my mind is still able to function in reality as opposed to virtually. You'll be surprised how wonderful this feels after you get the hang of it, and you realise how much more time you have on your hands instead of tweeting, facebooking, four-squaring, etc etc (Definitions which by the way have now been included in the dictionary. Awful!)
2. As the weather gets better (or even when it is gloomy) I try to explore a different place within the city as often as I can - be it a new cafe, sweet shop, market, area, anything and anywhere (for those of you who are employed and are not as useless as me, I'm pretty sure you can do this during your days off/weekends). I've done some exploring by myself and with others, but it never fails to make me feel excited and content, because you never know what you may stumble upon on your little adventure. I've come across some amazing old book shops which sell first editions of books that are worth unbelievable amounts, or sweet shops like those in the original Willy Wonka film. Even if you don't discover anything, it will just be a nice few hours away from the regular routine. And everyone needs to break their routine once in a while.
3. Watching this scene from the Wedding Singer always makes me smile. It's so cheesy! I love it. And of course this awesome song by Bill Bailey on one of his shows!
4. Discovering new music. Every time I find a new song, I am overwhelmed with excitement - as you all know from the last few ramblings! Sometimes a new song can just make your day better, or just motivate you to do something - like working out at the gym!
5. The gym! I have realised that I get very happy when I go to the gym. It's a place I can wear boxing gloves and beat my thoughts, frustrations, emotions, anger and sadness out whilst grunting like a man (and occasionally smelling like one too!)
6. Reading xkcd - Hilarious stuff.
7. Cleaning. Now when I say cleaning, I don't mean just hoovering or dusting the house, but instead just focusing on my things in my room. I find that about once every month I need to do a clear-out of things I know I have been holding on to forever, or just generally rearrange my cupboards/shelves. It gives me a sense of satisfaction and as I've said before - cleaning is a representation of rearranging your thoughts in your mind. So your room/space represents how your mind is, most of the time. It's a good way to just throw things way both mentally and physically. Plus it's always fun to clean and put on a good dvd or listen to some good music along with it. Never ever fails to make me feel better! And it takes a good few hours! Plus you come across some very funny things, which amuses you and makes you wonder what possessed you to keep (and laminate!) a 5 dirham note from Dubai (let's just say it involved a VERY (times infinity) good looking teacher!)
8. The sun - but obviously I don't have the power to make it appear everyday (that would be so awesome though. I would be the Sun-Woman). Although in cities like London that is gloomy pretty much all the time (where Winters seem never ending!) it is hard to wait for the sun in order to be happy. So, when the days are very grey and very bitterly cold, I make it a point to do something that makes me happy - like watch a very good movie (I usually choose something like - My best friends wedding, While you were sleeping, One fine day or the Anchorman) or read a good book. The rest just always seems to fall into place.
9. Having a lovely bath and unwinding with a trashy magazine (Okay I know this may be a little girlie for you more masculine (cough) readers, but don't pretend you don't want to do the same as well!)
10. Last but not least, chocolate. Anything made of chocolate makes me happy. It's like a comfort thing, but whenever I am upset or feeling a little down, there's nothing like a good hormonal pick-up as chocolate. Or coffee. Or both. I can't decide, there's too much pressure! It's like Joey (from Friends) says, "I want girls on bread!"
11. I know I said I'd give 10, but I'm sorry I had to include this - Watching Friends. I may have every single dialogue memorised, and every episode rehearsed, but I always seem to laugh out loud every time.
So minions, make a list of your own and cheer yourselves up and others around you.
Friday, March 11, 2011
"Your words in my memory, are like music to me"
I was on a long journey home this morning, and had some time to catch up on some of my favourite music. (I love long journeys, I've realised. Although "long" can vary on my mood. It needs to be about an hour long, enough to get through about 10 - 15 songs depending on their length.) Somehow my iPod knew what kind of mood I was in and picked all the right songs. I fell into this daze, as I do effortlessly all the time, and I began thinking about a variety of things.
