We should all have a totem.
I need to find mine. Have any of you found yours?
(For those non-geeks out there - Totem = The object used to check one's reality. Yes, from Inception).
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
It's only words
I've been writing for the better part of my existence (rather, since I finally learnt how to write properly, using good vocabulary (let's just say that, I didn't discover words till MUCH later.)) I have had this blog now for the last 6ish years and before that I had another blog - so I guess its right to say that words mean a lot to me.
I have used words in all types of descriptive ways. I've used them when I was angry, heartbroken, happy, in hate, in love, excited, confused, nervous.. You name it and I've used words for it. And for the most part I think I'm pretty good with communicating my thoughts and feelings through words. I often end up talking for ages, about lord knows what. It's only when I recently revisited some of my older posts and realised that I used to talk such crap. I mean, wow. I was such an idiot. Good riddance to bad vocabulary, grammar and general annoyances (I bet I'll be saying the same to this post a few years later).
There is one thing I have found though. Words are hard to find, well the right words are hard to find when you're saying goodbye. I use a lot of humour to cover up a lot of things, like a lot of people do. I may crack a joke in a "depressing" setting, because of an underlying unpleasant emotion I can't otherwise let out. There are also other times where words have failed me - when I miss somebody, or when I have to convey affectionate and loving feelings towards somebody. I find it hard and slightly uncomfortable to talk about certain things. Sometimes my actions mean a lot more than my words.
I find words to be incredibly cathartic. You're always waiting to hear something from someone, whether it's a "Yes, you've got the job" or "you've lost weight". It puts things into perspective. Words can make you feel like jumping off a cliff, if they come from a nasty place, they can make you feel like you're the most beautiful thing that ever walked the earth and sometimes can give you a reason to get through another day. I think people need to use words more. Be creative. There's a plethora of phrases, sentences, speeches and languages you have at your disposal to say something, anything to another person. Or yourself.
A lot of times I think, words can be dangerous. Especially when you can't find the right ones, and say something out of context. A lot of misunderstandings in relationships for instance, begin with general misinterpretations of words said or not said. I think it's an art. If you are one of those people who always know what to say and when to say them, you're good. Nay, great. And as I say that, a certain individual comes to mind. You know who you are.
If words weren't so powerful, politicians wouldn't win us over (No, David Cameron, not you), we wouldn't swoon over romantic comedies, read endless books, listen to music, and have Literature as a subject.
So people who read my blog (I'm trying to think of new words to describe my international fan-base. Yes, I've reached Russia, Brazil and Italy!) use a new word today (such a "Cher" comment from Clueless).
Alas, here it is. One of the best ways to express thoughts, opinions, feelings and emotions through words. A song.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I hope you don't haunt me in these dreams ever again
"Do you ever think of me, the way I think of you?" (Cheese alert!)
Those thoughts often linger in my mind after I wake up from a weird dream. I often dream about people who have meant something to me at some point. I wake up feeling comfortably numb in the remains of the scenes from an unexpected dream on some days, wondering if that person also thinks of me the way I think of them. No, I don't mean in a fairytale or wonderfully romantic way, I guess I just wonder if I ever cross certain peoples thoughts during their day.
Sometimes dreams are so real that it physically hurts you as you leave that world and enter reality. I have my suspicions that dreams are created to torture people. Why else would you meet people there and have these, indescribable moments with them for about 15-45 minutes - depending on which dream stage you are on - every few days? We are masochists. Plus, half of the dreams we have are manifestations of our deep, troubled, and sometimes extremely screwed up subconscious. What a fascinating web it must be.
The thing about dreams is that, after waking up, I often fall into this funk/lull where all I do is play the dream over and over again in my head, and fall into a trance, almost - wishing that at some point it may turn into something true. Yes, I know, I sound like a badly written song by an annoying 15 year old (yes I mean Justin *censored* Bieber), but sadly c'est vrai!