It all started with Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars." From the moment I heard this song, I was in love with the lyrics, the music, the voice, ESPECIALLY the voice and thereafter I fell in love with the band. This song always brings me back to one very vivid memory. I remember listening to this song with a very close friend of mine, whilst we were laying on the grass at our halls of residence during out first year of University. We weren't doing anything out of the ordinary as rolling down this grass patch was very common - with the added Rabbit faeces and mud getting stained on to our clothes - but there was something about the atmosphere that night, where everything was really silent and there was this amazing song just blasting into our ears. It was one of those nameless moments.
This was followed by Josh Groban's "Remember When it Rained" a song which, always takes me back to my IGCSE English classes in school (Dubai). This song reminds me of how I used to love studying everything to do with books in terms of Literature, and how I used to get so excited when we were set a creative-writing task of some sort. My English teacher was somebody whom I not only admired but had a very friendly relationship with. She wasn't like my Maths teacher who despised me because well, I was never very bright with the numbers and I would make excuses for England so as to miss the classes and I would make an effort to never complete my work (possibly why I failed miserably!). She was very funny and spoke to us like adults and not brainless things. She was somebody I believe inspired me to continue writing and fall in love with books more than I could have imagined.
Whilst my thoughts were in Dubai, it was only appropriate that the next song was Shania Twain's "From this Moment." My sister and I loved this song, and she used to a be a fan of Shania's music. This song actually reminds me of her wedding time in 2005. We were trying to find the right song for her to walk in to on the wedding day, and this obviously made the list. I started thinking about how the last couple of years spent in Dubai were definitely the more calmer, happier and humble years I've had. I loved the flat we had, it was small and simple but felt like home, literally.
I fell into a bit of a trance with the next song. It was Bon Iver's "Blood Bank" - I think this song represents a period of music change I went through during my final year at University. I was back in halls and living alone with a massive work load and music that wasn't exciting me enough. I remember hearing a song by Bon Iver on an episode of House, which made me cry - it was more the scene in the episode than the song itself, but I think the song did push it that bit more. It was right after this point that iTunes became my best friend, and I would stay up hours downloading music.
About halfway through my journey, the train stopped at Oxford Circus and this lady next to me asked me if she could get off at Tottenham Court Road to get to the British Museum. Distracted by the conversation and my iPod continuing to play to the next song (another Snow Patrol song, "Set the Fire to the Third Bar"), I decided to quickly go back to my thoughts. This song always manages to make me feel a whole array of emotions. I've heard this song when I was involved in different situations, so it almost created a visual reel in my mind that was fast forwarding through a variety of moments I hold close to me. There was this one particular face that kept appearing and for that reason only, I decided to repeat it once more.
By this point I was two songs away from reaching home, and the next was one that was particularly nostalgic - "Everything" by Lifehouse. I've loved music by Lifehouse since their first album in 2000 which had the very popular and swoon-worthy "Hanging by a Moment." The song that was playing though, reminded me of my first two years back in the UK, a phase that I had nicely tucked away in my subconscious where even Freud couldn't get to. I thought of the people I had met during that time, as I spent the majority of my time at college for my A-Levels. I spent this song thinking about my tutors in particular. It was during this time where I fell in love with Psychology because of my tutor. He was brilliant, and he knew how to motivate me. It was because of him I was awarded an A for my entire A-Level at the end. I then recalled my Media Studies tutor, who I believe was a hippy stuck in the 80's movie world and a closet hopeful Mafia don or the next Quentin Tarantino (We watched From Dusk Till Dawn, Scarface and Goodfellas excessively!) It dawned on me then that over the years, I became prone to accessing certain memories from certain phases more than others. I know the first two years in the UK were most definitely difficult, but it doesn't change the fact that I met some of my greatest mentors during this time.
About 3 stations away from my destination, I knew I had time for just one more song, and what better way to end my journey than with "For you now" by Bruno Merz. All I could think by that point was how this song resonated with me now more than ever (as I mentioned before, don't confuse him with Bruno Mars - very annoying!). And Before I knew it, I was on my way home humming to Kings of Leon's "Revelry" feeling warm, nostalgic and slightly desolate of the memories bought to life briefly on my journey home.
(A song)
It all started with Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars." From the moment I heard this song, I was in love with the lyrics, the music, the voice, ESPECIALLY the voice and thereafter I fell in love with the band. This song always brings me back to one very vivid memory. I remember listening to this song with a very close friend of mine, whilst we were laying on the grass at our halls of residence during out first year of University. We weren't doing anything out of the ordinary as rolling down this grass patch was very common - with the added Rabbit faeces and mud getting stained on to our clothes - but there was something about the atmosphere that night, where everything was really silent and there was this amazing song just blasting into our ears. It was one of those nameless moments.
This was followed by Josh Groban's "Remember When it Rained" a song which, always takes me back to my IGCSE English classes in school (Dubai). This song reminds me of how I used to love studying everything to do with books in terms of Literature, and how I used to get so excited when we were set a creative-writing task of some sort. My English teacher was somebody whom I not only admired but had a very friendly relationship with. She wasn't like my Maths teacher who despised me because well, I was never very bright with the numbers and I would make excuses for England so as to miss the classes and I would make an effort to never complete my work (possibly why I failed miserably!). She was very funny and spoke to us like adults and not brainless things. She was somebody I believe inspired me to continue writing and fall in love with books more than I could have imagined.
Whilst my thoughts were in Dubai, it was only appropriate that the next song was Shania Twain's "From this Moment." My sister and I loved this song, and she used to a be a fan of Shania's music. This song actually reminds me of her wedding time in 2005. We were trying to find the right song for her to walk in to on the wedding day, and this obviously made the list. I started thinking about how the last couple of years spent in Dubai were definitely the more calmer, happier and humble years I've had. I loved the flat we had, it was small and simple but felt like home, literally.
I fell into a bit of a trance with the next song. It was Bon Iver's "Blood Bank" - I think this song represents a period of music change I went through during my final year at University. I was back in halls and living alone with a massive work load and music that wasn't exciting me enough. I remember hearing a song by Bon Iver on an episode of House, which made me cry - it was more the scene in the episode than the song itself, but I think the song did push it that bit more. It was right after this point that iTunes became my best friend, and I would stay up hours downloading music.
About halfway through my journey, the train stopped at Oxford Circus and this lady next to me asked me if she could get off at Tottenham Court Road to get to the British Museum. Distracted by the conversation and my iPod continuing to play to the next song (another Snow Patrol song, "Set the Fire to the Third Bar"), I decided to quickly go back to my thoughts. This song always manages to make me feel a whole array of emotions. I've heard this song when I was involved in different situations, so it almost created a visual reel in my mind that was fast forwarding through a variety of moments I hold close to me. There was this one particular face that kept appearing and for that reason only, I decided to repeat it once more.
By this point I was two songs away from reaching home, and the next was one that was particularly nostalgic - "Everything" by Lifehouse. I've loved music by Lifehouse since their first album in 2000 which had the very popular and swoon-worthy "Hanging by a Moment." The song that was playing though, reminded me of my first two years back in the UK, a phase that I had nicely tucked away in my subconscious where even Freud couldn't get to. I thought of the people I had met during that time, as I spent the majority of my time at college for my A-Levels. I spent this song thinking about my tutors in particular. It was during this time where I fell in love with Psychology because of my tutor. He was brilliant, and he knew how to motivate me. It was because of him I was awarded an A for my entire A-Level at the end. I then recalled my Media Studies tutor, who I believe was a hippy stuck in the 80's movie world and a closet hopeful Mafia don or the next Quentin Tarantino (We watched From Dusk Till Dawn, Scarface and Goodfellas excessively!) It dawned on me then that over the years, I became prone to accessing certain memories from certain phases more than others. I know the first two years in the UK were most definitely difficult, but it doesn't change the fact that I met some of my greatest mentors during this time.