I guess you could think of dreams as those little scenarios you thought of at some point. Or not. As I said before, and I reiterate again, I'm not an escapist. I used to be though. I used to think I was living in two worlds, and hardly ever had my feet on the ground, and seemed like I would float away effortlessly. I do have more fun on Earth I have to say. :)
This post is dedicated to those who recur in my dreams and haunt me far too much. Go away. Find another empty mind. Honestly.
(Having said that.. Don't be afraid to pop by once in a while. I like dreaming about you.)
Those thoughts often linger in my mind after I wake up from a weird dream. I often dream about people who have meant something to me at some point. I wake up feeling comfortably numb in the remains of the scenes from an unexpected dream on some days, wondering if that person also thinks of me the way I think of them. No, I don't mean in a fairytale or wonderfully romantic way, I guess I just wonder if I ever cross certain peoples thoughts during their day.
Sometimes dreams are so real that it physically hurts you as you leave that world and enter reality. I have my suspicions that dreams are created to torture people. Why else would you meet people there and have these, indescribable moments with them for about 15-45 minutes - depending on which dream stage you are on - every few days? We are masochists. Plus, half of the dreams we have are manifestations of our deep, troubled, and sometimes extremely screwed up subconscious. What a fascinating web it must be.
The thing about dreams is that, after waking up, I often fall into this funk/lull where all I do is play the dream over and over again in my head, and fall into a trance, almost - wishing that at some point it may turn into something true. Yes, I know, I sound like a badly written song by an annoying 15 year old (yes I mean Justin *censored* Bieber), but sadly c'est vrai!
I guess you could think of dreams as those little scenarios you thought of at some point. Or not. As I said before, and I reiterate again, I'm not an escapist. I used to be though. I used to think I was living in two worlds, and hardly ever had my feet on the ground, and seemed like I would float away effortlessly. I do have more fun on Earth I have to say. :)
This post is dedicated to those who recur in my dreams and haunt me far too much. Go away. Find another empty mind. Honestly.
(Having said that.. Don't be afraid to pop by once in a while. I like dreaming about you.)
Friday, January 14, 2011
Tea and Biscuits
"Il Dolce Far Niente" - the Italians say that there is a particular sweetness in doing nothing. I have to agree, whole heartedly. There is something so charming about the Mediterranean culture. They're all about the food - enjoying absolutely fresh produce like seafood, olives, cheeses and the list goes on - and being laid back, like taking a siesta.
Over the last few years, I have taken an interest in and have been introduced to the Mediterranean way of living. What I was most amused by was how they are in no hurry to get to places (unlike here), or to stress themselves out over petty matters that would usually send someone into a frenzy - they live by simplicity, which I think lacks in a lot of lives these days.
Let me explain further. There used to be a time in the day where I'd sit to have tea. It was something of a treat everyday, or at least a few times a week. Not being quite a tea-drinker myself (as you can tell from the coffee post), it was more about the whole biscuit experience - you know, dunking your biscuits into your tea.
For many in my family, tea time is an event. I kid you not. There are cakes, doughnuts, savoury snacks of all types (with nuts, potato sticks, puffed rice, etc.), croissants, toast with various spreads and really anything that you can have with tea. Biscuits with tea is something I've grown up with - you know, good old Rich Tea Biscuits, dunked in tea, until they become all soggy and bend to an almost fall before you eat it - is one of the most yummiest sensations ever. This soggy, wet, soft, mushy and warm mix is just so comforting. And its only certain biscuits you can have that with. It's the similar feeling you get with milk and cookies - after obviously dunking them for a while until they become all soft too!
However, since starting the gym, and going into University and all sorts of other things, I realised that I rarely sit down to enjoy a nice little treat with myself, in the quietness of my company or in the middle of the day when the whole country is at it's peak of busy-ness. I spend most of my afternoons in the gym, leaving me an evening to my laptop (where I spend hours applying for jobs, etc.) and then by late night, I'm spent. Although I do this in the comfort of my own room, it's really not in the "quietness of my company".. I hope that soon, I find time to indulge in the sweetness of nothing. Whatever that may be.
I miss that quiet and comforting treat.
And as per usual, a song to end a perfectly comforting read.
Over the last few years, I have taken an interest in and have been introduced to the Mediterranean way of living. What I was most amused by was how they are in no hurry to get to places (unlike here), or to stress themselves out over petty matters that would usually send someone into a frenzy - they live by simplicity, which I think lacks in a lot of lives these days.
Let me explain further. There used to be a time in the day where I'd sit to have tea. It was something of a treat everyday, or at least a few times a week. Not being quite a tea-drinker myself (as you can tell from the coffee post), it was more about the whole biscuit experience - you know, dunking your biscuits into your tea.
For many in my family, tea time is an event. I kid you not. There are cakes, doughnuts, savoury snacks of all types (with nuts, potato sticks, puffed rice, etc.), croissants, toast with various spreads and really anything that you can have with tea. Biscuits with tea is something I've grown up with - you know, good old Rich Tea Biscuits, dunked in tea, until they become all soggy and bend to an almost fall before you eat it - is one of the most yummiest sensations ever. This soggy, wet, soft, mushy and warm mix is just so comforting. And its only certain biscuits you can have that with. It's the similar feeling you get with milk and cookies - after obviously dunking them for a while until they become all soft too!
However, since starting the gym, and going into University and all sorts of other things, I realised that I rarely sit down to enjoy a nice little treat with myself, in the quietness of my company or in the middle of the day when the whole country is at it's peak of busy-ness. I spend most of my afternoons in the gym, leaving me an evening to my laptop (where I spend hours applying for jobs, etc.) and then by late night, I'm spent. Although I do this in the comfort of my own room, it's really not in the "quietness of my company".. I hope that soon, I find time to indulge in the sweetness of nothing. Whatever that may be.
I miss that quiet and comforting treat.
And as per usual, a song to end a perfectly comforting read.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Pages of a book
We've all read books at some point or another - no, not educational ones, but stories, and the like. I'm the type of person who has shelves falling over with books. It brings a strange comfort, knowing that there are all these stories there, some fantastic ones, some really tragic ones, and others that seem like have written your story.
Each book I have read, I have formed an attachment with. The characters are like people I have known or currently know, bringing a realistic feel to the story. However, not all books are as deep and capturing as others. Some are just too long, too descriptive and have no soul to them.
I have been on a book reading buzz lately. Having a lot of spare time, I decided to work my way through some of the unread books I have on my shelves. I started reading one the other night, and finished it within two nights of staying awake till 4 am. Although staying awake late comes naturally to me, having a companion in the form of a book, makes the sleeplessness worth it.
Upon finishing my previous book, I remember waking up and feeling so different. It's something I have often felt after reading a really good book. It almost put me in a daze, and a sort of sadness that it came to an end. You know you're reading a great book when you dread turning to the final chapter, and I completely dreaded it.
In fact, a book I bought last summer from one of the "Best-seller" lists at Waterstones saw me do something I've never done before. I actually didn't read the last chapter at all. The whole book was far too amazing to finish, or to have an end to - especially when the ending wasn't what I wanted to read and accept. Okay, some of you may think I'm neurotic and pretty sad, but hey, reading books is like drifting off into another world - not to be mistaken with "escaping reality". As long as you know where to land your feet after you close the book, it's all okay.
There have been some stories that I have read, which have made me feel like "Wow, this person is actually writing exactly what I have been through/am going through/have witnessed through someone else" - it's a strange feeling when you read things like that, because it makes you feel a little less "abnormal" for feeling/doing those things you did then - and puts things into perspective. Although having said that, I don't need a book or a movie to tell me things I don't already know - before anyone comments on that.