About 3 stations away from my destination, I knew I had time for just one more song, and what better way to end my journey than with "For you now" by Bruno Merz. All I could think by that point was how this song resonated with me now more than ever (as I mentioned before, don't confuse him with Bruno Mars - very annoying!). And Before I knew it, I was on my way home humming to Kings of Leon's "Revelry" feeling warm, nostalgic and slightly desolate of the memories bought to life briefly on my journey home.
(A song)
Monday, March 07, 2011
Suspicious Minds
I was chosen as a Book Giver for the newly launched World Book Night. I was asked to choose my favourite book out of 25 brilliant titles, and it was pretty hard. As most of you know I am a bit of a book worm and have been for many years. A good book is something I crave for, and when I find one (which is often), I feel like immersing myself into the world of fiction more than the time before. Each book creates its own place in my mind, and like that I fell in love with "One Day" by David Nicholls. It was a book I could relate to in some way, not entirely of course, but there were bits of the book that resonated with me. In fact, I have actually never felt the way I do about any book as I did with this. I loved the idea, I loved the story and I most definitely loved the characters. This is how I made my choice when it came to the World Book Night.
Once I was given the volunteer position to distribute this book for the World Book Night (5th March), I was very excited. I was allowed to share my love of books, and more importantly my love for this particular one with whomever I wished to. The point of this event was to spread the joy of reading by giving out one million books (25 titles were chosen) to the public. It was also to try and get a book as far across the globe as possible by passing the books on, once read. I decided to give out books at Euston Station and it took about an hour and a half to completely distribute 48 books. During this time I found that the British public in general are very suspicious people. Even though I had made a poster and wrote in bold that the books were free, they somehow did not believe me. Each person would look at me as though I was selling them a bad idea, or conning them into a Nigerian scam. And I had an ID badge to make things more legit.
About 60% of the public didn't believe it was for free, and when they did come up to find out what I was doing, they would take the book and say "what do I have to do to have this book? Where shall I sign/pay?" and I would have to reiterate that it was FREE. However, the rest of the public approached at the sound of that word and would take the book without asking questions. There were some very interested and some very lovely and happy people as well. I met other Book Givers and it was all very thrilling! I have to say I loved it - with the grumpiness of the people included.
It is very hard to gain trust from the British public, I have to say. They think everything is a conspiracy and everyone is out to get them. They seem to be in a constant rush in chasing someone or something.
Let's all slow down for a while and listen to some good music.
Once I was given the volunteer position to distribute this book for the World Book Night (5th March), I was very excited. I was allowed to share my love of books, and more importantly my love for this particular one with whomever I wished to. The point of this event was to spread the joy of reading by giving out one million books (25 titles were chosen) to the public. It was also to try and get a book as far across the globe as possible by passing the books on, once read. I decided to give out books at Euston Station and it took about an hour and a half to completely distribute 48 books. During this time I found that the British public in general are very suspicious people. Even though I had made a poster and wrote in bold that the books were free, they somehow did not believe me. Each person would look at me as though I was selling them a bad idea, or conning them into a Nigerian scam. And I had an ID badge to make things more legit.
About 60% of the public didn't believe it was for free, and when they did come up to find out what I was doing, they would take the book and say "what do I have to do to have this book? Where shall I sign/pay?" and I would have to reiterate that it was FREE. However, the rest of the public approached at the sound of that word and would take the book without asking questions. There were some very interested and some very lovely and happy people as well. I met other Book Givers and it was all very thrilling! I have to say I loved it - with the grumpiness of the people included.
It is very hard to gain trust from the British public, I have to say. They think everything is a conspiracy and everyone is out to get them. They seem to be in a constant rush in chasing someone or something.
Let's all slow down for a while and listen to some good music.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Things that gross me out
Over the months that I have been at home, I've started to realise and analyse the smaller things about myself - such as, how different things have started to gross me out to an almost nauseous state. So here's a list of stomach-churning, awful smelling, disgusting looking and just down right repulsive things.
1. Rats/mice - Any creature that is that fast, small and wriggles into the most strangest, grimiest of places should not be kept as pets. They make me cringe, nay, scream! One of my greatest phobias.
2. The smell of urine in subways, phone boxes and side-streets.
3. The smell of unwashed clothes - and unwashed people (including the smell of sweat, smelly feet (gross!) awful body odour - especially Asians at the gym who smell like pickle and onions - Eew!).
4. East London - the buses, the people, the accent, the language, the slang, the grim feeling, everything about it makes me feel sick.
5. Unwashed feet and socks. I know I mentioned it earlier, but it makes me feel THAT sick, it needed to be mentioned twice.
6. The smell of raw meat.
7. The smell of raw egg and the taste of the yolk (so glad that I can't eat the yolk in my diet!)
8. Public toilets - for those of you who do know me well, will know that I will NEVER use public bathrooms. Ever. The only places I will consider is at restaurants/hotels/shopping malls where I have been to before, or on recommendation of another who has used the facilities. I mean, if I can go without using the bathroom for five days in India.. I'm pretty sure I can survive a few hours!
9. Spots/acne/zits/pimples - especially on the face. Especially when they're massive and protrude out of your face assuming a whole identity due to its size.
10. Hair that falls on the carpet, in the shower drain, in the toilet, in the sink or on my hair brush. I understand that women have long hair, and that it falls out, of course I do. But I could retch if I had to pick it up, especially when I don't know whose it is.
11. Blood - I have never ever had haemophobia as a child or a teenager. In fact, I used to love taking blood tests and would never mind bandaging up a wound. It's been a recent realisation, when I saw a man bleed endlessly from his nose. And now, I find myself feeling queasy every time I see blood.
12. Bad breath. This actually needs to be WAY higher up in the list. It's one of the greatest, most nasty and repulsive things to be sat across or next to somebody who has bad breath, that as well if they're in conversation with you.
13. Lizards. They're just too creepy and crawly.
14. Cockroaches/flying cockroaches - thankfully you don't get them here, but when we lived in the Middle-East they were everywhere. The worst ones were the giant flying ones. Shudder!
15. The eggy taste in a slice of bread. It can ruin my entire morning.
1. Rats/mice - Any creature that is that fast, small and wriggles into the most strangest, grimiest of places should not be kept as pets. They make me cringe, nay, scream! One of my greatest phobias.
2. The smell of urine in subways, phone boxes and side-streets.
3. The smell of unwashed clothes - and unwashed people (including the smell of sweat, smelly feet (gross!) awful body odour - especially Asians at the gym who smell like pickle and onions - Eew!).
4. East London - the buses, the people, the accent, the language, the slang, the grim feeling, everything about it makes me feel sick.
5. Unwashed feet and socks. I know I mentioned it earlier, but it makes me feel THAT sick, it needed to be mentioned twice.
6. The smell of raw meat.
7. The smell of raw egg and the taste of the yolk (so glad that I can't eat the yolk in my diet!)
8. Public toilets - for those of you who do know me well, will know that I will NEVER use public bathrooms. Ever. The only places I will consider is at restaurants/hotels/shopping malls where I have been to before, or on recommendation of another who has used the facilities. I mean, if I can go without using the bathroom for five days in India.. I'm pretty sure I can survive a few hours!
9. Spots/acne/zits/pimples - especially on the face. Especially when they're massive and protrude out of your face assuming a whole identity due to its size.
10. Hair that falls on the carpet, in the shower drain, in the toilet, in the sink or on my hair brush. I understand that women have long hair, and that it falls out, of course I do. But I could retch if I had to pick it up, especially when I don't know whose it is.
11. Blood - I have never ever had haemophobia as a child or a teenager. In fact, I used to love taking blood tests and would never mind bandaging up a wound. It's been a recent realisation, when I saw a man bleed endlessly from his nose. And now, I find myself feeling queasy every time I see blood.
12. Bad breath. This actually needs to be WAY higher up in the list. It's one of the greatest, most nasty and repulsive things to be sat across or next to somebody who has bad breath, that as well if they're in conversation with you.