So bloggies, pick up a good book and start turning those lovely pages filled with funny, tragic, serious, chilling, frightening, romantic and at times abysmal words.
And of course, the obligatory song for the post today is - drum roll please! - Mine Again by Black Lab
Each book I have read, I have formed an attachment with. The characters are like people I have known or currently know, bringing a realistic feel to the story. However, not all books are as deep and capturing as others. Some are just too long, too descriptive and have no soul to them.
I have been on a book reading buzz lately. Having a lot of spare time, I decided to work my way through some of the unread books I have on my shelves. I started reading one the other night, and finished it within two nights of staying awake till 4 am. Although staying awake late comes naturally to me, having a companion in the form of a book, makes the sleeplessness worth it.
Upon finishing my previous book, I remember waking up and feeling so different. It's something I have often felt after reading a really good book. It almost put me in a daze, and a sort of sadness that it came to an end. You know you're reading a great book when you dread turning to the final chapter, and I completely dreaded it.
In fact, a book I bought last summer from one of the "Best-seller" lists at Waterstones saw me do something I've never done before. I actually didn't read the last chapter at all. The whole book was far too amazing to finish, or to have an end to - especially when the ending wasn't what I wanted to read and accept. Okay, some of you may think I'm neurotic and pretty sad, but hey, reading books is like drifting off into another world - not to be mistaken with "escaping reality". As long as you know where to land your feet after you close the book, it's all okay.
There have been some stories that I have read, which have made me feel like "Wow, this person is actually writing exactly what I have been through/am going through/have witnessed through someone else" - it's a strange feeling when you read things like that, because it makes you feel a little less "abnormal" for feeling/doing those things you did then - and puts things into perspective. Although having said that, I don't need a book or a movie to tell me things I don't already know - before anyone comments on that.
So bloggies, pick up a good book and start turning those lovely pages filled with funny, tragic, serious, chilling, frightening, romantic and at times abysmal words.
And of course, the obligatory song for the post today is - drum roll please! - Mine Again by Black Lab
Friday, January 07, 2011
For You Now
.. Because sometimes all you need is a good soundtrack to your day.
(Not to be confused with the annoying "Bruno Mars")
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Coffee
There are certain smells that always take me back to a certain time, place and person. This morning, I decided to make coffee, after almost 2 months of going cold turkey. The smell of fresh coffee filtering through the machine made me feel so nostalgic. It's not just the strong smell of the rich, bitter, strong and almost wood-like aromatic coffee that brings back "coffee memories", but the sounds as well.
Maybe it's just me, but I like to take in everything about my surroundings. It makes moments like making coffee - pleasant, and that's due to the "attachments" I have to it.
As most of you know, I had a crazy addiction to coffee - drinking it before I slept, and having it as soon as I woke up, with about 6 other cups in the day. Weaning off it was probably one of the most hardest things I've ever done. I used to taste it even when I wasn't drinking it!
I think coffee to me, was not one of those drinks that just gave me a caffeine buzz at the start of my day (the caffeine "buzz" used to last all of 3 minutes, and would not affect me thereafter), but it was something that was part of a relationship with many people I've met. It was always "let's meet for coffee?" Bonding over coffee is amazing; you never know where the conversation can trail off to, and by the time you've realised, three hours have gone by, you've talked, laughed and possibly had another cup of coffee, by which point you want to pee badly.
I think you start recognising those who are close to you when they begin to make your coffee for you, and get it perfect every time, or vice versa. So, fellow blog readers - make sure you marry/date those who know how you take your coffee - otherwise, they're useless.
When I talk about coffee, I don't mean those fancy things they have nowadays - you know, caramel macchiato, clover infused coffee, coffee with vanilla, coffee with this, that - tiramisu, gingerbread, peppermint! The list goes on - I mean, simple, dark roasted coffee - filtered, black or with little milk, no sugar - from anywhere in the world. I'm not a coffee snob or anything, I can have coffee anywhere, as long as it's good. A small biscotti on the side never hurts, and just company of some very good friends. That's what coffee is. None of that "decaf" crap, or added syrup or fancy name for coffee + milk. Coffee, my fellow readers, is an experience. And each experience is different.
Take time to enjoy your coffee today!
Maybe it's just me, but I like to take in everything about my surroundings. It makes moments like making coffee - pleasant, and that's due to the "attachments" I have to it.
As most of you know, I had a crazy addiction to coffee - drinking it before I slept, and having it as soon as I woke up, with about 6 other cups in the day. Weaning off it was probably one of the most hardest things I've ever done. I used to taste it even when I wasn't drinking it!
I think coffee to me, was not one of those drinks that just gave me a caffeine buzz at the start of my day (the caffeine "buzz" used to last all of 3 minutes, and would not affect me thereafter), but it was something that was part of a relationship with many people I've met. It was always "let's meet for coffee?" Bonding over coffee is amazing; you never know where the conversation can trail off to, and by the time you've realised, three hours have gone by, you've talked, laughed and possibly had another cup of coffee, by which point you want to pee badly.
I think you start recognising those who are close to you when they begin to make your coffee for you, and get it perfect every time, or vice versa. So, fellow blog readers - make sure you marry/date those who know how you take your coffee - otherwise, they're useless.
When I talk about coffee, I don't mean those fancy things they have nowadays - you know, caramel macchiato, clover infused coffee, coffee with vanilla, coffee with this, that - tiramisu, gingerbread, peppermint! The list goes on - I mean, simple, dark roasted coffee - filtered, black or with little milk, no sugar - from anywhere in the world. I'm not a coffee snob or anything, I can have coffee anywhere, as long as it's good. A small biscotti on the side never hurts, and just company of some very good friends. That's what coffee is. None of that "decaf" crap, or added syrup or fancy name for coffee + milk. Coffee, my fellow readers, is an experience. And each experience is different.
Take time to enjoy your coffee today!
Monday, January 03, 2011
Liberty
"We met as two total strangers
As many lovers often do
But who could have ever seen the danger
I didn't know I'd fall in love with you
As many lovers often do
But who could have ever seen the danger
I didn't know I'd fall in love with you
Do you ever think you'd rather be with me instead
Or do you only think about me when it rains.."
Or do you only think about me when it rains.."
Do you ever find yourself thinking of things, something that meant a lot to you? And wonder, what could have been had things been different? Sort of in that place right now.
I seem to find solace in music a lot more now. Sometimes I think lyrics say everything you want to say, but don't know who to say to. I have too many attachments to many different songs, and there are moments where I will listen to that one song on repeat for days, or until a specific phase is over. When I listen to it again later on, I always find that I end up having the same emotions/cues to those memories again. I think music is really powerful.
The good thing about having a blog is that you can blab on and on, and not really tell the people who are reading what you're trying to say. You can be as vague or open as you like, yet somehow they'll never really know what you're trying to get at.
I think this song pretty much sums up a lot of things. Listen to it. It's beautiful.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Two Thousand and Ten
So here we are, a day left until the New Year comes in, yet again. 2011, seems like a scary number.
I look back on the last few years and find myself boggled at the fact that so much has happened. I never kept track of days and months - I wanted those memories, moments and times to just stay in those places without strangling them too much, you know? I think often times, we overwhelm the usage of memories, exhausting them, and making them so uninteresting and "normal".
So, in keeping with the theme of this post, I have decided to not talk so much about things that "used to be" or too many of the same things over and over again - at least not until 2011. So yes, I get one more chance to do the above and give my thoughts on the last 12 months.
I think, this year marks a lot of great things that happened to me. I graduated, for one - which, lets face, is one very very very big thing. Especially since somewhere in my second year (2009) I felt I was going to fail miserably. Oh, and the fact that I studied for my exams the night before, each and every time. Yep. But hey, I managed to do good by the end of my third year.