13. Lizards. They're just too creepy and crawly.
14. Cockroaches/flying cockroaches - thankfully you don't get them here, but when we lived in the Middle-East they were everywhere. The worst ones were the giant flying ones. Shudder!
15. The eggy taste in a slice of bread. It can ruin my entire morning.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
You can trust me
Trust, الثقة, Confiance, Vertrauen, 信頼 - In most languages translates to "confidence" or is a synonym for "trust."
Through the course of all the various relationships I have had (I use the term "relationship" to describe every type of connection I have had with another individual - through family, friends, admiration and affection) trust has been something that I have always lacked, I have found. I lacked the confidence in my trusting abilities, and it was apparent for years.
It obviously went downhill after dad passed on. I lost the ability to trust in people in general, and I know that is normal. You go through all these crazy emotions and try to understand what happened, try to put things into perspective and end up losing faith along with everything else. After this point, when I did find myself getting close or attached to somebody, I somehow sabotaged it in my own head before it sabotaged in reality. It was like "well they're going to leave me anyway so why bother protecting it?" It sounds very damaging, and it was. I lost my confidence in trusting people - would probably be a spot on definition.
As the years passed, I found myself involved in deeper and more meaningful relationships - ones that I actually wanted to save and protect from myself - if that makes any sense. I decided to fix my issues with trusting people and giving my all in any type of relationship I was in. It became easier trusting those I was close to. There were people in my life that I used to hang out with often who didn't really know me. I would make my mark in the "group" as the funny one, the one to go to for information on various topics or the one that always have perfume and deodorant (which I still am!). Beyond that, nobody would realise what was behind these qualities. This was down to me building up a wall around me, fearing that if I shared parts of myself to those I could not trust enough, I would not be able to be a whole person. Trusting and sharing things with another person was essentially like taking pieces of me and distributing them - at least that is how I saw it.
The people I did trust, I used to get attached to. I would divulge all my thoughts, memories (not all - you all know my theory on memories) and various other things that defined me. It was the other extreme of how I was with those I was not close to. I could never find a good and healthy middle ground sadly. It was always one or the other. And what made it harder was that I only behaved that way to very very very few (I mean about 2 people). It was again, a very damaging way to go about things I know.. But it was the only way I knew how to trust anyone. It was worse because when these relationships came to an end either abruptly or due to difficulties, my abilities to trust demolished with them. It was a cycle I found myself in very often. It was simple, I could not trust. If I did, I wanted it to stay bubbled forever without hurting me.
It was only over the last couple of years where I have really come out of my shell or trusting people and understanding what is a good place to be when it comes to all my relationships. I know how much to give of myself and I know how much to save. I have lost some very close bonds I made with some over the last few years and it wasn't as catastrophic as I once remember. In fact, I remember thinking that time had come to end, put aside and just generally make my peace with the relationship that I was once a part of.
Alas, here I divulge another part of me with no worry. And of course, a song.
Through the course of all the various relationships I have had (I use the term "relationship" to describe every type of connection I have had with another individual - through family, friends, admiration and affection) trust has been something that I have always lacked, I have found. I lacked the confidence in my trusting abilities, and it was apparent for years.
It obviously went downhill after dad passed on. I lost the ability to trust in people in general, and I know that is normal. You go through all these crazy emotions and try to understand what happened, try to put things into perspective and end up losing faith along with everything else. After this point, when I did find myself getting close or attached to somebody, I somehow sabotaged it in my own head before it sabotaged in reality. It was like "well they're going to leave me anyway so why bother protecting it?" It sounds very damaging, and it was. I lost my confidence in trusting people - would probably be a spot on definition.
As the years passed, I found myself involved in deeper and more meaningful relationships - ones that I actually wanted to save and protect from myself - if that makes any sense. I decided to fix my issues with trusting people and giving my all in any type of relationship I was in. It became easier trusting those I was close to. There were people in my life that I used to hang out with often who didn't really know me. I would make my mark in the "group" as the funny one, the one to go to for information on various topics or the one that always have perfume and deodorant (which I still am!). Beyond that, nobody would realise what was behind these qualities. This was down to me building up a wall around me, fearing that if I shared parts of myself to those I could not trust enough, I would not be able to be a whole person. Trusting and sharing things with another person was essentially like taking pieces of me and distributing them - at least that is how I saw it.