This year also marks the first time I took a holiday with my friends - something I've been trying to do for a very long time, but only got around to doing this year. Valentines weekend, I think it was, to gorgeous Prague. That was a pretty awesome weekend.
The final year of my degree I think was the most different experience I have had in all three years. It was the one that I think I started understanding what kind of person I was, what kind of friends I thought were "good friends", and more so just understanding various things about life - I know that sounds boring and possibly a bit clichéd almost, but it's true. Living alone was an amazing experience. I think I still have a hard time sometimes being amongst many in a house. I guess I've become so accustomed to "doing my own thing" and living the way I was used to. Not to say I am not happy right now, I guess University life was just a whole different experience. One that I will not over-talk about, due to the point I made earlier.
So the first half of 2010 I think was pretty hectic yet emotional, new and exciting - what with the most fabulous chapter in my life coming to an end (and hopefully many more awesome-times to come!), and also visiting my family in India after 8 long years. Especially since it was the final time I saw my Grandad before his passing later in the year. It was also where I realised that although I am quite traditional in the way I think/do things (Okay don't seem so shocked!) at times, I can be a bit of a "gori" at others. It was in India I realised this, when I understood that my language skills were abysmal, and the way I think at times can be a little different to the rest of my family (in the UK and elsewhere). No, I am not concerned about it, seeing as I am quite comfortable with who I am presently.
So following my very exciting trip to Dubai and India, I came back to attend my Graduation Ceremony - a day that was the most beautiful to date. It was sunny, firstly, and the rest just flowed through brilliantly. It was great, being amongst all the people I shared my life with the last few years.
It was after I came back to London full-time once my holiday to India/Dubai were over, that I spent time at home, getting familiar with everything and everyone again. It was an interesting time, as I started getting into the rhythm of things back in the house. I guess the next few months (and currently) were spent in just looking for jobs, narrowing down my possibilities and thoughts about what I really wanted to do. It's good to know that I finally have my mind set on what path I would like to take, career wise, before the year comes to an end. Let's hope now, that I get a job soon!
Oh and ofcourse, 2010 will stand as the year that I FINALLY started to go to the gym, followed a strict diet and made very healthy decisions about what I was doing to myself. Yes, I like that.
Alas, here comes the end of another year. So many great moments, so many frustrating, annoying and low moments, some tragic and others just plain ridiculous. All in all, a good year. Let's hope 2011 is a better year, with more awesometimes.
And ofcourse, a year isn't complete without a perfect song. So here it is, listen to it. Oh and Listen to this as well
(Oh and here's hoping I write more in 2011!)
I look back on the last few years and find myself boggled at the fact that so much has happened. I never kept track of days and months - I wanted those memories, moments and times to just stay in those places without strangling them too much, you know? I think often times, we overwhelm the usage of memories, exhausting them, and making them so uninteresting and "normal".
So, in keeping with the theme of this post, I have decided to not talk so much about things that "used to be" or too many of the same things over and over again - at least not until 2011. So yes, I get one more chance to do the above and give my thoughts on the last 12 months.
I think, this year marks a lot of great things that happened to me. I graduated, for one - which, lets face, is one very very very big thing. Especially since somewhere in my second year (2009) I felt I was going to fail miserably. Oh, and the fact that I studied for my exams the night before, each and every time. Yep. But hey, I managed to do good by the end of my third year.
This year also marks the first time I took a holiday with my friends - something I've been trying to do for a very long time, but only got around to doing this year. Valentines weekend, I think it was, to gorgeous Prague. That was a pretty awesome weekend.
The final year of my degree I think was the most different experience I have had in all three years. It was the one that I think I started understanding what kind of person I was, what kind of friends I thought were "good friends", and more so just understanding various things about life - I know that sounds boring and possibly a bit clichéd almost, but it's true. Living alone was an amazing experience. I think I still have a hard time sometimes being amongst many in a house. I guess I've become so accustomed to "doing my own thing" and living the way I was used to. Not to say I am not happy right now, I guess University life was just a whole different experience. One that I will not over-talk about, due to the point I made earlier.
So the first half of 2010 I think was pretty hectic yet emotional, new and exciting - what with the most fabulous chapter in my life coming to an end (and hopefully many more awesome-times to come!), and also visiting my family in India after 8 long years. Especially since it was the final time I saw my Grandad before his passing later in the year. It was also where I realised that although I am quite traditional in the way I think/do things (Okay don't seem so shocked!) at times, I can be a bit of a "gori" at others. It was in India I realised this, when I understood that my language skills were abysmal, and the way I think at times can be a little different to the rest of my family (in the UK and elsewhere). No, I am not concerned about it, seeing as I am quite comfortable with who I am presently.
So following my very exciting trip to Dubai and India, I came back to attend my Graduation Ceremony - a day that was the most beautiful to date. It was sunny, firstly, and the rest just flowed through brilliantly. It was great, being amongst all the people I shared my life with the last few years.
It was after I came back to London full-time once my holiday to India/Dubai were over, that I spent time at home, getting familiar with everything and everyone again. It was an interesting time, as I started getting into the rhythm of things back in the house. I guess the next few months (and currently) were spent in just looking for jobs, narrowing down my possibilities and thoughts about what I really wanted to do. It's good to know that I finally have my mind set on what path I would like to take, career wise, before the year comes to an end. Let's hope now, that I get a job soon!
Oh and ofcourse, 2010 will stand as the year that I FINALLY started to go to the gym, followed a strict diet and made very healthy decisions about what I was doing to myself. Yes, I like that.
Alas, here comes the end of another year. So many great moments, so many frustrating, annoying and low moments, some tragic and others just plain ridiculous. All in all, a good year. Let's hope 2011 is a better year, with more awesometimes.
And ofcourse, a year isn't complete without a perfect song. So here it is, listen to it. Oh and Listen to this as well
(Oh and here's hoping I write more in 2011!)
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
An empty screen
Goo Goo Dolls, back again. I don't feel that something special that I do with the rest of their songs, for this album yet -- perhaps it will change. For now, this one is kind of growing on me.
Listen to it here.
Listen to it here.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
Keane knew what they were singing about.
I'm at that awful lull right now -- the one where you think you're hoping you're making progress just by sitting around the house, but really you're not. Yep, the jobless/unemployed phase.
However, not all is dim -- as I've started to use the Gym more frequently, with a lot different classes to join, so you know that keeps me busy. Along with that, I'm taking an interest in perhaps writing my own book (stop laughing). Well okay, that's a bit of a lie - I haven't yet started to write the book, it's still at the formulating the ideas stage. Okay that's probably a bigger lie. I'm not even formulating ideas. It actually just came to me right now. I'm sure I could write a book, about all sorts. It would not be a very good book, considering I have a tendency to jump from one topic to another. Tsk
Anyway, I've also taken an interest in baking a lot. I've been making some very yummy goodies lately -- things like Mississippi Mud-Pie Cake, and biscuits. Although I'm on this new eating plan - a low Gi eating plan, it stops me from eating the said yummy goodies I make, so really I'm like one of those Saint-Bakers. You know, those who do good for others. Actually I don't know how much good Sugar, butter and more sugar can be to others, but you get the gist.