The people I did trust, I used to get attached to. I would divulge all my thoughts, memories (not all - you all know my theory on memories) and various other things that defined me. It was the other extreme of how I was with those I was not close to. I could never find a good and healthy middle ground sadly. It was always one or the other. And what made it harder was that I only behaved that way to very very very few (I mean about 2 people). It was again, a very damaging way to go about things I know.. But it was the only way I knew how to trust anyone. It was worse because when these relationships came to an end either abruptly or due to difficulties, my abilities to trust demolished with them. It was a cycle I found myself in very often. It was simple, I could not trust. If I did, I wanted it to stay bubbled forever without hurting me.
It was only over the last couple of years where I have really come out of my shell or trusting people and understanding what is a good place to be when it comes to all my relationships. I know how much to give of myself and I know how much to save. I have lost some very close bonds I made with some over the last few years and it wasn't as catastrophic as I once remember. In fact, I remember thinking that time had come to end, put aside and just generally make my peace with the relationship that I was once a part of.
Alas, here I divulge another part of me with no worry. And of course, a song.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
B-r-o-k-e-n
How many times have I used that word? I've lost count. I think if there was a system where you could record the most commonly used word in the world, it would definitely be "broken." I think with recent unsettled political events, changing and damaging weather, awful recession and just general unrest, people seem to be feeling broken and uncertain about their future.
There is so much negativity everywhere, and it's just so unsettling. I wish things would start working out, but somehow they seem to be stagnated. Another word I have been using a lot. Be it subconsciously or purposely, I tend to fit in very negative words in terms of speaking at times. They say that in order to get to something you really want you have to focus all your positivity and confidence on it. I think that is a load of crap at the moment. I think it's down to your luck. If you have good luck, then you can get anything.
Broken is such a strong word. You can be broken hearted, you can be physically broken, you can be mentally or emotionally broken. It's just a very fitting word I think, for many to describe their circumstance, so much so, that Takotsubo Cardiomypathy is also known as the Broken-Hearted Syndrome in the medical world. Because emotional stress can cause dysfunctions in the heart to an almost failing point. Isn't that so strange? You always hear of people getting heart conditions due to bad diet and external and internal stresses usually to do with finances, accommodation or businesses. But you never hear of people suffering from conditions due to physically being broken hearted from the emotional repercussions of losing a loved one, breaking up with somebody or just being very very hurt or sad.
As days go by, there are things I realise about the world that I am starting to dislike. The list gets longer day by day, and I think I need a thought-makeover to redeem everything before I become a sceptical cynic.
Here's a song. A fitting song.
There is so much negativity everywhere, and it's just so unsettling. I wish things would start working out, but somehow they seem to be stagnated. Another word I have been using a lot. Be it subconsciously or purposely, I tend to fit in very negative words in terms of speaking at times. They say that in order to get to something you really want you have to focus all your positivity and confidence on it. I think that is a load of crap at the moment. I think it's down to your luck. If you have good luck, then you can get anything.
Broken is such a strong word. You can be broken hearted, you can be physically broken, you can be mentally or emotionally broken. It's just a very fitting word I think, for many to describe their circumstance, so much so, that Takotsubo Cardiomypathy is also known as the Broken-Hearted Syndrome in the medical world. Because emotional stress can cause dysfunctions in the heart to an almost failing point. Isn't that so strange? You always hear of people getting heart conditions due to bad diet and external and internal stresses usually to do with finances, accommodation or businesses. But you never hear of people suffering from conditions due to physically being broken hearted from the emotional repercussions of losing a loved one, breaking up with somebody or just being very very hurt or sad.
As days go by, there are things I realise about the world that I am starting to dislike. The list gets longer day by day, and I think I need a thought-makeover to redeem everything before I become a sceptical cynic.
Here's a song. A fitting song.
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