Oh who am I kidding. I am bored senseless out of my head staying inside the house everyday - apart from the two hours I spend at the Gym. The rest of the day really reads the same - come back, eat, watch something on TV, apply for my jobs, clear out the rejection emails and watch more tv, perhaps eat somewhere in between, play with the cat, pat the kids on the head, sleep and repeat 7-9 hours later. I know I'll miss this so called "lazing around" phase once I start working (please give me a job!). But then again, I don't think I will to an extent. Let me explain this contradiction better. When I was at uni, I never used to feel like just "lazing around" unless it was very cold outside, it was "one of those days" or if I was taken ill. There was always something I would find, to do and keep myself busy with. I became very accustomed to that type of lifestyle - the hardly sleeping, always out - type of routine. And although there was nothing absolutely amazing I'd do, it was just interesting and somewhat energetic doing something else apart from staring at some screen all day and having zero mind-activity going on. Suffice to say, this time at home, has significantly lowered my IQ - I have found out the true meaning of Trashy TV. It's addictive. I actually keep reminders for certain shows. This is not me at my best. Tut
I want to get a move on, already. I want to be busy, and have things to do. Had I been in this particular phase, say 3-4 years ago, I would have been fine with staying at home all the time. But there's a lot that has happened, and I have changed (I would hope for the better).. And now I'm just waiting. Almost like Waiting for Godot.
I have been discovering a lot of new music lately. I love this stage. I love the feeling of a new song, a new band and a new album. It's so thrilling. You want to be surprised, you want to feel something for the song and you want to have some type of emotion left behind afterwards. I love the sense of something new. Yes I do!
So in the interest of shutting me up, and signing off - listen to this song.
I'm at that awful lull right now -- the one where you think you're hoping you're making progress just by sitting around the house, but really you're not. Yep, the jobless/unemployed phase.
However, not all is dim -- as I've started to use the Gym more frequently, with a lot different classes to join, so you know that keeps me busy. Along with that, I'm taking an interest in perhaps writing my own book (stop laughing). Well okay, that's a bit of a lie - I haven't yet started to write the book, it's still at the formulating the ideas stage. Okay that's probably a bigger lie. I'm not even formulating ideas. It actually just came to me right now. I'm sure I could write a book, about all sorts. It would not be a very good book, considering I have a tendency to jump from one topic to another. Tsk
Anyway, I've also taken an interest in baking a lot. I've been making some very yummy goodies lately -- things like Mississippi Mud-Pie Cake, and biscuits. Although I'm on this new eating plan - a low Gi eating plan, it stops me from eating the said yummy goodies I make, so really I'm like one of those Saint-Bakers. You know, those who do good for others. Actually I don't know how much good Sugar, butter and more sugar can be to others, but you get the gist.
Oh who am I kidding. I am bored senseless out of my head staying inside the house everyday - apart from the two hours I spend at the Gym. The rest of the day really reads the same - come back, eat, watch something on TV, apply for my jobs, clear out the rejection emails and watch more tv, perhaps eat somewhere in between, play with the cat, pat the kids on the head, sleep and repeat 7-9 hours later. I know I'll miss this so called "lazing around" phase once I start working (please give me a job!). But then again, I don't think I will to an extent. Let me explain this contradiction better. When I was at uni, I never used to feel like just "lazing around" unless it was very cold outside, it was "one of those days" or if I was taken ill. There was always something I would find, to do and keep myself busy with. I became very accustomed to that type of lifestyle - the hardly sleeping, always out - type of routine. And although there was nothing absolutely amazing I'd do, it was just interesting and somewhat energetic doing something else apart from staring at some screen all day and having zero mind-activity going on. Suffice to say, this time at home, has significantly lowered my IQ - I have found out the true meaning of Trashy TV. It's addictive. I actually keep reminders for certain shows. This is not me at my best. Tut
I want to get a move on, already. I want to be busy, and have things to do. Had I been in this particular phase, say 3-4 years ago, I would have been fine with staying at home all the time. But there's a lot that has happened, and I have changed (I would hope for the better).. And now I'm just waiting. Almost like Waiting for Godot.
I have been discovering a lot of new music lately. I love this stage. I love the feeling of a new song, a new band and a new album. It's so thrilling. You want to be surprised, you want to feel something for the song and you want to have some type of emotion left behind afterwards. I love the sense of something new. Yes I do!
So in the interest of shutting me up, and signing off - listen to this song.
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